Becoming a successful doctor. Personal statement for Ugrad Scholarship programme.

Ugrad Scholarship programme personal statement

hello guys. i have written a personal statement for the Ugrad Scholorship programme. can someone please check it and give their valuable suggestions on the mistakes and how to improve it. thanks

Being born and raised in a region which has been significantly affected by terrorism since last decade, and going through very grievous experiences, I was motivated to choose the field of medicine from a very tender age. Years of academic devotion and hard work finally paid off when I landed in one of the top medical institutes of the country. I have an ambitious and socially proactive personality that helps me blend with people very easily. I love trekking, playing sports and making new friends. In my life, I have developed a very deep sense of sympathizing with people in agony and pain, and trying to help them has become more of an innate response.

A lot of my time is spent on social work. I have organized various free medical camps in the remote areas of my province along with career counselling sessions and cultural shows for my juniors at the university. I am also a senior member of a student organization the arranges cancer and thalassemia awareness programs, blood and volunteer camps in case of calamities and helping with the school expenses of poor children.

By becoming a successful doctor, I want to create awareness among people about diseases like cancer, thalassemia and leukemia that are prevalent in our society and guide them on how to effectively prevent and treat them. Going to the US will provide me a Golden opportunity to get an insight of the ways the best health care system in the world functions in tackling the diseases with the most up to date techniques. Moreover, I will be able to represent my diverse culture and clear the misconceptions about my country while also learning on how the US system motivates a good majority of their people to take part in social work activities and implement them back home.

@spartan1 your essay is as serious as a heart attack when what is required is a more lighthearted approach to the essay requirements. Beyond the difficulties of what, what are your interests and hobbies? Introduce yourself to the reviewer in the opening statement. What is it about you that the other participants of the program, whom you will be interacting with find memorable and enjoyable about you as a person and as a companion? Would you consider yourself a socially active person? If yes, then how and why?

Your second paragraph should represent the reasons why you want to become a doctor. It should not be discussing the volunteer activities that you have. Explain the kind of doctor that you want to be. Be specific in relation to your personal interests. General statements like the one you present that constantly makes mention of your country does not fit into the profile of a UGrad candidate. You need to present a focused statement that tells the reviewer how you plan on making a difference in your country and how this program can be of help to you in that aspect. In fact, you should write about why it is personally important for you to achieve your goal of becoming a doctor. The "I want to help my country" part should just be the end result of that, not the focal point as it is in your essay.

You are not really being clear as to why you want to spend a semester in the USA. Think of more specific benefits such as being able to visit various teaching hospitals that can help you become a better doctor in the future. Or perhaps, explain that the educational institutions in your country do not really have the ability to teach you what you need to know in order to achieve your ambitions in life.

Remove the generic feel of your essay by focusing on yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, and your plans as to how you wish to achieve those things. Make sure to highlight how your experiences will help to add to the uniqueness of this batch of UGrad participants because of your special motivations, talent, or abilities. In other words, don't box yourself in by just filling in the blanks with general responses meant to simply fill in the word count. There is a difference between just filling the word count and making the words that you use count.

@Holt
thank you very much for your valuable and detailed advice. means alot.
i just wanted to clarify somethings. firstly this is a personal statement for USEFP global ugrad exchange program for one semester and they require a statement according to the following criteria.

Yourself in terms of interests and personality,
Your academic objectives,
Your goals in terms of your field of study and personal development,
The reasons you wish to pursue them in U.S.A., and the type of program you hope to pursue and how it relates to your interests and future objectives

Moreover i read around 15 of the personal statements of different people who actually got selected and went to the US. their statements had somewhat the same division of content. so i dont understand how should i change it to a light heartened approach.

With all this being said can you please help me on how to start the first paragraph with a lightened approach ?