'bachelorette in four years' - Should short and long term goals be straightforward or fluffed?

the prompt is: In 500 words or less, please describe your short-term and long-term personal and education/career goals and what has helped to shape your goals. What specific steps will you take to reach your personal/education/career goals?

This is my essay so far. I know there are many grammatical errors however I would like to know if the content is good or not.

My short -term goal is to graduate high school while getting rid of as many college prerequisite classes as possible at my community college before going to university next fall. In addition to this, I hope to be able to find where my career interest is before heading to university. To do this I am trying to job shadow all the careers that I have any slight interest in. As of right now, I know I would like to have a career in the medical field, however where is still the question. I am currently looking at a career as a registered dietitian, pharmacist, or physician. I also plan to get my pharmacy technician certificate in the spring. Another goal I have is to try to make and save up as much money as I can before fall. My last goal is make my mom and aunt as dependent as they can before I leave for college. They both depend on me for many day to day translating needs and I hope make them be able to not depend on me as much anymore, because I won't be able to help while at university.

My long term goal is to graduate from Kansas State University with a bachelorette in four years. While there I would like to possibly major in biology and minor in business. During that time I would like to be involved in as many activities and try as many new things as possible, this includes studying abroad. After my four years at K-State, if I decided on a medical career field that requires either a masters or doctorates, I would then apply the University of Kansas's Medical School. After my second graduation, I would like to complete any type of residency or internship required. In addition, I would like to possibly move my mom and aunt to the west coast so they can be closer to family and to an area with a larger Asian population so they can be more at ease. Eventually I would like to make enough money to provide for my mom and aunt, so they do not have to work at Tyson.

The items that have helped to shape these goals are everyone I've encountered whether they thought I would succeed or fail. I would like to prove to those who thought I would not amount to much by being successful while at the same time satisfying those who have supported me thus far. I will always keep in mind to work as hard as I can every day to make sure all of these goals are reached. At the end of the day if I do not make an initiative to work hard I am ultimately just letting myself down. To complete all of my goals I will work hard and complete the short term goals at hand so I can then move onto my long term goals.

Writing has never been my forte and one of the most difficult things I can never decide on is whether fluffing is good or bad.

My short -term goal is to graduate high school while getting rid of as many college prerequisite classes as possible at my community college before going to a university next fall. In addition, I hope to find my career interest before heading to a university. To accomplish this goal, I am shadowing all the careers that I have an interest in. As of right now, I know I would like to have a career in the medical field, however, where is still the question. I am currently looking at a career as a registered dietitian, pharmacist, or physician. I also plan to get my pharmacy technician certificate in the spring. Another of my goals is to make and save as much money as I can before the fall. My final short term goal is to make my mom and aunt as independent as they can before I leave for college. They both depend on me for many day to day translating needs and I hope to assist them to help them become as independent as they can be because I will not be able to help while I am away at college.

My long term goal is to graduate from Kansas State University with a Bachelor's Degree. While there, I would like to possibly major in biology and minor in business. During that time I would like to be involved in as many activities and try as many new things as possible, this includes studying abroad. After my four years at K-State, if I decided on a medical career field that requires either a masters or doctorates, I would then apply the University of Kansas's Medical School. After my second graduation, I would like to complete any type of residency or internship required. In addition, I would like to possibly move my mom and aunt to the west coast so they can be closer to family and to an area with a larger Asian population so they can be more at ease. Eventually I would like to make enough money to provide for my mom and aunt, so they do not have to work at Tyson.

The items that have helped to shape my goals are everyone I've encountered throughout my life, whether they believed I would succeed or fail. I would like to prove to those who strongly felt I would not amount to much by being successful while at the same time satisfying those who have supported me thus far. I will always keep in mind to work as hard as I can every day to make sure all of these goals are reached. At the end of the day if I do not make an initiative to work hard I am ultimately just letting myself down. To complete all of my goals I will work hard and complete the short term goals at hand so I can then move onto my long term goals.

You're essay is pretty good, but there were a few grammar errors. I fixed some of them above ^. Also, try rephrasing some of the sentences that you've written. As i was reading i felt as though there were a lot of run on sentences. And, try using more definitive terms such as 'I will" instead of "I would like to", it makes it seem like wishful thinking. You want to prove to them that you WILL be involved in many activities and that these are your goals.