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"Be the Change You Want to See" High School Travel Abroad Scholarship



c_lignelli 5 / 10  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
The prompt is: "There is a saying, 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' What is the change that you want to see?"

You don't have to read any headlines to find intolerance. Racism, hatred, and fear, are not running rampant in the world because of large groups like the KKK, rather it festers in communities, in homes, schools, and churches. The saying, "Be the change you wish to see in the world," has always struck a personal chord with me. Too often in my day-to-day life, I hear those dearest to me express fear for anyone different from them. My grandparents will not visit the gas station around the corner, because they can't understand the accent of the Indian man who manages it. My physics teacher professes almost everyday, "If you don't speak English, you don't deserve rights from Uncle Sam." I would venture to guess that anyone could reflect on the people in their lives and find countless examples of lack of understanding of another group of people, as well.

I have taken this mantra to heart in many ways, but I have yet, in my personal tribulations, to find an effective way to embody tolerance in a way that registers with others. In other aspects, it is easy to live Ghandi's words and make a difference. For example, I empathize with children who come from low-income families, so I volunteer for Toys-For-Tots. However, when it comes to delivering a message of understanding and unity, I haven't yet devised a way to communicate the message to my family and peers. Whenever someone gives me the chance, I try to be the voice of reason amidst their fear, but that usually just makes me appear argumentative, which certainly is not the goal. I have participated in interscholastic debates in which I've tried to profess the concept that all men are created equal, however, polls from the audiences show that that method, too, tends to fall flat.

On a much smaller scale, an American high school can be a metaphor for various religious groups and races and how they disagree and clash. As girls and boys grow into young men and women, they grow into themselves, and as a result, grow apart and grow to argue with one another. As these adolescent years pass, I can't help but wonder how different the lives of all my peers could be if we could all learn to respect one another. If the cheerleaders, for example, were not worried about whether or not the volleyball team is more popular than them, imagine all the good that could come of the refocused energy. The same is true on a global scale. If every person could find a way to accept those who are different form them, and the world came to peace, what greatness could the people of the world achieve?

I haven't yet found a way to prove to others what I have come to know: that tolerance and understanding are the only path to peace. However, maybe if I am given the opportunity to travel abroad, maybe if I am given the opportunity to represent my country in a foreign place, I will learn new things about not only other cultures, but also about myself. I hope that I can use this scholarship as a tool to show those around me that what seems different is more similar than they may have thought. I hope that with the chance to live abroad, I will be better equipped to be the change I want to see in the world.

sogoldman 6 / 21  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
You don't have to read any headlines to find intolerance. Racism, hatred, and fear,There should not be a comma here are not running rampant in the world because of large groups like the KKK,This should be a semicolon rather itWhat is the antecedent here? Are you saying that racism festers? The subjects of the first clause were "Racism, hatred, and fear." Therefore, you must either use the plural "they" or make a new subject by saying explicitly that racism festers or hatred festers. festers in communities, in homes, schools, and churchesYou must maintain parallel structure. Therefore, you must either write in communities, homes, schools, etc. or in communities, in homes, in schools, and in churches. Choose one and stick with it . The saying, "Be the change you wish to see in the world," has always struck a personal chord with me. Too often in my day-to-day life, I hear those dearest to me express fear forShould this be "of"? They don't fear FOR them. They are afraid OF them. anyone different from them. My grandparents will not visit the gas station around the corner, because they can't understand the accent of the Indian man who manages it. My physics teacher professes almost everyday, "If you don't speak English, you don't deserve rights from Uncle Sam." I would venture to guess that anyone could reflect on the people in their lives and find countless examples of lack of understanding of another group of people, as well.This sentence is awkward and wordy.

I have taken this mantra to heart in many ways, but I have yet, in my personal tribulations, to find an effective way to embody tolerance in a way that registers with others. In other aspects, it is easy to live Ghandi's words and make a difference. For example, I empathize with children who come from low-income families, so I volunteer for Toys-For-Tots. However, when it comes to delivering a message of understanding and unity, I haven't yet devised a way to communicate the message to my family and peers. Whenever someone gives me the chance, I try to be the voice of reason amidst their fear, but that usually just makes me appear argumentative, which certainly is not the goal. I have participated in interscholastic debates in which I've tried to profess the concept that all men are created equal, however, polls from the audiences show that that method, too, tends to fall flat.

On a much smaller scale, an American high school can be a metaphor for various religious groups and races and how they disagree and clash. As girls and boys grow into young men and women, they grow into themselvesThis sounds kind of off. I would prefer, "they establish their individual identities." , and as a result, grow apart and grow to argue with one another.I see what you're doing with all the growing, but I don't see the point. Yes, they're growing, but why do you need to emphasize that? It strikes me as a little cheesy. As these adolescent years pass, I can't help but wonder how different the lives of all my peers could be if we could all learn to respect one another. If the cheerleaders, for example, were not worried about whether or not the volleyball team is more popular than them, imagine all the good that could come of the refocused energy. The same is true on a global scale. If every person could find a way to accept those who are different form them, and the world came to peace, what greatness could the people of the world achieve?

I haven't yet found a way to prove to others what I have come to know: that tolerance and understanding are the only path to peace. However, maybe if I am given the opportunity to travel abroad, maybe if I am given the opportunity to represent my country in a foreign place, I will learn new things about not only other cultures, but also about myself. I hope that I can use this scholarship as a tool to show those around me that what seems different is more similar than they may have thought. I hope that with the chance to live abroad, I will be better equipped to be the change I want to see in the world.


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