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Beauty (poem)


Juniper_Jumper 5 / 39  
Dec 10, 2009   #1
Surrounded by a crown of painful thorns,

The roaming thistles gaze upon the world,

Around them is the Earth so greatly torn,

Before them lay the stage where life unfurls.

The play of life begins with shining rays,

Exemplifying drops of morning dew,

By striking them with spears of light of day,

And throwing shafts of light of many hues.

What then? when curtains falls and lights go out,

What left of nature is there to admire?

With darkness casting beauty into doubt,

When left alone, does faith and awe expire?

Each day begins with beauty uncontained,

Yet ends with beauty hidden and restrained.
linmark 2 / 328 7  
Dec 10, 2009   #2
Very nice. I liked your last line. Just some suggestions here:

Around them is the Earth so greatly torn,
Before them lay the stage where life unfurls.

a correction:

What then? when curtains falls and lights go out,

Here maybe you use "of" too many times??

By striking them with spears of light of day,
And throwing shafts of light of many hues.
OP Juniper_Jumper 5 / 39  
Dec 10, 2009   #3
oh, the problem was the iambic pentameter
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 11, 2009   #4
Awesome... This shows some great understanding of iambic, and I see that you even start each line with a syllable that is not enunciated. That is hard to do...

When left alone, do faith and awe expire?
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 16, 2009   #5
Sigh, really pretty.

Is it "lay" or "lies??" <that one always gets me...

I am trying to learn IP, so this was a good example, thanks!

I almost got stuck at "What left of nature is there to admire?" then I read it again. The stress is on 'is', right?

Anyway...

Blue skies!


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