Please give your positive feedback on my essay below. Thanks in advance!
imbws
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I believe that building strong professional relationship is a substantial element in achieving success and communication skill is the foundation to build positive networking. I also believe that a positive networking should be built by focusing on how I can benefit for others and not in contrary. By doing so, people can build high-trust relationships that can last forever.
I gained many experiences on how to build and maintain relationships when I was elected as an exchange student in Kumamoto University, Japan in 2010. Representing my home university, I spent an amazing full year to introduce Indonesian cultures as well as to learn Japanese cultures and language. I actively interacted and built friendship with other foreign students from all countries, ranging from Japan and Korea to UK and US. Furthermore, I also established strong bonding with professors and university staffs by initiating biweekly meeting to discuss any subjects related to my study. The intense connection obviously advantaged me a lot as I was allowed to attend engineering classes and seminars taught by my professors. Moreover, a professor gave me an opportunity to be a researcher in his laboratory and assigned me a project which later became my bachelor thesis. I believe that my communication and networking skill during my study in Kumamoto University has benefited me in many ways to pursue my professional career. Not only I had the chance to study Japanese cultures and advance technology, but I also contributed to the university educational improvement through my research. That is how a positive networking should work; that is by providing mutual benefits for both parties.
Building and maintaining good relationships with all stakeholders during my professional career in Pertamina is extremely essential. On daily basis, I connect with multi-discipline parties ranging from Engineering to Commercials in planning, execution, and monitoring stages. By implementing effective communication and networking, I can ensure the works are performed ethically based on company business process and miss-understanding can be minimized.
To improve my professional networks and relationships in oil and gas industry, I actively involve in many seminars and conferences both in internal and external Pertamina. In May 2017, I represented my team during the 41st Indonesian Petroleum Association (IPA) Annual Convention and Exhibition as a speaker and presenting an alternative option to repair and strengthen the damaged offshore platform members without hot work activities. The presentation went well and the participants were very interested in implementing the innovation in their company. I gained new contacts and connections during the event, particularly during the question and answer session where participants asked me regarding the innovation and whether it was applicable on their sites. We also contacted several times after the event to discuss cases they were facing on their facilities.
I believe that my strong communication and networking skill matches the Chevening criteria. Becoming a Chevening Awardee will give me opportunity to expand my networks with leaders and experts from various educational backgrounds and professions. If I am awarded Chevening scholarship, I will actively participate in the Chevening events and engage with the community during and after the award.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Bayu, please stop defining your understanding of terms and referencing your college education at this point in your application. You are applying for a masters degree scholarship. As a masters degree student, you are expected to have at least 5 years worth of professional experience in various fields related to your current profession that will showcase your professionalism and ability to perform during stressful situations in a professional, uncontrolled setting.
You are truly limiting your chances to showcase your professional skills when you focus so much on your academic successes, which do not have any weight in terms of consideration when you are applying for an international scholarship that is looking for future leaders in the field. The focus of the scholarship is professional not academic networking. If you keep focusing on your academic successes then you better find another scholarship to apply for. I am telling you, you will not make it past the first round of considerations at this point and not with this essay. I have to be blunt because you are not listening to me. This essay will get you nowhere near being considered for the scholarship.
Focus on Pertamina. specifically, the May 2017 conference. What you have to do is explain how you used the network you created during this seminar in your current profession. Based on your job description, duties and responsibilities, plus task assignments, when did you have a chance to actually use the contacts you made at the IPA? Networking in this essay means showing how your contacts helped you accomplish your tasks and how you helped other in exchange. Take this essay seriously because this is one of the most important essays that Chevening asks an applicant to write.
This essay will help the committee assess whether or not you have the kind of networking skills and channels that can help to improve the useful contacts that Chevening students are expected to share with one another. The idea is to present your network in such a manner that indicates why this is important and how its addition to the Chevening roster, through your addition as a scholarship student, will heighten the prestige and usability of the Chevening network. That is why you are asked to present an explanation as to why and how Chevening can benefit from this network at the end of the essay. At this point, you have not accomplished any of the important requirements that the committee members will be considering as they review your application.
