Effects of Being Raised with Uninvolved Parenting Style, Single Parent Role, and Empty Nest Syndrome
A 9 page, double-spaced, typewritten report in APA format, on any psychological concepts covered in the semester, which you recognize as having made you the person who you are today. Included in this report will be a very short review of the concepts, a personal history relating to the concepts, and how these two elements combined to form your personality and/or character.This paper is not intended to be only an autobiography nor is it only a paper on psychological concepts. (200 points)
This is the first research paper I've ever written, and I didn't attend high school, so I basically researched online to find out how to write this. Here it is:
EVOLUTION OF JESSICA:
Self-Analysis on the Effects of Being Raised with Uninvolved Parenting Style, Single Parent Role, and Empty Nest Syndrome.
Jessica M. Kelley
Antelope Valley College
Abstract
This paper relates three psychological concepts to my identity and personality development. It includes a personal account and research findings related to consequences of uninvolved parenting. It also explains my role as a single parent with a comparison to results from research. It addresses my recent transition to the mid-life stage of lifespan development, including an account of my coping with empty nest syndrome. Also included are the results of two personality assessments. It concludes with my perspective of the significance of these issues in relation to the urgent need for increased resources for early intervention and prevention.
"Personality refers to the long-standing traits and patterns that propel individuals to consistently think, feel, and behave in specific ways." (openstax 366) In the field of Psychology, several different theories exist in trying to explain how one's personality is formed and who or what influences the type of person we become. Some theories claim that we are primarily a product of our environment, while others say genetics is the stronger force. My theory suggests that both contribute to how personality and identity are shaped, but that environment holds the greatest impact as it encompasses more areas and can be manipulated. In terms of Psychological concepts, my identity and personality development has been most significantly influenced by being raised with uninvolved parenting style, my role as a single parent, and my transition into the fourth stage of lifespan development, which included coping with empty nest syndrome. Discovering what research shows regarding the effects of these concepts and comparing that data to my own personal experiences has opened my eyes to the lasting impact that they can hold. In my case, many of the predictions made from this research has been accurate.
Throughout life, we are faced with making decisions and choices that will affect our lives in some way or another. One choice we don't get to make, however, is that of who our parents are. In a theory proposed by Diana Baumrind, four different styles of parenting are identified. First, there is authoritarian style, which is described as a parenting style where parents are strict and controlling, places unreasonable expectations on children and they provide no emotional support. Next, is authoritative, which is described as being the ideal parenting style. This ideal style of parenting is identified with parents having reasonable rules. They're flexible, consistent, and they provide emotional support and explain reasons for rules and consequences for breaking them. Then, there is permissive style, which is characterized by parents being lax and providing little or no structure or rules to be followed and they tend to be more of a friend to their children than a parent. Last, there is uninvolved parenting style, which is characterized as being neglectful and having parents who are not available emotionally. These parents are simply not involved, are indifferent, and many times they suffer from mental disorders or substance abuse issues. (openstax, p311) The parenting style that I was raised with is the uninvolved style, also called neglectful style. Research shows that parenting style that we are raised with has a huge impact on the person that we become as an adult. Studies also state that the effects of uninvolved parenting and childhood neglect conclude that there are several potential consequences. (Center on the Developing Child (2013). The Science of Neglect(InBrief). Retrieved from developingchild.harvard.edu.)
Some findings include:
an increase in the risk for attentional, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral disorders.
Increased risk for developing depression, anxiety, substance abuse problems, heart problems, as well as other chronic health problems in adulthood.
altering the development of biological stress-response systems, leading to greater risk for anxiety, depression, cardiovascular problems, and other chronic health impairments later in life.
an association with high risk for emotional and interpersonal problems, such as, higher levels of negativity, unregulated impulse control, personality problems, and low self-esteem.
increased risk for learning problems and low academic achievement, including attention deficit issues, lower IQ results, and higher drop-out rates. (Center on the Developing Child (2013). The Science of Neglect(InBrief). Retrieved from developingchild.harvard.edu.)
I was raised in a home with a selfish, neglectful mother and a neurotic, drug addicted, stepfather, who my mother met while he was in prison. My older sister, and I were both left to fend for ourselves. There was no interest in any way of anything that involved my sister and I. Nobody ever told us that we were loved. We were never shown affection in any way. My "parents" would constantly be arguing and my stepfather would scream so loud that every neighbor in the next couple of blocks could hear him. He was a maniac. My mother never explained the facts of life or the menstruation cycle. She never bought me a bra, or a stick of deodorant or feminine hygiene products. Contrary to research suggests I was a high achiever and was advanced academically all throughout Elementary School and Junior High. I was in the Gifted and Talented Program in school. Nobody ever asked me about school or cared about my achievements. My mother never attended parent-teacher conferences or ceremonies where I was constantly being presented with achievement awards, even though she didn't work while my sister and I were at school and stayed home everyday. In comparing my experience to what I discovered from my research, I found that I indeed suffered from some of the side-effects predicted by research, but they didn't begin to surface until around the time I began high school.
Some of the adverse effects I encountered were low-self esteem, depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. By this point I was used to being responsible for myself and I would babysit or do chores for neighbors to make money to purchase whatever I needed, or I would use my friends things and borrow their clothes. I was rarely "home" and did whatever I pleased. I only attended high school to meet up with friends, and eventually I just stopped going at all. I moved out on my own by age 17, and worked waitressing jobs to support myself. At age 22 I became a mother to my first child, which leads me to my next area of focus.
