The actions of humanity in polluting the earth - a reference letter for yourself describing yourself

The question is - 'The students who are nominated for the ____ International Scholarship are students who have demonstrated exceptional academic achievement and creativity, who are accepted as leaders within their school, and who have the potential to contribute to the global community in the future. They can be distinguished from other students who may have equally high academic results by virtue of their breadth of interest, intellectual energy and impact on the life of their school and community.

Write a letter of reference for yourself in the third person describing how the applicant (you) meets these criteria. The letter should refer to the specific achievements and experiences. It may also comment on any weaknesses. (300 word maximum)'

my response:

I've had the pleasure of being Aghna's inner self these past 17 years, and it would be my immense gratification to recommend you for this undergraduate scholarship program. Looking at the scholarship's criteria, I am confident to say that Aghna excels at all of them. Academically he ranks on top of his peers, always ranking top 5 in his year for every monthly report.

Furthermore, alongside being academically exceptional, he has shown good leadership throughout his school life. Having had the pleasure of being the appointed student representative and elected member of the student body council. Organizing multiple intra school events, and mentoring countless students academically and personally. Through his academic pursuit, he was the elected executive of his school's Physics Olympiad Club, where he competed nationwide as a representative of his school, having won 3rd place in the Indonesian Science Society Physics Olympiad.

From his actions I can be sure to say that Aghna always seeks to help others. During his free time he enjoys engaging in teaching kids from poor areas of his city English and improving their interest in knowledge, an activity he seemingly had a knack for ever since his student study service in the village of Kuningan. Where he helped the local community in their daily life; from cleaning animal pens, cultivating rice fields, and teaching Math and English in the local school.

Although he doesn't like to admit it, ever since he was a child he has suffered from constant anxiety and depression, something that has become more prominent during his final years. The constant pressure of academic success has haunted him throughout highschool, and has held him back from engaging in activities with his peers. A regret I believe Aghna will forever Remember. Though, it has never held him back, having used it as motivation for his dream of reversing the actions of humanity in polluting the earth.

could anyone help give me an evaluation? things that i would need to change or add , im currently 15 words past the limit, and also need help shortening it out without changing any meanings

Try to match up your words with everyday conversational English. For example, people would not normally say "my immense gratification". Instead, they would say something like "my privilege" or "my honor", which are more accepted in everyday conversations, which this letter is supposed to be.


Give your end of year position in the overall year level. The claim you are making lacks supporting information.


How did he perform on the national level? Did he win a place on the podium? How did he accept defeat if he did not win? That would show his character when faced with disappointment and failure.


This would be more admirable if you were a part of the a community organization of some sort. Please name the organization if you are part of one. If not, then indicate that you are trying to start one in your community and mention the reception of the community to the action.


This normally connotes a period of time leading up to the death of a person. Please rephrase this portion.

@Holt
Thank you so much, I gladly appreciate it