Ashin, the vocalist of the Taiwanese rock band Mayday is my role model.

Hi guys
I'm applying for the NTU scholarship, would appreciate if y'all could help me sort out any grammatical mistakes and comment on what I've written. Thanks:)

Describe, in less than 300 words, a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you. You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you.

Ashin, the vocalist of the Taiwanese rock band Mayday is my role model. I admire him because he possesses the courage to pursue his dreams and takes action to make them a reality. From young, Ashin's ambition was to become a singer but his vocal range was too narrow and he could not reach high notes. Instead of resigning to fate, Ashin did not give up on his dream and he practised hard to hone his singing skills. As compared to most bands who would join public performances and hope for record companies to scout for them, Ashin and his band created their own opportunities by taking the initiative to send their demos to various record companies. Eventually, they secured a contract with Rock Records which signalled the beginning of their successful music career.

Another reason I respect Ashin is because of his dedication to his music and fans. Ashin only gives the best to his fans. Every line of lyrics in his songs is painstakingly picked from hundreds of lines of lyrics that he had written. The final lyrics in his songs are actually a result of countless revisions.

"If you do nothing, your dream will always remain a dream." This is something that I learnt from Ashin. My dream is to become an actuary. Enrolling into NBS would kickstart my journey in realising that dream of mine.

How is my essay?Is it ok?

FromSince he was young, Ashin's ambition was to become a singer but his vocal range was too narrow and he could not reach high notes.

As compared to most bands who would join public performances and hope for record companies to scout for them, Ashin and his band created their own opportunities by taking the initiative to send their demos to various record companies.

This is something that I learnted from Ashin.

Hello,
I hope these edits help. It was written well, but I have one concern. I am not sure that the subject is good for trying to get a scholarship. I think you should pick something that shows development of your character.

Someone you know personally would be a better choice than a famous singer. Or talk about a deeper reason why you like this person so much. EX, where you bullied and music was your only outlet? Just something a little deeper.