Why should you be considered a good candidate for a given fellowship?

Dear All,
I need your support In revising, modifying or adding to my below statement applying for MBA scholarship.

1-Why should you be considered a good candidate for a given fellowship?
You should include your particular qualifications, skills and interest that are relevant to the award (up to a maximum of 200 words).

I'm the best fit for such an opportunity

Fellowship is all about supporting people eager to acquire more knowledge they can't afford, supporting calibers to achieve the extra mile they deserve. I'm someone who works hard every day to get the maximum value of it; time is a value that can't be compensated with money. Every morning I make sure that I added something new to my knowledge, I'm working as a project engineer in Siemens, enhancing my managerial skills, based on my theoretical background as certified PMP & IPM, pursuing RMP certificate. While working in project management I found that I need deep knowledge in contracts management, so I enrolled in contract management program (CLAC) which will enable me to excel more in this area. I'm a persistent caliber who is always working on myself to be better than the one I was yesterday. I'm a multitasking talented engineer working on many things simultaneously. I'm studying for my Masters degree in electrical engineering, RMP certificate, finalized my IPMA certificate and studying for GMAT & CLAC programs, adding to that I'm married with 2 kids. I'm the best fit for such an opportunity which I can make the best out of within a very short time.

Ahmed, there is no need to define what a fellowship is to the reviewer. He already knows that information. The presentation of that makes your essay get a sense of word fillers, which does not really help to move your essay forward. That said, the unnecessary information should be removed in order to bring the focus of the reviewer directly to the proper information that you are presenting after those statements. By the way, there is such a thing as too much information in an essay. The indication of you being married with two kids is not only irrelevant, it is also inapplicable to the prompt you were provided. There was no need to mention your family in that light in the statement. Remove that reference as well. The essay is already strong with just the information you presented, sans the problem points I indicated here. So just present the essay under the word count. It doesn't affect the consideration of your essay if you do not meet the maximum word count. As long as you present more than 150 words, your application will be considered within the required word number.

@Holt
Thank you so much, I removed the 2 parts that you indicated , I got your point.
Don't you think that I need rephrasing or wording to it ? is it ok as it is ?

Thanks in advance.

Yes, I believe that your response works well in the presentation that you decided to use. The reason that the essay works is because you took ownership of the presentation of facts by using the first person pronoun. The information you presented was matter of fact and lent an impressive image of you as a person and student to the reviewer. I would not worry about your tone because you sounded very professional in writing. As for the phrasing, I would not advice you to change anything because this preliminary interview should reflect your actual thought process and possible spoken form of your answers. It is a pretty solid piece of writing and should work well towards supporting your fellowship application. If you are still not confident in what you have written, then try to add information that you think will further help to enhance your statement. Then present it here so that we can help you assess the changes you have made. Otherwise, the essay is set for submission. Good luck !

@Holt
Many thanks for your professional reply and criticism
I'll not modify it any further, I'm working now on the rest 2 questions and i'll post them here for your support.

Many thanks in advance.

@Ahmed_Sanad
Rather stating directly that you are hard working person, say it implicitly.

@utsi
I agree with you, but only if i mentioned that i'm hard worker without evidences, it was just an intro to what proves being a hard worker.

@Holt
This is the final status of my essay:

I'm someone who works hard every day to get the maximum value of it; time is a value that can't be compensated with money. Every morning I make sure that I added something new to my knowledge, I'm working as a project engineer in Siemens, enhancing my managerial skills, based on my theoretical background as certified PMP & IPM, pursuing RMP certificate. While working in project management I found that I need deep knowledge in contracts management, so I enrolled in contract management program (CLAC) which will enable me to excel more in this area. I'm a persistent caliber who is always working on myself to be better than the one I was yesterday. I'm a multitasking talented engineer working on many things simultaneously. I'm studying for my Masters degree in electrical engineering, RMP certificate, finalized my IPMA certificate and studying for GMAT & CLAC programs. I'm the best fit for such an opportunity which I can make the best out of within a very short time.

Do you think it has a good intro ? or the first sentence needs to be rephrased ? as I mentioned that I'm hard worker at the beginning, which may not be preferred from reviewers.

@utsi

Have a look on the final draft please.

Ahmed, if this is the version that you feel most comfortable using with your application. Then go ahead and do so. If I would make a suggestion for the further improvement of your statement, it would be to highlight any academic or work related honors or recognition that you have received. Such accolades will help you create a more solid idea as to why you would be a fitting candidate for the scholarship. Sometimes, the scholarships are not all about just work habits or study traits. It also has to do with proving that you have the ability to accomplish something so impressive, that others can't help but take note of your accomplishments. While your essay is impressive as it is, additional enhancements can be made if it you still have some word count available and if you have the accomplishments to indicate.