Can you please give me some feedback of what you think of this essay. What changes should I make? I can only write less than 500 words for this essay.
Prompt:Community service can be a valuable part of the college experience. If you were to devote one year of service to a volunteer project, what would it be and what would you hope to accomplish?
Giving hope, strength and joy; that is the mission of the Make a wish foundation. When I remember of the Make a Wish foundation mission statement I get the encouragement to continue on with my life. I have come to realize that it's more than just granting a wish but it's rather the encouragement that Make a wish gives to children that encourage them to continue living even with life threatening medical conditions. Starting the Make a wish club at my school has been one of my greatest accomplishments. It has not only come to change my perspective of the real world but it has allowed me to become a better person. Knowing the strength that those particular children have come to acquire has encouraged me to have strength in my life as well. The desire they have to continue on living even with their conditions has led me to have the desire to continue helping this organization. Due to that if I were to devote one year to a community service project I would like to help the Make a wish foundation in a sort of way possible.
I started the Make a wish club at Monte Vista beginning my junior year. As I have become more aware of this organization I have come to the realization that I want to continue serving the Make a wish purpose even after high school. With my club I have helped raise awareness of the make a wish purpose amongst my classmates and it makes me happy knowing that most students have come to realize the significance of this organization. When I attend college I would like to start a Make a wish club there as well but I would like to create more awareness of this situation amongst our communities. Pursuing this, I would like to work alongside the Make a wish foundation. Just as their organization helped me initiate my club I would like to help this organization by talking about the organization to other schools and hopefully encourage them to pursue initiating a club as well. As of right now a wish is granted every 40 minutes but the truth is that more than a million kids have to go through living with life threatening conditions. Even though this is a well known organization I feel that sharing the power of a wish can help change the lives of many people. I would like to pursue helping children by helping by raising funds to help grant their wishes but I would also like to help by giving their families far more support because of the situation they have to live in. Having lost hope, these children as well as their parents don't have any other choice than to continue living hoping their children get better. Enriching their lives by granting them a wish is something that I would like to continue to pursue and I know that I will probably accomplish it.
Prompt:Community service can be a valuable part of the college experience. If you were to devote one year of service to a volunteer project, what would it be and what would you hope to accomplish?
Giving hope, strength and joy; that is the mission of the Make a wish foundation. When I remember of the Make a Wish foundation mission statement I get the encouragement to continue on with my life. I have come to realize that it's more than just granting a wish but it's rather the encouragement that Make a wish gives to children that encourage them to continue living even with life threatening medical conditions. Starting the Make a wish club at my school has been one of my greatest accomplishments. It has not only come to change my perspective of the real world but it has allowed me to become a better person. Knowing the strength that those particular children have come to acquire has encouraged me to have strength in my life as well. The desire they have to continue on living even with their conditions has led me to have the desire to continue helping this organization. Due to that if I were to devote one year to a community service project I would like to help the Make a wish foundation in a sort of way possible.
I started the Make a wish club at Monte Vista beginning my junior year. As I have become more aware of this organization I have come to the realization that I want to continue serving the Make a wish purpose even after high school. With my club I have helped raise awareness of the make a wish purpose amongst my classmates and it makes me happy knowing that most students have come to realize the significance of this organization. When I attend college I would like to start a Make a wish club there as well but I would like to create more awareness of this situation amongst our communities. Pursuing this, I would like to work alongside the Make a wish foundation. Just as their organization helped me initiate my club I would like to help this organization by talking about the organization to other schools and hopefully encourage them to pursue initiating a club as well. As of right now a wish is granted every 40 minutes but the truth is that more than a million kids have to go through living with life threatening conditions. Even though this is a well known organization I feel that sharing the power of a wish can help change the lives of many people. I would like to pursue helping children by helping by raising funds to help grant their wishes but I would also like to help by giving their families far more support because of the situation they have to live in. Having lost hope, these children as well as their parents don't have any other choice than to continue living hoping their children get better. Enriching their lives by granting them a wish is something that I would like to continue to pursue and I know that I will probably accomplish it.
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