Why did you chose your proposed study (Mathematics) and institution (UNSW)? AAS Essay

I am applying to AAS and need to give supporting statements. This is the first essay question I need to answer. Please kindly review my essay. Is my essay on point or still lack of something? Thanks in advance!

university and study program choice

I am applying to a master's program in Mathematics. I enjoy abstracting concepts and working on mathematics problems. My bachelor's degree in Mathematics let me explore a specialty in pure mathematics. And I wanted to learn more. Then this program will enhance my knowledge and skill by studying new ideas and trying my hand at academic research.

In my second year, I realized that I am interested in Algebra. This interest then develops into a passion. I took every possible algebra subject that I could take, such as Algebraic Structure, Introduction to Module Theory, and Topics in Algebra. Algebra strengthens our logical and critical thinking skills. Further, I worked on module theory as my undergraduate thesis topic. I presented my research entitled "The Properties of R-n Module over Matrix Ring Mnxn(R)" in SICoMAS (Soedirman's International Conference of Mathematics and Applied Science) 2021 and won Best Presenter. I am currently working on publishing the paper.

Australia has become my country's destination to study because Australia has the best courses and researchers in mathematics. My first preference is the Master of Mathematics at the University of New South Wales (UNSW). This program topped the list in The Australian's Research Magazine in 2021 for Algebra. Also, they have 7+ professors specialising in Algebra and offer subjects not available in domestics universities-namely Galois Theory, Algebraic Geometry, and Banach and Operator Algebras. Moreover, their strong bonds with alumni will allow me to build my personal and professional networking.

My second preference is the Master of Science (Mathematics and Statistics) at the University of Melbourne. They offer Lie Algebra as their elective subject and have 9+ professors specialising in Algebraic Geometry. They also enable students to take subjects from the AMSI Summer School. They even give a conditional offer for Ph.D. for those with an entry score of 80 per cent or above. In conclusion, studying in Australia will provide me with a bigger space to explore my specialty.

The presentation is over the maximum word count by 85 words. The writer will need to edit the content in order to keep it under or, exactly at the character requirement. He cannot submit it without editing as the online text box may reject the application once it is pasted in. He may not have time to edit it at that point. Pre-editing is beneficial in such cases.

The applicant must ensure that he includes a professional instead of college based reference for the interest in the chosen courses. The scholarship gives higher consideration to those who have professional experience in the related fields.

The reasons for choosing the universities are weak. These explanations sound more like they were taken directly from student vlogs on the internet. They do not show a true academic reason for choosing the courses and universities. The reasons for choosing either are actually template and will not help the applicant at all. This is actually a losing application essy. There is nothing substantial for the reviewers to consider in terms of student qualification and reasoning in this case.