1 sense poem 'When I'm at the beach I hear...

When I think of the beach
I hear...
Water rippling against the shore,
Screaming children,
Scolding parents,
The crunch of fresh fish and chips, being devoured without a thought
And teenage girls lying in the sun, gossiping animatedly,
My ears range out to the chime of bells,
Signaling danger in the waves,
As people splash about in panic,
Running for the shore,

I not sure it's very good and I want to add more (obviously). btw, I don't want any rhyme.

So, how do I make it better, and what should I write next?

Fanx! xoxo <3

I am not good in poetry, but, in my opinion, this resembles a descriptive essay rather than a poem. Besides, 6th and 7th lines are too long for a poem.


this part is unclear to me; panic about what? you were going well in description of the beach activities until you switched to unknown danger.

What is your goal? What you want to say by simply describing beaches? I see only beautiful words joined togehter, but as a reader, I would like to sense something unique that belongs to you, that demonstrates your attitude. Everything that you wrote is quite obvious and does not require broad imagination or deep thinking to understand. I don't know if I managed to convey my thoughts, but this is what I got from your poem.

good luck!

When I think of the beach
I hear...
Water rippling against the shore,
Screaming children,
Scolding parents,
The crunch of fresh fish and chips, being devoured without a thought
And teenage girls lying in the sun, gossiping animatedly. <--you could end a sentence there because after that you change to what you see to what you hear

I would like to see more.

I like the way you say


rather than you see. =D

G L~

Whoa! Lines too long for a poem? Ha :) That's the first time I've ever heard someone say that, no offense. :]
In my opinion, if the lines fit with the rhythm and flows smoothly (Although I'm not a poet, to me, a good poem has rhythm and flow - that's why I don't really like Whitman :), then it works, regardless of its length. But right now, I have to agree with Azeri. You could develop your lyricalness. Imagine that you are actually there at the beach, and imagine that you are describing it to a person who has never seen a beach before. Describe it so well that the reader himself can imagine that he is there with you at the beach. Make it sound like you are singing, so be sure to keep the flow and rhythm in mind.


Aww... I like poems that rhyme. :)


That's for you to decide. Think of every, single possible minute details of the beach, write them down, and arrange them into your poem. That could give you a good start :]

And, most importantly:


Every poem has a "thesis," even if it is as simple as "life is beautiful." From this poem, what overall message do you want to convey? If you are simply describing the beach, without certain reason, then this poem is not a poem, but as Azeri said, descriptive verse.

I have one suggestion though. You could take out "When I think of the beach" and simply start describing the beach. It will sound more lyrical and the reader will know, if you add more specific descriptions, that you are referring to the beach. :]

Hello Misty Wade,

I neither am good at poetry nor am good at imagination, but if you really want to add few more lines into the poem you have written:

a) Talk of the things that people are doing there in a more colorful manner and add what you feel of their acts.
b) You can completely concentrate on the beach beauty by emphasizing the natural formations, sea creatures on the beach.
c) If you want you can take the poem in a philosophical path.
d) You can co relate the beach life to something you are aware of and bring differences or similarities out of it.

I hope the above suggestions are of any help to you.
btw you must concentrate on what Azeri says : the 6th line in the poem looks too much like prose. You can try breaking that line into 2 and adjust them accordingly as it suits u.

All the best :)

I still insist on that. Those sentences are too long for this poem. Actually, I don't mind blank verse and unrhymed lines unless there is harmony between lines and stanzas. I did not find any harmony there, though.

Cool! Take out that comma, though. The 'crunch of fresh fish and chips' is a great phrase.

My ears range out to the chime of bells---- I'm not sure about this use of "range"

Well... poetry that rhymes becomes silly sing songy. Very cool, though, is when rhymes occur at the beginning of lines...and the end is distinct in its rhymelessness.