tanty 3 / 4 Dec 6, 2008 #1NIGHTMARE"I wanna have the same last nightmare again tonightThe one where I have myself in my most parts, I woke up and I survivedJust as my two walls closed me withinMy eyes are opened up with the purest light.I think there're some places in this life you can't findWhere people have their souls connectedWhere children have themselves run wildWhere every single tree has itself reach for the skyIt's nightmare.Where sorrows are bunches of fragrant flowers.Where pains are emphatic victories.Where death is the most joyful celebration.And where Hell could sow the seeds of affections.In nightmareI believe I won't feel a wraith.I can feel no aggravation, no frustration.I see no defection, no degradation, and no corruption.No more evils. ThenI will treat my wounds by true repentance.I will pour my blood into total sincerity.I will imprison my soul in eternal truths.Maybe my spirit is sleeping somewhere cold.Keeping my great secret in nightmare.Dreamers are all alone. But I believe I am not.For it is a whole new world in my own nightmare.Nightmare is home.Anyway, we can build up the very new paradise, here.Together, we deny our demiseDecimate all the hypocrisyDemolish all the jealousyFrom the shadows of our pastFrom the depths of our crashStepping forward into the lightWe all make it together.We are all to conquer this endeavorStronger than ever.Make our ascension.It was not mine.It's our dream."any comments?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Dec 6, 2008 #2Wow, I like how the rhythm constantly changes. What are you going to do with this poem now? I wonder if it should have a more descriptive title.This line is confusing: The one where I have myself in my most parts, I woke up and I survived (but I understand now that you meant that you were one of the people in the dream)
OP tanty 3 / 4 Dec 9, 2008 #3@EF_Kevin: reality is now not as good as nightmare. I simply cannot put up with this real life and I feel good in nightmare. That's why I prefer nightmareAnyway, I need a more decent title
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Dec 9, 2008 #4Well, it is a brilliant concept. Yes, it is cool and deserves a title that captures the deep meaning of the poem.
Bobby25250 2 / 4 Dec 10, 2008 #5I really like the rhythm of this poem. I also like the way you ended it. I'm not a professional or anything, but the ending defines what the poem is about. Very nice.