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"to have a career that I enjoy doing" - What is your biggest personal concern?



ryin2010 2 / 2  
Jan 28, 2010   #1
A personal concern of mine is my future goal and the life I hope to have as an adult. The future goal that I hope to accomplish is to be able to live the life that I have always wanted. Most people's future goal is to be successful in a career or to live a long and healthy life. To me, job success and a long life may or may not be the fruits of my future goal. Though I want to be successful, I ultimately want to have a career that I enjoy doing. A lot of people today do not enjoy the job or career they have. I do not want to end up like those people. I want to have a career that does not just make a lot of money, or has a lot of benefits, but I want a career that I love and never regret having.

Why is this so important to me? The reason why my future goal is important is because of my interest in living a life with no regrets. Life cannot always be perfect, but we can always do our best to shape it through the decisions that we make. As people live their lives, they regret some of the decisions that they make, and end up doing things that they least expect from their life. For example, my big brother Karuna, when he was in high school, he decided to do things that were not good for him. As a result, it ruined his life. Since he did horribly in high school, he had to decide what to do with life. Limited to his choices, he decided to join the Air Force. Karuna never thought he will end up joining the Air Force, but now he is working hard so he can live an unregretful life. I wish to live a life with no regrets.

This future goal motivates me everyday to work hard in school, and in life. I don't want to take the easy way out of school. I want to experience challenges in my life, so when I overcome those challenges, I know I have gained a lot from it. If someone goes through school or life and they have faced no challenges, what have they gained from having such an easy lifestyle? When a person faces challenges, they may fall down, but when they get back up, they try their best to overcome those challenges. When that person overcomes that challenge, it shows that they are stronger, and may grow tougher than before.

To conclude this essay, my main goal in life is to live the life that I hope to shape through making wise decisions throughout my schooling and in life. Being successful in a career may be a part of that goal. To achieve a relatively "perfect" life, I have to be smart, decisive, and very determined. I have to remember that every decision I make today will affect me in the future. Those decisions can either make me become a horrible person, and lead me astray or lead me to the more productive path. I know that to achieve a relatively easy life, I have to face challenges. Those challenges will help me become a more stronger and better person than before.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 29, 2010   #2
I think your first two sentences are too simple. Maybe you can cut them and make this your first sentence:
A personal concern of mine is my future goal and the life I hope to have as an adult. The future goal that I hope to accomplish is to be able to live the life that I have always wanted. Most people's future goal is to be...

I think that is a more interesting way to start.

The reason why my future goal is important is because of my interest in living a life with no regrets. ----- actually, you already said this at the end of the first paragraph, so maybe you should not say it again here.

Do this:
Why is this so important to me? The reason why my future goal is important is because of my interest in living a life with no regrets. Life cannot always be perfect, but we can always do our best to shape...

Ahh, see how much more interesting it becomes when we shave off the weak sentences. :-)

To conclude this essay, my main goal in life is to live the life that I hope to requires me to shape my futu re through making wise decisions throughout my schooling and in life.

Those challenges will help me become a more stronger and better person than before.


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