hello! im trying to write an essay for pitzer college. its for their fly in program but their common app supplemental essay is the same theme. i would really appreciate any and all feedback on how to improve this! im hoping that its clear in what its trying to describe (how i align with their core values of intercultural learning and social responsibility). thank you so much!! :)
Reflecting on your involvement throughout high school or within the community, how have you engaged with one or more of Pitzer's core values? (650 words)
I'm awakened on a random weekday by the sounds of birds, the wind, and a dog barking across the street. Yesterday I visited a store filled with artisan crafts and handmade toys, and today, I have a long, tiring road trip ahead of me.
Without added context, this is a typical morning for me in my rural hometown. However, I'm 12,000 kilometers away from home in India: I've been here for 2 weeks, and I am expected to stay for a full month. 8 hours later, and I have made it through the bumpy cliffside roads and unbearable heat. Agora, a remote village high in the Himalayas, is where I will spend the latter half of my trip.
When my Mom asked me why I wanted to go to India, I wasn't exactly sure why. I had never left the country nor been on a plane ride longer than 2 hours. People tried to tell me it was a bad idea: It wasn't a 'vacation', it would probably smell, and I wouldn't like it because of how different it was.
Well, it wasn't a vacation; it was a culture exchange between myself and the state of Uttarakhand. And different? Most days, I couldn't tell the difference between there and home. Agora was a peaceful hideaway surrounded by lush forests, paths that led to crystal clear waterfalls, and views of snow-topped mountains. Just like my hometown, the nearest city was at least an hour away. Connection with the outside world was spotty, although, to be fair, I wasn't finding cows in my room.
However, this experience was really about the people. I didn't know why I wanted to go, but in retrospect, I realized it was because I wanted to learn more about others unlike me. Instead of letting myself inherit the prejudices that so many people in my area carry, I put myself out there and made an effort to experience the lives of others.
In Agora, I learned to plow fields full of thorn bushes and help build roofs without a shared language. Much like my hometown, the focus was primarily on labor- the experiences and the 'hard work of men'. At home, a patriarchal society was the norm as well. "Act like a man", "get over it," were common phrases in my house from my Dad. I can't say I heard the same phrases in Hindi, but looking into the faces of both the men and women, something was being said that I didn't understand. I felt this same unwavering presence when my Mom shared a room with my Dad: Seeing them argue, her cry, her telling me to leave the room. I can imagine when the men of the village left, some women may feel the same peace of mind my Mom had when he walked away.
I filled my days in the village to the best of my ability. The more time I spent with the women, the more I learned their stories, and watched as they ended up putting as much effort into their work, if not more, than the men. In comparison, my Mom would always be the first to step up to the plate. The only one to show up to every event, to take us places, to educate and care for us. And when my Dad left, he still claimed to have done all the work.
I came to India initially to see something outside of myself, and ended up realizing how universal the human experience is. After this revelation, I feel I can connect with Pitzer's values of social responsibility and intercultural understanding, and would love to attend the program to continue witnessing the many manifestations of the universal human condition. At Preview Pitzer, I hope to discuss with others the views we hold in common, and where we differ, as social responsibility and understanding shows no age or geographical difference.
Reflecting on your involvement throughout high school or within the community, how have you engaged with one or more of Pitzer's core values? (650 words)
I'm awakened on a random weekday by the sounds of birds, the wind, and a dog barking across the street. Yesterday I visited a store filled with artisan crafts and handmade toys, and today, I have a long, tiring road trip ahead of me.
Without added context, this is a typical morning for me in my rural hometown. However, I'm 12,000 kilometers away from home in India: I've been here for 2 weeks, and I am expected to stay for a full month. 8 hours later, and I have made it through the bumpy cliffside roads and unbearable heat. Agora, a remote village high in the Himalayas, is where I will spend the latter half of my trip.
When my Mom asked me why I wanted to go to India, I wasn't exactly sure why. I had never left the country nor been on a plane ride longer than 2 hours. People tried to tell me it was a bad idea: It wasn't a 'vacation', it would probably smell, and I wouldn't like it because of how different it was.
Well, it wasn't a vacation; it was a culture exchange between myself and the state of Uttarakhand. And different? Most days, I couldn't tell the difference between there and home. Agora was a peaceful hideaway surrounded by lush forests, paths that led to crystal clear waterfalls, and views of snow-topped mountains. Just like my hometown, the nearest city was at least an hour away. Connection with the outside world was spotty, although, to be fair, I wasn't finding cows in my room.
However, this experience was really about the people. I didn't know why I wanted to go, but in retrospect, I realized it was because I wanted to learn more about others unlike me. Instead of letting myself inherit the prejudices that so many people in my area carry, I put myself out there and made an effort to experience the lives of others.
In Agora, I learned to plow fields full of thorn bushes and help build roofs without a shared language. Much like my hometown, the focus was primarily on labor- the experiences and the 'hard work of men'. At home, a patriarchal society was the norm as well. "Act like a man", "get over it," were common phrases in my house from my Dad. I can't say I heard the same phrases in Hindi, but looking into the faces of both the men and women, something was being said that I didn't understand. I felt this same unwavering presence when my Mom shared a room with my Dad: Seeing them argue, her cry, her telling me to leave the room. I can imagine when the men of the village left, some women may feel the same peace of mind my Mom had when he walked away.
I filled my days in the village to the best of my ability. The more time I spent with the women, the more I learned their stories, and watched as they ended up putting as much effort into their work, if not more, than the men. In comparison, my Mom would always be the first to step up to the plate. The only one to show up to every event, to take us places, to educate and care for us. And when my Dad left, he still claimed to have done all the work.
I came to India initially to see something outside of myself, and ended up realizing how universal the human experience is. After this revelation, I feel I can connect with Pitzer's values of social responsibility and intercultural understanding, and would love to attend the program to continue witnessing the many manifestations of the universal human condition. At Preview Pitzer, I hope to discuss with others the views we hold in common, and where we differ, as social responsibility and understanding shows no age or geographical difference.
