The 99 or the 1? Beyond all Odds!
Who am I? That seems to be a question that all have asked themselves throughout their lives. Not me. I have always known who I am. I am Brenda Fluitt, a child that was thrown away at age 15. A child that grew into an adult and survived and even thrived beyond all odds. I am a person that never graduated 8th grade yet ended my career (yes career) making a salary in the mid to upper five digits. Beyond all odds? Yes!
The early years of my life were hard to say the least. The formative years they call them. I grew up in a home in the heart of Texas. An abused child in retrospect is an understatement. My physical and sexual abusive started at a very early age. My earliest memory was around 5. The abusers were my father, grandfather, and brother-in-law.
I remember at one point thinking to myself "what have I done for this to be right". At about 8 years old I must have started discovering who I was. I was the only female child in the house so therefore I had to do the dishes after dinner while my brother and dad watched TV. I broke all the dishes in the house. The feminist was born I think. That did not end the way I wanted it to.
At 14 depression and desperation set in and I tried to commit suicide. I was admitted into ICU. My doc came to see me and I tried once again to get help. I told him about the abuse. He listened and released me the next day to go home to the same old same old. That did not end the way I wanted it to either.
I knew if I was to survive I had to stop the abuse myself. I started fighting back. By fighting back I mean physically. In retrospect, yes I was a big disruption in the house. Survival had started for me. The abuse took a new form. Verbal. Physical was much easier to handle than the verbal. "Nobody will ever love you". You will never amount to anything".
Words can do one of two things devastate you or drive you. I came home from school when I was 15.. My mother met me at the door. There were some suitcases packed in the living room. I was told I had to leave. I was causing too much trouble in the house.
I had been working part time since I was 11 years old doing odd jobs, babysitting, breaking horses, hauling hay. I had saved my money and had bought my first car. I had $400.00. I left that day devastated and lost.
I lied about my age and went to work for a donut company in Houston. I slept in my car till I was 18. I could not rent an apartment till I was 18. I had saved my money and rented my first home. I drifted from job to job till I was 26. Words can do two things devastate you or drive you. I started my 30 year career in medical at age 26. I was a medical transcriptionist. I ended my career as an IT specialist.
"You will never amount to anything". Those words drove me, kept me focused, brought me to where I am now. Fulfilling a hunger I have always had. Knowledge. I am back in school at age 56. Following a calling. Remember the 99 and 1? I am the 1. I was never afraid to dream. Dreams were my own or at least I thought they were. I started going back to church at age 26. I always believed in God, knew God was real, for everybody else but me. The journey between God and me began way back when. I was never alone during all the years. God has claimed me and called me to ministry. Beyond all odds!!
I have spent the last 25 years of my life doing any and all things God asked me to do. If it was for the glory of God my answer was always yes. I was fundraiser for my local church and sat on the Board of Directors. I have traveled to and from Louisiana doing feasibility studies for new churches. Opening new churches in Louisiana, training staff to be on the Board of Directors, working with them during the process of calling a pastor. I served as Conference Coordinator for my church for five years. I put together conferences for Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arkansas, and Texas. I have preached, consecrated and offered communion to all of Gods people. I have written and taught classes about "Inclusivity in the Church". I have held the hand of two very special people in my life as they took their last breath here on earth and had the privilege of seeing the Spirit of God take them as I prayed.
How could this scholarship help me? That is a hard thing for me to answer. I have never asked anybody for help. It would help me fulfill a lifelong dream. scholarship can help me further my professional training. It would help with the cost of tuition, books, gas money to get to and from school, allow me to focus on learning, and following my call to ministry. Overall, this scholarship will help me accomplish my current goal, move on to the next and eventfully become a successful minister to the terminally ill.
Your story is so emotional, I really enjoyed it. I don't know how to respond because I was so touched. This is a great essay!!
At about 8 years old I must have started discovering who I was.
From such tender age of eight, I must have started discovering who I was.The feminist was born I think.
This was the birth of a feminist.At 14
,depression and desperation set in
at its heights and I tried to commit suicide.
My doc came to see me and I tried once again to get help.
I sought help from the doctor thinking he would understand my plight. But to my dismay, he discharged me the next day letting me return home, to the same old house, and I was back at square one again.Thank you so much. I can see how that flows so much better
three times it happened that i opened your thread and then reclosed it. today i thought i must just give it a try because i was not reading it just out of lethargy! and here i am. i read it and then couldn't help saving it in my bookmarks!
great writing. loved the developed passion. i couldn't read it with the critical point of view as most of us do at this platform of this forum. the interest was developed to read it for fun, not for making corrections. but if you need help in that respect, i can certainly reread it for that :)
your essay wasn't of any prompt! right? you wrote it for your ownself. if it isn't, it seems so because that was too greatly inspiring. i visit this forum just for my love in reading, writing and helping. your essay was one of my best experiences at this forum!! BEST OF LUCK!
How could this scholarship help me? That is a hard thing for me to answer.
.... I feel you better leave this out. Don't say you do not know how it's going to help you because it may reflect that you don't understand the value of it.
I have never asked anybody for help.
All in my life, I have never turned to anybody for help and this is the first time I am seeking assistance to fulfill my life long goal. Yes, this scholarship would help me further my professional training ...If you can, I'd say lengthen this essay and spent your time imagining the past to develop the emotional aspect. You can make everyone cry easily.
On an unrelated topic:
Amen, god blesses you and your life. Miss, you're beautiful
Thank you very much for your feedback. This is a writing assignment that I have had to do for my first class in college. Writing has been my hardest thing to accomplish with my lack of formal education so I have struggled with it. The assignment is for applying for at least three scholarships so that is why the report was written.
I was afraid I had made it to long already. This was a hard piece to write, to put it out there for perfect strangers to read. I am not sure how much emotion to put into this. So much was not added, was a lot of years in between beginning and now. The feedback has been amazing. Thank you
It's a touching story! Wish you the best luck to get the scholarship!
