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Scholarship essay: why I'm choosing APU for my further educational needs



asiparahm 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2015   #1
1. Please write the reason(s) why you wish to attend APU and how you intend to approach your studies within your choice of college (APM/APS).

here's my answer:

APU is located in Japan, a country renowned for incredible work ethics, rich culture, and knowledge. The reasons why i wish to attend APU are: 1. For my future, 2. I can expand my experiences, 3. Because i was longing for it. So, i would like to explain my three wishes.

The first reason: i was born from a middle-to-low family. My mother is a housewife. You could say that i wanted to attend APU is because 95% of acceptance employment in many famous company (based on many article i saw on internet). So then, im willing hard to get a successful life for giving my mother a better life. As a developed country, Japan provides high quality education which is essential to survive in the dynamic and ever-changing world. Studying at APU will also give me a chance to make my way into the international community. In my opinion, good academic skills must also be supported by the ability to built networking and socializing. So, I hope by making new connections and friends and sharing ideas with people from various backgrounds, I will get the needed valuable lessons to solve problems or obstacles that may come later, whether in pursuing my education or even in the future stage of life. I believe that whatever experiences I get from APU will either give big contribution to my career and knowledge expanding, or build my personality to be a better person.

The second reason: i want to expand my experiences about studying another culture in it country,living overseas,meet and having a new friends from another country which is a good chance to improve my skills in languages and learn about another culture beside from japanese's and my country's (Indonesia). I probably will be not getting this one of a kind opportunity where I can participate in international community on a daily basis if I choose to continue my education in Indonesia. With many activities offered by the university, especially about volunteerism and intercultural exchange, I will be able to fulfill my passion about learning different cultures and to be involved in engaging the community. I also got a very big intention to learn Japanese, studying at APU that is located in Japan will give me more chance to deepen my lesson about japanese culture and practice my Japanese. By continuing my study at APU and my intention to learn languages I hope and believe that I will not only be able to speak Indonesian and English, but also Japanese and any other languages.

The third reason: is because it's been my dream from i was about 6 years old to go and live in japan.
Im choosing APS because i want to learn more about sociality. We can see,people nowadays has lack of empathy one to another. For examples,like a small countries such as ethiopia,kenya,somalia,etc. Has their educational needs has been fulfilled? Has their daily needs like feed and water,etc has been fulfilled too? Well,we shall look up upon them. I dont know if the world has lost empathy to them or they were the one who dont need their empathy trying to stand by themselves. Although I am now majoring in natural science in high school, but in Indonesia, when we attend 10-grades, we still held a mixed subjects. So for social basic, i'm already have it and i hope i can improve my social learning if i got passed to APS.

APU provides everything that I need for my social study, cultural experiences, career development and many more. And I believe that my college experience here will be contributing significantly to my education, career, and my social life.

(609 words)

Please help me correct this essay and make this essay looks much more interesting. I'll appreciate any of your answer(s) and thank you! :)

huzefaa 2 / 18  
Jan 10, 2015   #2
Few grammatical errors need to be corrected
Content is very nice ! but if you couldnt state them as reasons and bullet points (like in first para) and just explain your reasons in different paras without bullet points it would look much better

kudos!
maximu5 4 / 11  
Jan 10, 2015   #3
I think your 3rd reason should needs to be revised, as it just not blends and is too vague, for me , but well thats only my opinion :P , good luck. ^_^
GaziF 2 / 4  
Jan 10, 2015   #4
The first reason: i was born from a middle-to-low family. My mother is a housewife. You could say that i wanted to attend APU is because 95% of acceptance employment in many famous company (based on many article i saw on internet).

The first reason: I was born in a lower-middle class family and my mother is a housewife. One could suppose that my intention to attend APU stems from the fact that 95% of the graduates find employment in many famous companies (based on the numerous articles I have seen on the Internet).

The second reason: i want to expand my experiences about studying another culture in it country,living overseas,meet and having a new friends from another country which is a good chance to improve my skills in languages and learn about another culture beside from japanese's and my country's (Indonesia).

The second reason: I want to expand my experience living in another country and studying its culture, meeting and having new friends from another countries, which is a good chance to improve my language skills and learn about another culture besides Japanese and my motherland.


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