Researching expanding of life expectancy - paper

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

People can live longer, but...

Expand life expectancy is always expected of each people in the modern society. It is true that people in industrialised nations live longer than ever before. The increasing of geriatric population has many negative effects not only on society but also on individuals. In my essay, I will show causes and effects as well as solution or reduce this problem.

The average life expectancy is increasing brought negative effects in the modern world. This led to an increase in the number of retired people while there is only a smaller population of young adult working. In this case, the government will spend a lot of money to pay for people who will receive a pension. At the same time, the government will levy greater tax on working people to compensate those expenses such as healthcare. Moreover, young people will have to spend more time to look after elderly relatives and they will not have more time for themselves and society's activities.

However, there are many ways that the government can take to solve the problems. First and foremost, the government should be given a policy about age of retire longer than before. If the former retirement age is 50 then it will now be 60 or 65 because medical advances and health programmes might allow elderly people stay healthy and work for longer. Moreover, the government should be encouraged somebody to have more children and encourage immigration with who have highly qualified. By this way, the number of younger adults will be increased and then minimize some effects of this problem.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for negative effects of average life expectancy on individuals and society, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.

Hi Jerry, I am sorry to say this but your essay response doesn't make too much sense to a native English speaker / reader. Your sentence structure probably makes sense when written or spoken in your native tongue. However, the sentence structure becomes confusing and less understandable when written in the same form in English. I am afraid that your essay response suffered tremendously in terms of C&C as well as GRA considerations because of the problems with your language fluency and sentence structure. The overall essay is distressing to read because the sentences seem to be lacking in terms of information or topics. You have a problem with presenting the subject of each sentence and that has led to an essay that causes problems with the reader.

In addition to those problems, you also have the problem with how you paraphrased the original prompt. Since this is a direct question essay that asks you to respond to 2 questions, the last 2 sentences of the prompt paraphrase should have indicated the topics for discussion in your response. You should have told the reader what problem will be caused by the longer life expectancy and also, what measures you suggest in order to curb these effects. It should not be implied but rather stated as a part of the prompt paraphrase since that will also serve as the outline of your discussion. This outline can then help you to better address the prompt discussions in the body of your essay.

Practice using the English language more in terms of thinking, speaking, and writing modes. That way you will lose the transliteration problem that you currently have with regards to English language use. Transliteration means you are thinking in your language and then translating it to English by simply looking for word equivalents without considering its meaning or its word usage / vocabulary meaning. When you use the wrong English equivalent word for your native word, you end up with a confusing and senseless sentence presentation or structure. Which is exactly what happened in this essay presentation of yours.

In general, your grammar is good, your supporting points is good too, But In my opinion, I think you should explain deeply for reader. I think they are all supporting points, you should be add more specific informations and examples. It will help your essay better.