Dear All
Hope all is well at your end. I need your kind help in reviewing my essay. Your suggestions will be highly valued.
Regards
Please use the space below (or attach a separate sheet) to tell us about your experiences. How has the situation in the country where you live affected you and/or your family? Why do you want to come to Bradford to study and how will this scholarship help you achieve your goals? We expect to have many applications for these scholarships so please be as detailed as possible and refer to the tips for success on the website. Please continue onto further sheets if necessary. Please do not send a CV but include any evidence you have to support your personal statement. We may request evidence from you at a later date if your application is short listed.
At present terrorism is the gravest problem being faced by Pakistan. It has become a headache for the government and a nightmare for the members of the public. Although it's an international issue but Pakistan has to face the brunt of it. Taking part in the war in terror has further deteriorated the situation. We are facing war like situation against the miscreants. This intimidating situation is caused due to various factors i.e political instability, economic disparity, religious intolerence and social inequality. For Pakistan the consequences of being the epicenter of the war on terror have been disastrous physically, psychologically and economically.The war on terror has had negative political, economic and social repercussions for the country and specially the province of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (formerly known as NWFP).
Pakistani society has suffered huge irreparable losses in terms of human lives. Pakistan has lost 49000 lives in war against terror since September 11 attacks. According to Global Terrorism Index (GTI) report, Pakistan was the second most terrorism affected country in 2011 with 1,468 deaths and 2,459 injured persons in 910 terrorist attacks, highest after Iraq. The fatality figure was more than twenty four thousand for the period of 2001-2008. The last five years have proved costlier, in human terms. Another 25000 people (including both civilians and troops) lost their lives in fighting against militants since 2008. Moreover, 1030 schools and colleges were destroyed by Taliban in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KPK) from 2009-2013 causing a huge blow to the education sector.
The war on terror has muffled the already slow pace of our economic growth. The financial cost of the ongoing war on terror in the last two years alone has been $35 billion. This has badly affected the socio-economic development of the country. Pakistan stands at number 113 out of 130 as a tourist destination according to World Economic Forum report. This low ranking is attributed to incidents of terrorism. According to government reports the hotel industry in Swat (known as the Switerzland of Pakistan) suffered a huge loss of $60 billion.
Terror has led to psychological problems . Fear has created in our hearts. Depressions, trauma and confusions have mounted. The whole Pakistani population is living under everlasting threat of terrorism and suicide terror attacks.We are not sure while going out of our home that we will be able to return back to our family in the evening alive. We cannot turn on the Television as every breaking news makes our heart beat higher that again some untoward thing might have happened. Sucide bombing and blasts have become a norm of the day. This growing menace has created an environment of constant fear in the common members of the Pakistani society. Nobody feels safe from the threat, even the high and mighty in the power in the land. No place is safe from their attacks, not even the holy places of worship and tombs of saints. People have become mere mathematical figures, blown up in numbers now and then.
A society where terror exists cannot be termed as healthy. Terrorism has led to social disorganization. Social relations, economic transaction, free movements, getting education and carrying on religious duties has suffered. Pakistan involvement in the anti-terrorism campaign has caused unemployment, poverty, homelessness and other social evils. Frequent incidents of terror acts and displacements of the general masses has greatly affected the social fabric.
Taliban insurgents wanted to impose their own brand of laws and they started challenging the writ of the government in the districts of Lower Dir(the district to which I belong), Swat and Buner.This forced the Pakistan Army to take serious action against them and launched an operation on 26th April, 2009 in these areas, so as to flush out the anti-state actors from the conflict zone.
The military operation proved a humanitarian catastrophe for us. The Pakistan Army tried its best to avoid collateral damage by attacking only confirmed hideouts and strongholds in the valley. The military used heavy artillery and gunship helicopters, which somehow inevitably resulted in civilian casualties.
The military operation in our area led to a flood of Internally Displaced People (IDP) to seek shelter in safer areas, becoming homeless in their own homeland. This was the second largest migration in Pakistan after the 1947 partition. Approximately 35 lac people fled through difficult mountainous tracks to the neighbouring districts of Swabi and Mardan, where government had established refugee camps. Those fleeing the embattled area had to find their own road to safety. People who coud not afford private transport walked long distances on foot to reach safe destinations. The elders and children succumbed to diseases in overcrowded displacement camps. The camps were without power and had dwindling supplies of food, clean water and lack of health facilities. People had to wait for hours in long queues to get food and medical aid. The brave people of Malakand division refused to accept the Taliban brand of Islam and prefered to live in camps in extreme heat and miserable conditions for six to eight months.
