I am applying for AUstralan scholarship , It would be great if you could give me on my essay. There are three essay as below, please give me on ideas, grammar strcuture and correct my English as well. Essay number 3, I have made two versions of essay, pleae give me which one is better ideas, and also grammar correction on both.
1. Please provide details and evidence of your service to the community. Unpaid service within your field of expertise, or unpaid community service in outside capacities (Maximum 200 words)
I have involved in variety of voluntary community service work. However, there were two striking programs last two years. First program, I have involved in flooding protection program in 2012. In this program, I took an important role which was the team leader of the young people. My main responsibilities were to ensure the tasks have been done properly. Therefore, I supervised the youth in the team and coordinated with other communities' responsible zone. The main tasks were to place sand bags on Mekong river bank to ensure the water will not overflow into the town and communities near by. Another program was the campaign program named Clean Up Vientiane in 2011.The program aimed to raise awareness of the rubbish storage and separation. I played a role as a voluntary group leader. My main duties were to lead the team to the public place educational institutes namely primary and high schools and university in order to run the campaign and distribute rubbish bags to these public places and households as well. Both programs were the short period of time, but I gained a great experience on working with diverse communities and the importance of team leader role.
2. Summarise in words that can be understood by a person outside your own field, what your proposed study, research or professional development is intended to achieve, why you would like to undertake the proposed program, and how it is related to your prior experience and/or future career goals. Please also provide details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork you plan to undertake as part of your proposed program. (Maximum 300 words)
I selected Community Services Work course as my study program. This program aims to provide skills, knowledge and understanding to work in a range of community support programs and services. This course is designed to address the social, behavioural, health, welfare, developmental and protection needs of the community such as family work, education, youth work, alcohol and drug and, employment services. Graduation from this program can work in the community services sector for government, non-profit organisations and private sector with variety of positions such as community, family support and welfare worker, case manager, program coordinator, support facilitator,
Thank for previous and current working experience that have provided me an opportunity to work on community development projects. Variety of positions from these offices, fieldwork research assistant with Institute of Research for Development (IRD) for the project "Urbanization, governance and health disparities " between 2005 and 2006 and Technical and Social Development Officer and Project Manager with non profit organisation called Institute for Renewable Energy, from 2008 to 2011, have allowed me to see an importance of community work in urban and rural area. This gave me opportunity to travel and see the real situation of development work in many places in the county. In my office, I take a role to coordinate with local community on the impact of the projects and help them to find new suitable location out of projects area. However, lacking of academic background in the field of community development work is challenging for me. Therefore, I want to gain academic background from overseas to fill up with a qualification. On the other hand, I believe that this program will fulfil my career goal which I want to work with international development organisations such as UNDP, UNCEF and Aus Aid in particular.
3. The benefits of the proposed Program for the applicant's home and host country.
The program that I proposed, Community Service Work course, is a good program providing a wide range of community services programs and projects. These projects are embedded in every sector and national wide. Therefore, qualified people from this field would be recruited in any sector where confronts human resource shortage. Additionally, the educated people will bring the language skills and academic skills to the country which would assist this country to work strongly with international development partners such as Aus Aid. Moreover, the community service work is one of development field which Australia has strongly committed for long time ago. Therefore, it will increase an Australian leading role at international level in development domain, and reflect on their commitment on development. Finally, it would be a concrete example for other donor counties. I believe that he will be an asset to your program.
3. The benefits of the proposed Program for the applicant's home and host country.
I think this field of study will be very useful for the country like Laos, because the majority of population relies on the development programs. However, my country does not have sufficient people with an academic background in this study field. People from development programs, they might have skills from work experience, but they do not have the academic background. Therefore, this study program would produce skilled staff for the nation. Furthermore, these skilled people could create number of staff through capacity building program and provide benefits for large amount of people.
On the other hand, this study program would also benefit for the host country, Australia. Firstly, it will increase higher profile of Australian education via productive work from educated people from the country. Secondly, Australia is a one of the main donors conducting several programs or projects in this country. Australian organisations would receive benefits from this program in terms of finding qualified local employees and they would assist theses organisations to run projects more effectively.
1. Please provide details and evidence of your service to the community. Unpaid service within your field of expertise, or unpaid community service in outside capacities (Maximum 200 words)
I have been involved with variety of voluntary community service work,including ___________, ___________, and ________ . [List some community service you commonly do.]Notably, I participated in a campaign program called Clean Up Vientiane in 2011. The program aimed to raise awareness about rubbish storage and separation. I volunteered as a group leader. I led my team to primary schools, high schools, universities, and households to campaign and distribute rubbish bags.In 2012, I also had the privilege of being involved with a flooding protection program as a leader of youth ages ____ to ____. . I ensured that the tasks were done properly,supervised the children on my team, and coordinated with other communities' responsible zone . [I don't know what this means.]My team was one of many that placed sandbags on Mekong's riverbank to ensure that water would not overflow into the town and communities nearby . Both programs were short , but I gained a great deal of experience in working with diverse communities and assuming leadership roles .
