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[CHEVENING ESSAY] - Drives Community Transformation Through Leaderships and Influencing skills

afriawan33 3 / 5 2  
Oct 13, 2017   #1
Hi Fellas, please help me to fix some error occur on my essay below. This essay is about Leadership and Influencing Skills, your help is greatly appreciated.

leading future leaders

In early 2016, when I got along with the tourism ambassador association of Tangerang city initiated the Tangerang International Folklore Festival (TIFF). The aim of this event was not only to introduce the culture but also to build a young generation awareness about preserved both the tangible and intangible cultures. Aside from that, we tried to rebrand the image of Tangerang city as a livable, investable, and visit-able city from the old image which was an industrial city with two classic problems such as the polluted and populous city.

During the period of setting up the project, as a chief of the steering committee, I led a team of young future leaders who were highly dedicated in the association, where I was determined to manage the team in order to drive a transformation. Therefore, we conducted extensive field research on all possibilities, related to programmes that we will highlight in order to attain our target, which was rebranded the image. Furthermore, to avoid and resolve any internal technical issues, I constructed team vision on how crucial of teamwork in problem-solving then we will have a better cohesive group.

Luckily, we had succeeded to convince the city mayor to run on this event, and I could proudly pronounce that our event was a great success to attract the international delegates from seven countries with almost had no obstacles. In addition, we also succeeded to present an original tourism attraction that showed the new face of Tangerang city. Even though we succeeded, it wasn't mean that we didn't face any constraints at that time. Basically, we have been trying to hold this event since 2012, in the same year where I got a title as Tourism Ambassador and Cultural Spokesperson of Tangerang City and Banten Province. Unfortunately, the former city mayor simply had not the same vision about the future tourism development that suitable with the character of Tangerang city. In 2013 the city mayor has been replaced, we tried again, but the strategy was a bit different now, we presented our achievements on each year regarding the city development based on business and tourism community.

Every year we had one big social project, but the food court for "Laksa Noodle" was the only project that attracted the city mayor's attention in 2015. This food court was designated for an authentic traditional rice noodle, which was almost extinct. The aim of this project was to preserve one of the tangible cultures and at the same time could give a positive impact on the culinary tourism development and the community itself. We started to gather the seller, gave them a training on hygiene issue and brought them to the next level of street food tourism. With this experience, I am willing to create further contribution towards the growth of community-based in the business context and indirectly will affect the tourism sector, which the results will always present tremendous positive effects on the community.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Oct 13, 2017   #2
Dicky, tell this story in a chronological order. Start from the beginning when you were first assigned as an ambassador for your province. Describe that failure in leadership on your part. That means, stop using the term "we" because this essay does not need to be all inclusive, keep the focus on you so say "I, myself, me" whenever possible. The focus of the essay is not on the team work but rather your work as a leader and your ability to lead and inspire your subordinates. Don't present the Laksa Noodle project anymore. that is too late in the story and does not have enough space to help create an even better impression of yourself as leader and influencer. It would be best if you just focus on the development of your leadership and influencing skill based upon the tourism promotion project. I am wondering though, did you perform this in a professional capacity as in, this was part of your job, or was this just a social undertaking on your part that just happened to have leadership and influencing portions in the fulfillment of your duties? Regardless, the essay will be good and strong if you focus only on that portion and nothing more.

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