problem solver
Challenge is not a word unfamiliar to me. What I know is finding solutions and overcoming challenges in life. Moreover, challenge is an important factor in leading others. From beginning of high school I faced different obstacles, but my reaction was only through problem solving. For example, during school I failed repeatedly in math. I did not give up I researched and solved the challenge, the result was not only improvement of my analytical skills, but also a book for other, "Fundamentals of Arithmetic, Probability and Statistics" a book for easy understanding and improvement of analytical skills of students who want to study Engineering, Economics.
I have leadership skills that can influence people in society for instance; when I was still student in engineering faculty I was helping high school students to improve their abilities and comprehension of the several feelings in order to improve their comprehension about the choices. Moreover, to be more prepared to take Kankor exam and direct them to choose their future field of interest and become future leaders. I held experimental Kankor exam and training for tens of students in Ghor province and helped them to choose their future field of study.
In addition while I was graduated and working as Monitoring and Maintenance Engineer in Ghor Urban Development and housing Directorate, I participated in a hard competitive race among youth invertors, writers and actors to select as member of Afghanistan Elite Youths Council in Kabul city. I selected as Ghor elite youth and member of Afghanistan Elite Youths Council where I will meet and share my experiences with all elite youths from all Afghanistan provinces.
Finally, my recent leadership and influence activity is about protesting for a monument. I was leader of a group of youths, monuments activists, and leaders of many associations and councils in Ghor province. My responsibility was to lead all members of the group to protest for Jam minaret, the oldest brick constructed minaret in the world which is constructed 830 years ago in Shahrak district, Ghor province. The minaret is one of UNSO monuments in the world. But unfortunately the minaret is under threat of collapse because of erosions in its frame and base. Moreover, UNSCO has warned government of Afghanistan in order to reconstruct stabilizes the minaret otherwise they will eliminate the minaret from world's monuments list. I lead the group as good as possible to prevent threats on Jam minaret by protesting in Ghor and reaching the problem to government of Afghanistan and United Nations.
Hi, here are some corrections that might be helping you:
1. Since this is the essay that you use to apply for a scholarship, it will be better if you write in more formal sentences.
2. ---> Challenge is not the unfamiliar word for me
3. What I know is finding ... ---> I understand that in life I have to always find solutions to overcome the challenges
4. Moreover, challenge is ... ---> Moreover, I believe the challenge is the important factor to lead others
5. From beginning of high ... ---> Since I was in high school I faced many different obstacles, but I realized that I have to solve the problem.
6. For example, during ... ---> For example, I failed repeatedly in mathematics.
I think you should not do the repetition of "school" since you already mention it in the previous sentence.
7. I did not give up I ... ---> To overcome my weakness in this subject I run research and focus to solve the problem without even thinking to give up.
8. the result was not only improvement ...
--->
- It's actually a little bit confusing when you write ".....my analytical skills, but also a book for other....." because, in the way you write it, it has two different subjects, yet you didn't mention the second one. People will not understand, do you write the book? If you write it, then you have to mention it. Or you can change the subject to be the same like what I do in the following sentence.
- My effort to understand mathematics was paying off because I already improve my analytical skills and I also share my knowledge in books that I write for helping others who encountered similar problems with me when dealing with this subject.
- The book is titled "Fundamentals of Arithmetic, Probability, and Statistics" which is a book for easy understanding and improvement of analytical skills of students who want to study Engineering and Economics.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Mohammad, the Chevening leadership and influencing essay is highly specific to your profession. That is because you are supposed to show that you are an emerging leader and influencer in your country. That cannot be established by these information that you presented. The first part is related only to academics and and competitions that do not directly relate to your profession. You must indicate leadership experience in relation to project management or team management. That way, your influencing ability is also immediately connected and sometimes, evident without having to go into details about it. As I read your essay, I decided that it was a very good essay, if you are applying for a college sponsorship because of the leadership elements you indicated. There is nothing in the essay that tells me you will be an effective leader in your country based upon your activities. I am specially concerned about the protest that you led because Chevening is not political by nature. It is more of a unifying force than a protesting one. That is why I must insist that you remove that reference in your revised version. Remember, change the essay to cover your profession related leadership and influencing skills. This current essay doesn't really provide a strong image of your possible leadership as a head of an organization or the country itself. Telling the reviewer you are a protester by nature may not be helpful to your application either.
Hi all
thanks for reviewing my essay and your suggestions
I will urgently revise it and post it again.
