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I do believe in maximizing my potential for success. Major experience and its influence on me.



kostavogi 3 / 1  
Mar 8, 2015   #1
Im in quite a situation here. My response has to be 50 words at most. However, now it is over 100. I need help abridging, or shortening, it. Remember, at most it can be 50 words!

I would alos appreciate any feedback and/or possible revisions to the following essay:

Instructions: Respond to the following prompt with a paragraph.

Prompt: Tell us about a significant experience, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

While I am not an advocate of spreading ones self too thin, I do believe in maximizing my potential for success. As a result, I have put many things on my plate, thus sacrificing both adequate rest and leisure time so that I may lay the groundwork for my future medical career. My epiphany arrived while I was volunteering at a local hospital. I enjoyed being able to make a difference in the hospital's daily routine.

Volunteering in the medical field also gave me some enthralling insights into the mechanics of the treatment process and doctors' decision-making process, ultimately encouraging me to pursue a career in the medical field. My experience ultimately encouraged me to peruse a career in the medical field.

EF_Kayt - / 1  
Mar 9, 2015   #2
You're response is well written with just a few minor edits needed as far as grammar goes. Since you're original response was approximately double the word limit, I did omit a significant portion while trying to include the most important phrases that responded to the prompt. Below is the edited version:

While volunteering at a local hospital, I was able to gain some insight into the treatment process and doctor's decision making process. This experience ultimately encouraged me to pursue a career in the medical field as well as sacrifice adequate rest and leisure time in order to obtain it.
lynzee22 - / 87  
Mar 17, 2015   #3
While I am not an advocate of spreading ones self too thin, I do believe in maximizing my potential for success.

As a result, I have put many things on my plate, thus sacrificing both adequate rest and leisure time so that I may lay the groundwork for my future medical career .thus learning to balance both my personal life and my professional life adequately.

My epiphany arrived I discovered I was passionate about medicine while I was volunteering at a local hospital. I enjoyed being able to make a difference in the hospital's daily routine.

... ultimately encouraging me to pursue a career in the medical field.

It still needs to be cut by about 35 words, but I cut it down as much as I could.
Also, you do not stick with the prompt very well. You can cut everything out except for the part about the hospital. talk more about what happened while you were there instead of talking about how you have sacrificed leisure time (that does not sound good)

Hope this helped


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