Write a one-page essay on your college and career goals and rationale for TCBSBM choosing you to receive this scholarship.
The future begins with today. In my future, I see myself working as a pediatrician. Through volunteering at my church's nursery, I have grown to love caring for kids and am certain that it is what I want to continue to do. I have already successfully completed the initial steps to reaching this goal by excelling among my classmates in high school. The next, and probably most important step, is for me to attend college.
Up until this point, I have been able to complete the steps towards my goal through hard work and dedication. My next step, however, requires additional input: money. Coming from a single parent, low income household, the money required to complete my next step could act as a hindrance. I wish to attain the best learning environment and be pushed in an advanced college and do not want to have to settle for financial reasons. This scholarship would help relieve some of the burden of student loans and allow me to spend less time working at a job and more time working on school work which will provide me with the knowledge I need to become a successful doctor.
I would make the most out of the resources others generously provide for me and pay it forward in the future by contributing to society as a doctor. I have always used my resources wisely. Even without sat tutors or extra help I have able to excel above my peers. Education is not something I take for granted. I make the best use of my resources to get to wherever I need to be.
In orchestra, for example, I was able to excel without private lessons and become our school's concert master. The founder of the orchestra program in my district was so impressed by this that she began sponsoring my private lessons. She told me that that because I was able to excel with the few recourses I had, there was no telling how much more I could excel if I was given more resources. I appreciate what she has done for me and make the most out of the opportunity she has allowed for me and have grown as a violinist. I hope the TCBSBM scholarship will provide me with the same sort of opportunity academically which I will also treat with appreciation and desire to make those who see my potential and wish to help me grow proud.
Olu, this is a good start. It at least gives your scholarship essay a direction with which to flow in. However, the way that you discussed the facts of your situation were not really well thought out nor impressively presented. Your ideas are all over the place, and does not really reflect the one reason why you should receive this grant. Most importantly, you should not blatantly discuss the money aspect of this essay because that is already a given. All of the scholarship applicants need the money to sponsor their college education needs. It is my opinion that you should instead, revise the essay to contain more important qualifiers in your essay.
In the introduction, consider discussing how your desire to help in the medical field developed. Direct the discussion towards your eventual decision to attend medical school for the benefit of (insert here). The first two paragraphs should clearly explain why you want to pursue this line of study and what your immediate short term plans are. The long term goals can be discussed as a separate paragraph as well since it still provides information demanded by the prompt. Right now, you say that you want to be a pediatrician, good. That responds to the college and career goals. Then you mention that the first step is going to college. Wrong answer. That is already a given. Explain about your academic goals, such as going to college at Harvard Medical School for your internship or something like that. it is not about simply wanting to attend college. Present your goals and ambitions in life. That is what might set you apart from the other applicants.
It would be to your benefit if you can mention any savings that you have which you plan to use for your education, and any savings that your parents have which they plan to use to help you get into college with. Mention how you have a job or jobs that you hope can help offset your expenses. Then at the end of the essay, that even with all of these available to help you with college, you are hoping to fill in the budget deficit with the "help" of this scholarship.
My college goal is to enter the BioSciences department of the Wiess School of Natural Sciences at Rice University and, during my first year, conduct at least two research projects at the Texas Medical Center nearby. My desire to go into the medical field developed from the volunteer work I have done with my church's child care program. Each time a baby cries, it becomes my mission to find the source of his troubles and fix it, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do. I have grown to love caring for kids and am certain that it is what I want to continue to do by working as a pediatrician. As a pediatrician, I will have the opportunity to find solutions to the more serious problems faced by children, and by studying biology and conducting undergraduate research in college, I will quickly earn the skills needed to do so.
I should be considered for this scholarship because I have proven to have good grades, I am determined to reach my goals, and will pay the deed forward by contributing to society as a doctor. I see a future where I use the knowledge I gain to a dramatic difference on the lives of children around me, and this scholarship brings me one step closer to accomplishing this goal. I plan to get a job this summer in order to help pay for tuition, and my mom will also attempt to contribute as much as she can. However, her salary is low, and a summer job simply cannot cover the total expense of college. Therefore, I am hoping that this scholarship will help to fill the budget deficit, and give me just what I need to continue on the track to accomplishing my goals.
The information you now have is acceptable. However, it is not formatted properly. There is a need for you to divide the paragraphs into more coherent sections. You will find that your discussions at this point are a bit too short and can use some expansion in order to better suit your discussion.
Here is an outline of how you should divide your paragraphs in order to make the essay look longer, become more informative, and offer the reviewer an easier opportunity to read what you have to say in support of your scholarship request:
My college goal is to enter the BioSciences department ...
- Expand on your plan to conduct research projects
My desire to go into the medical field developed from the volunteer work I have done with my church's child care program... working as a pediatrician.
As a pediatrician... I will quickly earn the skills needed to do so.
-Offer examples of the solutions you hope to help develop that will also help to enhance your research and doctor skills.
I should be considered for this scholarship because I have proven to have good grades...
- This is not enough of a reason. All of the applicants have good grades. What makes you a stand out applicant? Any awards? Accolades? Published work?
I see a future where I use the knowledge...accomplishing my goals.
The future begins with now, and I have set many goals to ensure a successful future. My college goal is to enter the BioSciences department of the Wiess School of Natural Sciences at Rice University and, during my first year, conduct at least two research projects at the Texas Medical Center nearby. These research projects interest me because they would provide me with firsthand experience in the medical world. Conducting research at the world's largest medical center would greatly enrich my college experience by helping me to develop my problem solving skills early while exposing me to a wide variety of sectors in the medical field.
My desire to go into the medical field developed from the volunteer work I have done with my church's child care program. I started volunteering because I loved teaching kids, but when I started working in the nursery department, I did not expect to love caring for them even more. Each time a baby cries, it becomes my mission to find the source of his troubles and fix it. One of the most rewarding feelings is to see that a toddler is happy to see me again the next week, not because of anything I was able to teach them about God, but simply because of the care I showed them. I am rewarded by helping the children find solutions to their day to day problems and want to find solutions to the more serious problems they face. Their skin rashes, as I have come to learn, sometimes indicate a deeper health issue. My hope is to treat this problem and others like it in the future by working as a pediatrician. The passion I have developed for caring for children has made me certain that it is something I want to continue to pursue in the future.
I should be considered for this scholarship because I am a student who goes above and beyond and I am determined to reach my goals. I am different from others because I am willing to do anything to be the best at whatever I do. What I may lack in innate ability, I make up through hard work. By being willing to stay up all night to finish a project or taking the extra initiative to spend hours after school with my teacher to discuss concepts I may be having difficulty with, I have gone from an average B student to an A honor roll student who has gradually worked her way to the top of her class. This dedication to be the best has applied to all aspects of my life. In orchestra, for example, I initially struggled to match the musical ability of my peers. However, through hard work, daily practicing, and a strong desire to be the best, I have worked my way up to the leading position of concert master in my school's top orchestra and have received many awards. I know that success in life comes from the hard work I am willing to put in, and the work ethic that I have developed early will follow me as a hardworking student in college and as a hardworking doctor who can make many contributions in real world.
I see a future where I use the knowledge I gain to make a dramatic difference on the lives of children around me, and this scholarship brings me one step closer to accomplishing this goal. I plan to get a job this summer in order to help pay for tuition, and my mom will also attempt to contribute as much as she can. However, her salary is low, and a summer job simply cannot cover the total expense of college. Therefore, I am hoping that this scholarship will help to fill the budget deficit, and give me just what I need to continue on the track to accomplishing my goals.