At that time of Military operation and insurgency I was in 6th semester at University of Peshawar. The saddening images of the events that took place those days are still so vivid in my mind. I still remember the bad old days when I had to travel for nine hours in streams, uncemented roads, barren, unsafe lands to reach university in order to attend my classes. The normal travel takes 4 hours on the main road which was blocked due to curfew in these days. My education process was quite affected due to constant fear and tension about my family living there. The schools were closed for months in the whole region. The economic situation became shaky.The infrastructure of our areas was damaged due to continuous bombing and militancy. Local business suffered especially in the settled areas of Dir and Swat. The share of Tourism industry declined due to serious law and order situation. The homes were looted by militants and dacoits because all the people had migrated. Some homes were damaged in shelling due to militants hiding in them. I lost one of my dear school fellow in a bomb blast when he was offering prayer in the mosque.This was the worst time of my life, I won't be able to express my feeling because there are no words to put down my pain. All sacrifices for the sake of a safe,peaceful and terrorism free country.
Nowadays businesses starts late and closes early in the evening. The Taliban mostly targeted the barber shops and banned the barbers from shaving the beards as they consider it as unislamic. They also threatened the Cd's sellers of harsh consequences if they did not stopped their business. As a result a lot of barber shops and Cd shops were blown and most were closed by their owners. They also destroyed roads,bridges, electric supply grid stations in order to cut down all means of communication, thereby increasing our sufferings . The miscreants strongly criticize the girl's education and many girls schools were blown. As a result my younger sister and cousins refused to attend their schools and dropout ratio increased. Moreover, the Army has established a large number of check posts on the main roads and they check every car and person and it takes sometimes hours to come out of this process. The behaviour of the local police on these posts is humiliating and people are not treated with respect.
Every year we anxiously wait for the monsoon season to come and beat the severe heat of the summer. The lovely rain blossoms the trees and lightens up the atmosphere. The weather presents a romantic look for at least two months. But all of a sudden, the 2010 monsoon became a wrath of God and brought sadness all around. The flood caused unprecedented damage in the history of Pakistan. Only in Dir Lower 206498 people were affected. The houses were shattered, bridges collapsed and roads were broken into pieces. The means of communication were all destroyed. People left their houses and fled to higher altitudes to become safe from the killing water. One to another, we got caught into problems , where there was no way out. Our house is situated just a five minutes walk away from River Panjkora (River of five streams). From top to bottom every thing was under water. The river was roaring like an angry lion washing away everything coming in its way. The river washed all the agriculture land of our area and the gardens of Malta which was the sole source of income of the poor people. I and my family spent two nights without sleeping for a moment and praying to God and waiting for the rain to stop. After two days of perpetual rain it stopped and the water level started lowering down and we had a narrow escape. As the bridges had collapsed, the people installed chair lifts in order to cross the river. I still remember the day when my younger brother waited for 3 hours to take his turn and cross the river in order to reach his job interview. The food supplies reduced and the prices increased. We had to take a long route to reach the city in order to buy the daily commodities of life.
The wealth of world known academic researchers attract me most to study MSc Economics and Finance for Development at University of Bradford. Bradford University is an international centre for research and education with a time-honored history. The programs offered by University are recognized and respected throughout the world and will provide me with the experience, knowledge and skills that I need to further enhance my career. The program's pedagogy encourages students to think critically about their work. Bradford's Economics course will allow me to create a professional portfolio of work that can be showcased to future employers and gain a broad overview of economic development. In addition, I seek further education in order to refine and improve my level of knowledge and skills. This degree will enable me to contribute to my country and its future.
When I was a kid, I dreamed of studying abroad. As I grew, my dream had a vision; I wanted to become a Social worker with an international exposure. Until to date, I lived my dream and as a result I left no stone unturned in order to maintain high scores that would enable me to be eligible for a scholarship for further studies. Why I aim for a scholarship? It is because my family cannot support me fully for a higher education for very valid reasons.
Professionally, I have worked for development organizations since last two years in different environments and capacities. These experiences have helped me to be a multi-skilled social worker. Now since I know where exactly my passion lies and I have decided to work for the develpoment and relief of marginalized communities in Pakistan. This scholarship will give me an opportunity to actively contributie to the sector, the organization and the nation. This is my dream and I hope to see my dream come true.
Hello Broken Angel,
Here's my suggestion.
This is another great scholarship essay! I don't feel there's any grammartical error. However, does the essay indicate the number of words limitation? Make sure you don't exceed that.
You narrated the story vividly and went deep in detail, but I did feel you put the weight on the situation in your country too much. Try to explain and elaborate more on "Why do you want to come to Bradford to study and how will this scholarship help you achieve your goals?" That is an equally important part of the question.
Hope this help!
