Hello Guys,
I'm preparing an essay required to get a grant. It's an award for the best students at my University and there is no specific purpose that I have to use it for.
I would be greatful if you give me some comments and advices on the overall concept.
Any comments on grammar and structures will also be appreciated, because I know that my English isn't perfect.
I think every of us remember that time when a nursery school teacher asked: 'Who would you like to be in the future?' For some it was a simple question, for some extremely difficult. As a six years old boy I replied straight away: 'I want to be a designer', whether I knew what it meant or not. To be honest, I said that probably because I just liked the word 'designer', completely unaware that this simple sentence would be a self-fulfilling prophecy in the future.
As a child I used to spent all the time in my father's workshop, what was completely incomprehensible to both my parents and peers. My first self-made small wind turbine was build when I was ten. Of course it was more a toy than a real machine, but everyone was astonished that this thing even rotates. Having succeed, I started to build bigger and bigger machines, so that the last ones were over three meters diameter. After that I knew that the word 'designer' hadn't been a mistake and I should keep up the momentum.
And I did so. I applied Power Engineering at The Faculty of Power and Aeronautical Engineering. It turned out that my experience from previous years and a thing that people used to call 'engineer's intuition' made me an outstanding student. But I knew that having even great engineering skills is not enough to succeed, so I started studying Economics at University of Warsaw to comprehend the principles of energy market and to learn how to make my engineering ideas profitable. I have won a recruitment process to PKN Orlen and I work part-time job, so I can use the knowledge gained during bachelor studies. I am also a member of Energy Academy Society, which is a project intended to create a unique group of cooperating engineers, economists and lawyers interested in energy industry.
I believe that everyone who wants to be happy have to do what he has real passion for. The scholarship will help me develop my skills and knowledge in the field of producing energy. I will be able to invest in education by attending additional courses and buying materials. I am certain that if I get the scholarship it will benefit both me and the development of new technologies in energy engineering.
Thank you so much for your help!
I think everyone of us remember that time when a nursery school teacher askedhad answered the question, 'Who would you like to be in the future?", at some point of life.For some it was a simple question, for someHowever, for me, it was anextremely difficult question to answer. As a six years old boy I replied straight away: 'I want to be a designer', whether I knew what it meant or not. To be honest, I said that probably because I just liked the word 'designer', completely unaware that this simple sentenceword would be a self-fulfilling prophecy in the future.
As a child I used to spent all the time in my father's workshop, what was completely incomprehensible to both my parents and peers
I just look for some errors: spent => spend; in=> at; what => which
But I knew that having even great engineering skills is not enough to succeed
is => was
energy market and to learn
Thanks for replies, I'll correct mistakes a little bit later (exam in macroeconomics tomorrow...)
What do you think about the last paragraph (conlusion)? Don't you think it's too short compared to preceding story?
I'm not really satisfied with it. Do you think the arguments I gave are strong enough? Or maybe you have some other, better ideas?
New points of view are very helpful and important :)
