"A cry for love." - poem

This is my second poem so far, so I hope it's not over the top bad. Thanks for reading it and please be brutal!

Once I sighed, twice I moaned, once again I thought of you.
Yet the night's embrace no longer lets me go astray...
As badly as I wish, feelings I cannot subdue.
Yet thoughts, I'd set them free, but it's like they won't obey.

Oh you, once my all, if one more time those words you'd say,
Those secret words only we do know, our bound, our treasure,
I'd forget about this world and into thine I'd sway.
But, oh, I cannot hear your voice! This how could I endure?

Our dream, our world, my love, now grows dimmer in my eyes,
For you are either mute, or I have lost my senses.
Scream, goddess! Cry for me! Our past, ourselves!, do not despise.

I am running towards you, towards that place yonder.
I dare to look upon your face; so cold, so bitter.
"Fall, be gone and die, lover awaiting a wonder."

:-). I can see your feeling and emotion in this poem (although I have not known to make an English poem yet :D). Let's make effort and try to the best of your ability in this life. Nice to meet you.

Thanks so much for you comment, Ly :)


Pif ;D i'm sure you can if you put your mind to it! they might not be always good, but it's fun to struggle to write one, makes you feel inteligent XD

I bet you could improve the meter in this line! But it is your art; I am ignorant for even suggesting a change. Poetry comes from a place that is not like ordinary thinking.


I like this!



What?!! Wow, this is good stuff.

Okay, if it was something I came up with, I would want to more the stanzas so that the second one becomes the first. I like the feeling you instill in that second stanza. You are an interesting one!!

I would have probably written more, but we had to write a sonnet. However, even if the poem were longer, I'd keep the first stanza ... so the second one stands better out and to have a certain introduction into the "story" :3

Thank you for your lovely comment! :3