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My aim is to produce innovative technologies that would fulfill people`s needs. SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY



nilu228 1 / -  
Sep 6, 2018   #1

PERSONAL STATEMENT / THE SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM



Looking back and asking myself what was essential for my happiness as a child, I would say it was creating something new and making people around me happy. Now, I aim to produce innovative technologies that would fulfill people`s needs. Thus, my essential goal to contribute a society has not changed throughout a decade.

I also have come to realize that my previous experience resembles the work I want to do. I have always had difficulties to overcome, just as engineers face challenges too. Probably, the first problem I had to resolve was the language barrier. My parents could not make a living and support a family in Uzbekistan, so 3 years after my birth they have had to seek employment in Russia. They could not afford to come back frequently, so they let my grandmother to raise me. My grandmother is Russian, so she did not speak Uzbek while I did not speak Russian. It was really hard, especially when she refused to give me food until I asked her to give me food in Russian. However, I have stopped to consider a language as a barrier between us but as a bridge which I can cross to become closer with my grandmother. After that, I moved to Russia at the age of 6 as a fluent speaker.

I think my creativity will be fruitful in an engineer`s work. To be precise, I enjoy making toys and mini devices. Before, I made speaking toys with the help of arduino, an easy electronics platform, I also made toy electric cars with the help of batteries and a tiny electronic motor. Once I had to interview my classmates for the project, I needed them to speak to the camera, but I had 2 microphones and the only one microphone input in my camera. So, I made a branching device of 4 pin jack connector by soldering them together.

Moreover, I am sure that I am good at analysis. I have been learning Korean for 4 years without a teacher. I have made Korean a true part of my life by surrounding myself by all Korean things. I watched Korean dramas, listened to Korean music and spoke with native speakers and payed attention to every single detail I learnt.

Besides, my determination is a credible assurance of success. I have been always participating in local sports contests and once I had a race. I was the weakest runner in the team, actually. I was gasping for air and my heart was about to explode, however I continued running through pain and tears. Toward the end of the race, I could taste blood in my throat, but I ran until the finish. I was the last anyway. However, my teacher came to me and said today nobody lost. When I asked why, he answered that the one who endeavors to achieve a goal never loses. That words taught me an important lesson. I follow these words with sincere respect and love and that is why I never give up on my dreams. For example, I had an interest in Korean culture for a very long time and wanted to visit Korea. Nonetheless, my parents were not able to go with me because of their work. I saved money and decided to travel to Korea alone. Of course, I needed a permission of my parents, so we really needed to cooperate together. I am very thankful to my parents because they always said me to follow my dreams no matter what. At the age of 16 I went travelling Seoul alone and did not regret my decision at all. In contrast, I was really grateful to myself as I gained so much experience and positive emotions.

I became interested in Aerospace Engineering when I became familiar with Elon Musk. I saw a video of a successful launch and a landing of Falcon 9 rocket. In the video, Elon Musk looked so passionate about what he is doing. I have never seen such passion in my life before. Also, engineers of SpaceX were standing with bated breath and their eyes were sparkling with fire. That moment I realized that this job is exactly what I want to do. A brilliant career of Elon Musk, which he achieved following his beliefs and faith , is a model for young people. He was one who proved me that no matter how big your dream is you can pursue it.

I believe that aerospace industry is one of the most dynamic and fast moving industries. I also believe that it is the most perspective and productive one. Moreover, because facilitating our lives costed our planet`s environmental health, the future of our Earth remains my priority concern for many years. I consider the exploration of space as the most efficient way to restore a natural balance by finding resources depleting on the Earth. That is why I want to design spacecrafts which are capable of reaching far destinations as safely and comfortable as possible. KGSP is a great opportunity to gain expertise and experience to accomplish this goal and to contribute to society. Korea has highly competitive educational system, which allows students to stay focused on their studies. Having said that, I sincerely admire Korea as ,even though it is a tiny country with almost no natural resources, it was capable to recover after the destructive war within just a few generations. 60 years after Korean war, Republic of Korea was able to launch Nar0-1 in 2013. The fact that people dreamed to reach space and actually achieved this dream amazes me. . South Korea is rated one of the top best highest technology countries on the planet due to making advanced robots, cars, trains, computers, boats, air conditioners, televisions, helicopters and planes. Also, it has one of the largest and stable economies in the world and it cultivates talented scientists. So, I am convinced that Korea has great potential in space industry I am aware that South Korea produces a fair amount of highly professional satellites, however, it has to seek assistance from other countries to launch them. In my opinion, Korea has great perspectives to build a strong independent aerospace industry. Moreover, Korean people and culture has been appealing me for a number of years. From my perspective, Korean people always seek for justice and strive for perfection in everything. These values are mine values too.

Overall, I think getting Korean government scholarship is a key to implementing my dream and benefitting Korean society as well as the rest of the World.

Ahnne 1 / 1  
Sep 7, 2018   #2
I think this essay is too long because Writing just at least 250 words
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15470  
Sep 7, 2018   #3
Avoid overly dramatic presentations such as having your grandmother withhold food until you spoke to her in Russian to ask for it. Those are exaggerations that are not going to help your essay. Dramatic essays will get you nowhere when the prompt requires you to be serious and not exaggerated in your information presentation. That is why your prompt requirements are for and I suggest you respond only in a direct manner to those questions without exaggerations as you are prone to do in this essay. The language barrier between you and your grandmother is irrelevant. That is not related to the KGSP requirements in any way. Forget the language barrier. You are not applying to become a linguist so that is totally useless in the discussion.

You lack a presentation of your educational background and accomplishments. That is a requirement for the KGSP scholarship program because they want to admit only the academically excellent graduates from around the world. If you do not have any educational background and accomplishments to present then your essay will already be weak and most likely not qualified for consideration.

You have too much focus on pretending to be a native Korean speaker. Unless you are a TOPIK passer, you cannot fool the reviewer into thinking that. Instead, focus on presenting yourself as a learner of the language who is eager to become fluent in it.

Your extra curricular activities are again, exaggerated. As I recall, you wrote this for a different essay application and you decided to throw this in here. It does not fit the narrative requirement of KGSP so you need to revise it to better reflect the requirements for the extra curricular activities. The aim is to show that yo are a socially well adjusted person who knows how to compete and win. You also need to prove that you are useful to your local community through volunteer activities. A KGSP scholar must show that he is not self centered and can put the need of others above his own if it will benefit the community.

As a personal statement, you do not need to discuss Aerospace Engineering at this point. If you notice, that is not required in the prompt listing and therefore, should not be presented in the actual essay. Do not offer information that is not required by the prompt listing. You can save this for your study plan instead. Talk about the educational abilities of Korea instead and why you believe that you cannot learn these in Uzbekistan or Russia, the latter being well known for aerospace development as well. Justify the reasons why you believe that Korea is the best place for you to learn based on their academic achievements. Don't confuse the discussion with a history lesson.


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