Hey. I was wondering if some could peer-edit this and tell me what you think? The end is not complete yet though. Thank you!!
Society has popularized cancer and obesity to such an extreme that other significant diseases do not receive as much recognition and are underrated. There is an uneven distribution in donations for diseases based on a popularity contest society has created. American society has become so imbued with Hallmark diseases that we have neglected to focus on equally paramount diseases like the belittled paralysis.
According to the National Cancer Institute, "Cancer is a term used for diseases in which abnormal cells divided without control and are able to invade other tissues," (2012). There are numerous types of cancer and most of them are named after the area of the body that the cancer cells are affecting. For example, if the cancer cells have started multiplying in the colon, it is referred to as colon cancer. Actually, there are over 100 different types of cancer and it has been estimated that in 2012 there will be at least 1.6 million new cases and 577,190 deaths in the United States of America (National Cancer Institute, 2012). This is an outstanding amount of cases and obviously the trillions of dollars that have been donated to cancer research are not being used in the right areas of research. This could be a result from donating to organizations that aren't actually giving the same amount of the proceeds as donors think. There are so few organizations for other serious conditions or diseases that the proceeds are more likely to actually go to research and awareness because those diseases are in much bigger need. According to Shawn Van Gorder, "There's also a misconception that all breast cancer organizations are related to the American Cancer Society," (Rogers, 2011). If people only donated to the American Cancer Society then other organizations would not exist and there would be one organization and everyone would know exactly where their money was going. Also, this would give more attention to organizations supporting other underrepresented diseases such as paralysis. American society has turned cancer into this poster board disease.
Some organizations such as "Choose Hope" have taken all 12 months of the calendar and made it some kind of cancer awareness. I believe that we need to find a cure for cancer but there are other diseases out there that also need help and dedicating a cancer to every month is removing the level of importance of other diseases that are just as significant. Also, many sports teams of all levels used some sort of pink gear during October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month including the University of Arizona's football team and dancers. This is great that these teams are showing support to a great cause but it appears that society has made merchandise for cancer awareness in style and hip and people have started to overlook and disregard what their money is being used for and are just interested in the "look". Even away from the retail portion of the problem, for the past 6 years The National Cancer Institute has averaged about $4.9 billion a year (National Cancer Institute, 2011). This is enough money to make a significant stride in the cancer research, which means as a society we should be able to see a difference in cancer diagnoses and survival rates. Yes, the numbers have decreased for the better but I feel that this is not a big enough decrease because the money is not being used properly. There are plenty of other diseases that need attention. I am not saying people should stop donating to cancer research but people should make sure they know exactly where their money is being used and should switch off donating to different causes. Many people see famous or well-known people diagnosed with cancer, which influences them to donate money to that type of cancer. Christopher Reeve played the original Superman in the first movie. He was a horseback rider and while going over a jump was thrown from his horse and was paralyzed. This is a man went from playing the super hero that could do anything and was bullet proof to a wheelchair and not being able to move. This is a tragedy and if this story is what it takes people to pay attention and support different causes then this is what needs to be done. Another popularized condition or disease in The United States of America is obesity.
Obesity is not the same as being overweight. Obesity refers to the amount of body fat a person contains and being overweight refers to the amount of weight a person carries on their body (PubHealth, 2012). Society confuses these two words at times but there are too many citizens that are obese and for the most part that is a personal choice. In the United States of America there is not one state that has an obesity rate less than 21% and the South had the highest number as of 2011 (Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 2012). This is absurd, as a society the United States should be able to decrease this number without needing reality television shows pertaining to it because those are not helpful as a society at all, they can be negative and just make obese people feel worse. As a society, we need to start educating the smaller children about staying active and good health because they are the future and then work on the adults. There are two different levels of obesity. The first level is just known as obese which means the person as a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 30 or greater (Weigh-Control Information Network, 2012). The second level is known as extreme obesity and that is referring to people that have a BMI of 40 or greater (Weight-Control Information Network, 2012). According to the Weight-Control Information Network, in the United States over one-third of all adults over 20 years old are about obese and about 5.7% of them are extremely obese (Weight-Control Information Network, 2012). But, if both overweight and obese people are combined, over two-thirds of U.S. adults are overweight or obese (Weight-Control Information Network, 2012). This is a ridiculous number; this means that there are more adults in the United States that are overweight or obese than normal weight. This is an issue and I agree that something needs to be done about it but obviously the "Biggest Loser" shows are not working and are depressing people rather than get them off the couch. Obesity has become a source of entertainment rather than an issue.
Many television programs now air shows involving people extremely obese and the viewers follow the "journeys to a healthy weight" of these people for an entire season. These shows have become very popular but are not effective whatsoever because either the viewers are already a normal weight and viewing these shows for entertainment or there are obese and overweight viewers watching but they are sitting on a couch watching other people lose weight and that is not helping them lose weight at all. Now, there are the exceptions to these situations but this is mainly the result of these shows. Some people have medical conditions that leave them with no choice and that is why they are obese but for the most part a person's weight is determined by self-control and personal choices of food and being active. Again, there should be organizations in schools that promote and teach healthy lifestyles in children because they are the future and if the children are persistent about the information they are learning at school when they get home, that could have an influence on the food and lifestyle choices their parents pursue. Obesity is an issue in America and I am not saying that it isn't but there are other conditions and diseases that people did not choose and do not have control over. There should be programs that promote healthy lifestyles at school and in other aspects of everyone's lives but it should not over rule or diminish the importance of a disease such as paralysis. Obesity is not as big of an issue in other countries around the world so maybe the United States should see what other countries are doing and how they are promoting good health and start there.
Hi Kewens,
You raise an interesting prompt but the argument requires significant reworking. In the initial paragraph you say, "Society has popularized cancer and obesity to such an extreme that other significant diseases do not receive as much recognition and are underrated," if this is your thesis, the rest of the essay fails to support it. You do not follow this up by providing evidence that other diseases are "underrated." With a statement like that you have to explain what exactly "underrated" means. What level of attention should these other considerations have? Based on what? Does paralysis afflict more people than cancer, per donated dollar? You spend a lot of time explaining what cancer and obesity are but that support your thesis.
I think the best advice I can give is to re-assess the argument you want to make. What is your thesis, and what facts support your thesis? Then remove anything in this draft that doesn't fit with the specific argument you want to make.
