I'm very new to this board, hope you all help improving and revising my poem,
This is called "8 syllable poem", a very popular in Thai. You can easily see the pattern of sound between the sentence. I tried to use this same pattern to write in English, however because of my English skill, which still lot of incorrect grammar, any advice would be appreciated.
This is actually not an assignment, frankly speaking is kind of hobby. I put here 5, and hope you all love it,
Poem 1
Love is like the sound of wind blowing
it's like when bird sings in the night
it brings happiness to life
made me try to be better man
To be worth enough on the sky
do not make you cry, let you down
I will take what it needs anyhow
stars shouldn't been on the ground, any day
Poem 2
On the sky very far away
some could say a word through space
regardless of distance and fate
the glance he once made, you're the one
Poem 3
The phase that I have to go through
the time that I do know will happen
but it's harder than before then
where is all strength that I had
It may gone with the wind in that day
that I pray for things I wish for
should I leave, walk along, no recall
and let everything all in the past
How long my faith will it lasts
many things pass, forget and go by
it doesn't matter how I try
I hope my mind stay the same
Poem 4
To the one I give very thought
to the one I could fought and die for
to the one I give everything all
to the one I call "My sun & stars"
the one that I want to be with
the one I could sit and watch eyes
everything is yours, all my mind
above on the sky in one day
Poem 5
I can be strong man protects you
I can say you're beautiful, makes you smile
hold you in the shade, let you shine
never... never cry, just hold me
Let me have a chance in your heart
be a part that makes you happy
don't know what the future will be
we will see, will face... forever long
This is called "8 syllable poem", a very popular in Thai. You can easily see the pattern of sound between the sentence. I tried to use this same pattern to write in English, however because of my English skill, which still lot of incorrect grammar, any advice would be appreciated.
This is actually not an assignment, frankly speaking is kind of hobby. I put here 5, and hope you all love it,
Poem 1
Love is like the sound of wind blowing
it's like when bird sings in the night
it brings happiness to life
made me try to be better man
To be worth enough on the sky
do not make you cry, let you down
I will take what it needs anyhow
stars shouldn't been on the ground, any day
Poem 2
On the sky very far away
some could say a word through space
regardless of distance and fate
the glance he once made, you're the one
Poem 3
The phase that I have to go through
the time that I do know will happen
but it's harder than before then
where is all strength that I had
It may gone with the wind in that day
that I pray for things I wish for
should I leave, walk along, no recall
and let everything all in the past
How long my faith will it lasts
many things pass, forget and go by
it doesn't matter how I try
I hope my mind stay the same
Poem 4
To the one I give very thought
to the one I could fought and die for
to the one I give everything all
to the one I call "My sun & stars"
the one that I want to be with
the one I could sit and watch eyes
everything is yours, all my mind
above on the sky in one day
Poem 5
I can be strong man protects you
I can say you're beautiful, makes you smile
hold you in the shade, let you shine
never... never cry, just hold me
Let me have a chance in your heart
be a part that makes you happy
don't know what the future will be
we will see, will face... forever long
