Hello! The prompt for the Cornelius Vanderbilt essay is listed below along with the essay! Please be honest, and offer constructive criticism! It would really help! Please also let me know if i addressed the prompt! (500 words max, I believe)
While each student will eventually select at least one area of concentrated study, the College of Arts and Science is committed to introducing every student to a broad range of subjects.
Which academic interests and/or passions might be a part of your academic journey at Vanderbilt and why?
A comforter. I held the title proudly and smiled and exited the Blood Drive meeting room. Finally, I would be able to show my passion for others. It would be new to me, especially as a freshman who viewed high school as a Hierarchy -I was on the bottom. However, that order would break when I knew I could just as useful and passionate as the seniors on top.
(new paragraph) Becoming a comforter was the biggest irony for me. I have been afraid of the mere sight of needles ever since I was a child-so how was I even supposed to comfort a person who was just as scared as I was? Allowing that fear of needles to shroud my ability to help others was a negative. Bracing myself for the worst, I approached a middle age man whom the nurses were preparing to give blood. Perspiration skimmed his brows and his hands were shaking. Glancing over at the needle the nurse held, I could feel my body joining in the movements of the donor. Swallowing my fear, I put on a genuine smile and began to engage in small conversation with the man. The small talk grew and grew until we both began to tell jokes. Not only did I successfully avert the man's attention from the needle, but he also did the same for me. If he could become oblivious to the needle and gladly give his blood for a greater good, then so could I.
(new paragraph)My passion for being a comforter is what I use outside of the Blood Drive. Using it in my every day life has become somewhat like my second nature. The image of smiling man with a needle in his still looms in my thoughts; that day I helped him over come his fear as well as mine. I'm fervently excited and anxious to pursue community service projects in a warm college atmosphere where I'll be able to further that drive to helping others.
ALSO...I HAVE AN UPDATED VERSION. It would be very helpful to know which of the two sound better..
As a child my passion has always been to help others, nothing made me happier than to hear someone say "Bless you child", after I've done something to help them. My passion for helping and supporting others as led me to become involved in the Blood Drive committee at my high school.
My role on the committee is a Comforter. I have been a member since my freshman year and it has been the most fulfilling and rewarding experience of my life.
Becoming a comforter was the biggest irony for me, as I have always been afraid of the mere sight of needles. How then was I supposed to comfort a person who was just as scared as I was? I eventually made a commitment to myself that I would never allow the fear of anything, including needles, to shroud my ability to help others.
(NEW PARAGRAPH) I remember the very first time, I had to play my role, it was the first blood drive of the school year. Bracing myself for the worst, I approached a middle age man whom the nurses were preparing for his blood donation.
Perspiration skimmed his brows and his hands were shaking. Glancing over at the needle the nurse held, I could feel my body joining in the movements of the donor. Swallowing my fear, I put on a genuine smile and began to engage in small conversation with the man. The small talk grew and grew until we both began to tell jokes. Not only did I successfully avert the man's attention from the needle, but he also did the same for me. If he could become oblivious to the needle and gladly give his blood for a greater good, then so could I. This became my first time as a blood donor also.
(NEW PARAGRAPH)My role as comforter far extends the blood drive committee; I've also incorporated it into my everyday life. It has now become second nature for me to reach out to anyone in need - the elderly, children or young adults. My tasks also varies with individuals and or situations, it ranges from running errands, walking a dog, to playing a game of scrabble. It doesn't matter the tasks, just the knowledge that you are doing something to bring happiness to others is a wonderful feeling.
(NEW PARAGRAPH)The image of a smiling man, oblivious to the needle in his arm still looms in my thoughts; that day, I helped him over come his fear as well as mine. I'm fervently excited and anxious to pursue community service projects in college, where I'll be able to further that drive to help others. It is also no surprise that my career goal is to become a doctor.
While each student will eventually select at least one area of concentrated study, the College of Arts and Science is committed to introducing every student to a broad range of subjects.
Which academic interests and/or passions might be a part of your academic journey at Vanderbilt and why?
A comforter. I held the title proudly and smiled and exited the Blood Drive meeting room. Finally, I would be able to show my passion for others. It would be new to me, especially as a freshman who viewed high school as a Hierarchy -I was on the bottom. However, that order would break when I knew I could just as useful and passionate as the seniors on top.
(new paragraph) Becoming a comforter was the biggest irony for me. I have been afraid of the mere sight of needles ever since I was a child-so how was I even supposed to comfort a person who was just as scared as I was? Allowing that fear of needles to shroud my ability to help others was a negative. Bracing myself for the worst, I approached a middle age man whom the nurses were preparing to give blood. Perspiration skimmed his brows and his hands were shaking. Glancing over at the needle the nurse held, I could feel my body joining in the movements of the donor. Swallowing my fear, I put on a genuine smile and began to engage in small conversation with the man. The small talk grew and grew until we both began to tell jokes. Not only did I successfully avert the man's attention from the needle, but he also did the same for me. If he could become oblivious to the needle and gladly give his blood for a greater good, then so could I.
(new paragraph)My passion for being a comforter is what I use outside of the Blood Drive. Using it in my every day life has become somewhat like my second nature. The image of smiling man with a needle in his still looms in my thoughts; that day I helped him over come his fear as well as mine. I'm fervently excited and anxious to pursue community service projects in a warm college atmosphere where I'll be able to further that drive to helping others.
ALSO...I HAVE AN UPDATED VERSION. It would be very helpful to know which of the two sound better..
As a child my passion has always been to help others, nothing made me happier than to hear someone say "Bless you child", after I've done something to help them. My passion for helping and supporting others as led me to become involved in the Blood Drive committee at my high school.
My role on the committee is a Comforter. I have been a member since my freshman year and it has been the most fulfilling and rewarding experience of my life.
Becoming a comforter was the biggest irony for me, as I have always been afraid of the mere sight of needles. How then was I supposed to comfort a person who was just as scared as I was? I eventually made a commitment to myself that I would never allow the fear of anything, including needles, to shroud my ability to help others.
(NEW PARAGRAPH) I remember the very first time, I had to play my role, it was the first blood drive of the school year. Bracing myself for the worst, I approached a middle age man whom the nurses were preparing for his blood donation.
Perspiration skimmed his brows and his hands were shaking. Glancing over at the needle the nurse held, I could feel my body joining in the movements of the donor. Swallowing my fear, I put on a genuine smile and began to engage in small conversation with the man. The small talk grew and grew until we both began to tell jokes. Not only did I successfully avert the man's attention from the needle, but he also did the same for me. If he could become oblivious to the needle and gladly give his blood for a greater good, then so could I. This became my first time as a blood donor also.
(NEW PARAGRAPH)My role as comforter far extends the blood drive committee; I've also incorporated it into my everyday life. It has now become second nature for me to reach out to anyone in need - the elderly, children or young adults. My tasks also varies with individuals and or situations, it ranges from running errands, walking a dog, to playing a game of scrabble. It doesn't matter the tasks, just the knowledge that you are doing something to bring happiness to others is a wonderful feeling.
(NEW PARAGRAPH)The image of a smiling man, oblivious to the needle in his arm still looms in my thoughts; that day, I helped him over come his fear as well as mine. I'm fervently excited and anxious to pursue community service projects in college, where I'll be able to further that drive to help others. It is also no surprise that my career goal is to become a doctor.