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"Don't describe me in 5 stanzas"- Virginia TECH (poem)



RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Dec 2, 2010   #1
My last college essay (hopefully). Yes, another poem (i adapted from another poem i wrote earlier)
Virginia Tech- Tell 5 unique things/traits about yourself.
The reason i wrote a poem not because want to be "weird" but i cannot think of a way to write 5 things about myself without being too generic or boring.

Any comments/ criticism/grammar are welcome :)

Don't tell me that I am weak
Because harsh words can never hurt me
For the "perseverance" that I will seek
I'll find the answer to its mystery
You can knock me down, but I'll stand back up
Like a seed deep-rooted in my blood
Cease me from breathing, but don't stop my determination.

Don't tell me that I am a coward
Thousands years of Vietnamese's valor
Our spirit had drowned the enemies' vanity
Our "bravery" exemplified the Vietnam War
To be free from the chain of eternity
To fuse of fire inside our hearts
The bloodshed stole our lives but not our pride.

Don't tell me that I am lazy
Give me the AP books, so I won't procrastinate
My services are free, but are not hasty
"Hard efforts" can never be contaminated
Request me one and I'll provide you two
Feel free to ask if you have no clue
Here, I am, my reason, my virtue.

Don't tell me that I am cynical
I don't question the ephemeral love
Mom said, "Let's try it once more"
Dad frowned, "But our effort is futile"
Their wedding rings shattered like glass
My heart broke but I prefer its pieces
Don't give me glue; it can never last

Don't tell me that I am a dreamer
That someday I'll perform impossible "surgeries"
Dad says I should become a manager
Mom thinks I'll save the country's economy
But I am who I am and do what I love
And all the patients that I'll serve
Because with VT, "I'll exceed above life's expectation."

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 16, 2010   #2
But I am who I am and do what I love

Cool line!

Hey, I think the word "above" should be taken out of that last line.

Also, try taking out the word "that"... it appears in the first line of each stanza and also in the second-to-last line. It can be taken out of each unless that would mess up the rhythm you intend.

I like it! I hope the AO reader will not be biased against your unconventional approach! But that is the worthy risk always associated with being unconventional.


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