Becoming a mother was something I embraced, even though my child's father left us when my son was only a year old, and I was left to take care of him by myself and I had no idea of what being a parent was supposed to be like. Research predicted that I would parent in ways similar to how I was parented. (Howe, David p5) However, this wasn't the case. In fact, I was a complete opposite to my mother. Ironically, I devoted all my time, energy, and finances to my son, Jack. Oddly enough, nurturing Jack came naturally to me. I don't remember ever thinking that I was going to be a better parent than I was raised by. Unlike my mother, who never even celebrated my birthday, I had big celebrations every year for Jack's birthday. I took him to the park everyday and played with him. I volunteered in his preschool classes and all throughout elementary school. I knew who his classmates were, and who his friends were, as well as all his friend's parents. I sat with him every night while he completed his homework. I chose his teachers from kindergarten up until high school. I worked hard to buy him not only necessary items, but also toys, cell phones, anything he wanted really. I encouraged him to work hard in school and advocated for him when he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. I was in tune with his emotions and always there as his biggest fan. I never missed an awards ceremony or parent-teacher conferences. I paid for him to attend driving school and bought him a car on his sixteenth birthday. I showed him a lot of love. Anyone who knew me, knew how much I adored my son. It wasn't always easy raising Jack by myself. I experienced high levels of stress in my role as a single parent, which put me at an even higher risk of repeating my mother's parenting behaviors, according to research. ("National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2015). Supportive Relationships and Active Skill-Building ...`` 2019)
Somehow, I defied the odds of repeating the cycle of abuse, and managed to raise a wonderful child, who I shared a close bond with. I've never had a lot of family around me, so it had always been just he and I. That is, until he left home to attend college in Sacramento, which brings me to my next area of focus, transitioning into mid-life and coping with empty nest syndrome.
"Empty nest syndrome is described as the maladaptive response to the post parental transition which is stimulated by reactions to loss. parents especially mothers may experience overwhelming grief sadness dysphoria and depression." (L.L. 180-183) Research also claims that this condition is often worse for single parents because of a major role loss.
I knew I'd be sad when my oldest son, Jack, moved away from home to attend college in Sacramento almost five years ago. But nothing could have prepared me for the impact it had. What I was feeling was far greater than mere sadness. I was in shock. When I arrived home from leaving jack in his dorm room, I sat alone, surrounded by silence, surrounded by emptiness, left all alone with the reality that I would no longer be surrounded by the voice I'd heard almost every day for the past 18 years. No more would I be listening to him humming away at night as he typed his homework in the now empty office that was his. No more hearing the sound of his car drive up, and then hearing him say "I'm home, Mom. I love you.". I felt so incredibly sad and didn't know how I was going to survive with nobody there to cook for, nobody there to watch t.v. with, and nobody there to hug.
My days were now filled with barely making it through the day. I'd struggle to do my job at work, then come home just to sit there crying uncontrollably until I eventually fell asleep. I couldn't eat, and oftentimes I had to struggle just to breathe. It constantly felt like someone had their hands around my neck choking the life right out of me.
Transitioning into midlife packed up and down research in developmental psychology talks about this stage in the lifespan as being one in which we start to offer our crystallized intelligence to future generations. We start to experience physical effects like declining vision, weight gain, and for women, menopause. It's no wonder that I had such a difficult time with all this happening at once. My experience with empty nest syndrome affected my life in such a drastic way I think one major reason it was so devastating to me why is the fact that I had no type of support system. It's taken some time, but I'm beginning to adjust to life without Jack be with me everyday. it helps that he adjusted very well, and assistance graduated from Sacramento State University California with a in sociology and it's also credentialed as a high school teacher. I should also mention that my nest is no longer empty due to the fact that I had another child who is now 3 years old.
I wouldn't take away any of my life experiences if I could. I've experienced a lot of heartache and stumbled along the way, but I'm proud of the person I am today. I have developed into a strong person. I'm the same person I've always been, but my personality and behaviors have shifted throughout my personal development. I would describe myself as having a good character good personality traits. I am kind, loving, unselfish, dedicated and I'm beginning to accept things that can't be changed in my life. As far as research related to my personality, I do have results from the Big five personality test and personality type finder. The results claim that i am reliable, a caretaker, a little neurotic, and that I am more of a feeling than a thinking person. For the OCEAN acronym, which stands for openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, my results are : openness 42%, conscientiousness 44%, extraversion 48%, agreeableness 71%, and neuroticism 63%. It seems like the results are accurate.
Being raised by parents that were neglectful, raising my oldest son as a single mother, then coping with life without him have all been the biggest influences on who I am today. research in the areas related to my personal experience has been mostly accurate in predicting a lot of my behaviors and experiences. Throughout the development of this paper, my most Ive realized that listen to parenting seems like there left to done to prevent child neglect and other forms of child abuse. Some ideas I have are implementing courses in personal development and parenting skills as early as Elementary School. I also think that as a society particular doctors, nurses and teachers need to be especially vigilant in identifying families who are at risk, and extending resources to aid in prevention and intervention. We may not be able to choose our parents, but we do have the ability to make choices to better our personal development. I have made the choice to stop being stuck in the past and keep my focus on positive areas that will strengthen my personal development. "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become" Carl Jung
References
Center on the Developing Child (2007). The Impact of Early Adversity on Child Development (InBrief). Retrieved from developingchild.harvard.edu.
HaaGGGGS, L. L. (1989). The empty nest syndrome: myth or reality?. Journal of Counseling and Development, 68(2), 180-183
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2015). Supportive Relationships and Active
OpenStax College (2014). Introduction to Psychology. OpenStax College.
Skill-Building .... (2019). Retrieved 22 July 2019, from https:National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2015).
Truity.@ jessiemkay
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