DAAD scholarship is giving tremendous encouragement for young people interested in academic degrees

Hi there! My name is Marzhan. Here is my letter from last year, is it ok to apply it second time???. but i modified it a little. please give your advice, and help me correcting my letter!

motivation letter for daad scholarship

My home village Akkum is situated in a mountainside of the South Kazakhstan State, which is the best place for one who wants to get away from it all, walk long the tiny river breathing with fresh air and just relax. There everything is perfect but one thing, there is not possibility of using mobile communication. We only have radiotelephony which even doesn't work properly, and there is no sense of thinking about the Internet. As far as I am convinced, in this flourishing century of technology no one will reject to use the advantages of communications, including my countrymen. However, owing to remote location of the village, which is in fact consists only 5km and lack of technical capability, all telecommunications companies are always refusing to give their service. I am very disappointed of it. There must be one solution at least. Someone has to overcome technical problems of this location but who is going to be one? The only reason made me choose the field of Communications Engineering was exactly this question several years ago, and it makes now. August 12, 2012 was the one of my happiest day, I was informed that I had won the Government Grant for undergraduate degree in Radio Engineering, Electronics and Telecommunications at al-Farabi Kazakh National University. At the time when I left home for my first year of university I had felt myself responsible for convenience and happiness of my family, and promised myself that I would come back standing the most competitive communications engineer and deal with communications problems of my village. From that very moment I become an eager beaver and gave it all to succeed on my decision.

My bachelor studies have broadened the horizons of my knowledge, given me solid theoretical background and showed the reality of telecommunications at the cost of four years. I have absorbed my lessons with passion, especially when it got more directly associated to my major. First we started taking very introductory and basic courses like Physics, Maths, Informatics and courses about Radio engineering and Telecommunications, measuring technics, electric circuits, analogue and digital circuits. And I found them interesting. Later when I took programming-based lessons such as Simulation of Telecommunications Systems in MatLab and LabVIEW, programming the FPGA using Verilog HDL language, I had been satisfied with all courses, gaining programming and computing skills. The most fascinating part of my study was my attendance to courses related to Global Communications Systems. Because it was shifting me towards my goal twofold diminishing my long path. I got basics of telecommunication transmission technologies, channel coding, GPS navigation system, ISO layers, and Wireless Technologies from that section. And it raised my interests in Network Architecture. Additionally, I have had an opportunity to improve my professional language skills in English and Russian, and take some social science classes during my undergraduate years. I excelled all of my courses with 3.85 GPA overall from 4.00.

Apart from my lessons within university, I took part in some extracurricular activities, university conferences in Electronics and Telecommunications. And by the end of my third year I won DESY Summer Student Programme 2015 scholarship, which opened me brand new aspects of electronics, gave me real experience in electronics and computer simulation at DESY the large research centre in Hamburg. There I had an honour to work in the group of Professor Dr Heinz Graafsma, who is well-known scientist among the particle physicists, under supervision of Dr Milija Sarajlic and Dr David Pennicard. I really enjoyed it.

Looking through my university years, I daresay that I began my way in engineering with good start. Now I am keen on exploring the opportunities that are available to me and go after what is more exciting, enduring, developing and promising in communications. With this purpose I am applying to Master's degree programmes in Communications Engineering in Germany. I am very pleased with full module of the degree programme, especially research internship in industry is appealing me mostly. And I am ready to face challenges and difficulties, and emerging technologies in the field of communications and networks, in order to fit requirements of fast developing next-generation network (NGN), the combination of Telecommunication and Network Services. I will not back away to educate myself on any unfamiliar things, if it is necessary, to be able to carry out telecommunication projects independently, which is very important for my intention related with my village.

I am very aware of that German education system and wide range of its research areas have the best offer in the world. I was persuaded of it after my attendance to Summer School at DESY in Hamburg, when I also been delighted with journey through country. As far as I explored about Germany, it is well positioned as an academic hub and its research field has an international focus, and open to academics from abroad. This is exactly what I need, this is my best chance to evolve myself in the way of my career, and for my personal development. In addition, one of my strong wish is to learn German language, and build professional or research association with German Communications Companies in future. In a nutshell, I expect from this programme myself to be qualified and successful communications engineer, who is able to speak German.

Being young graduate I cannot afford myself to pay living costs and tuition fees to study abroad. And that is my good fortune, perhaps, to study at German universities is free of cost. Even so, in order to achieve my ambition, I need a little financial support to let myself dive into my studies without any money troubles. As DAAD scholarship is giving tremendous encouragement for young people interested in academic degrees or researches, I am hoping of it too. The honour of being DAAD scholarship holder is going to be the wind beneath my wings for my further investigations in communications. If I believe, I can achieve. Truly believing in my aspirations, I am looking forward your approval. Thank You.

From that very moment I becomebecame an eager beaver ...
..., and taketook some social ...

Mara, it is never okay to use an old letter for the same application. The reason behind that is simple. Since you are a second time applicant, you must explain some improvements or changes that you have made since the last application. As such, you should not rehash the same information in the new letter. The second letter should be an improvement over the first. Signifying a growth in your motivation, or changes that have occurred in your life since then. It is more than likely that your name will pop up as a second time applicant in the system when you submit your documents. Your old documents will then also come up as part of the consideration process. If you only made slight changes to the old letter, then it will be quite obvious to the reviewer who will then think about whether or not he should consider your application based upon the fact that your situation remains little unchanged. Write a fresh letter. One so far removed from the first one you submitted that the reviewer will take note of the improvements in your motivation and decide that you might be worth a second look and a second chance as an applicant.

@anarut24
Thank you! I had never noticed my mistakes

@Holt
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. i will write new letter)
the problem is i just can't write new one, cause i put all of my best ideas into it last year, so having difficulty with fresh letter((((((

You should double-check your grammar, first sentence I found this:

With this letter, I am ... in Master's Programs on Communications Engineering in ... and my want desire to request a of scholarship on this purpose.

Take care of the english words you use, my recommendation is that you try to use more synonyms (thesaurus is a great reference for that).

I would focus less on the courses you took during university and more on the extracurricular courses you took.

Merged:

MY REWRITTEN MOTIVATION LETTER FOR DAAD SCHOLARSHIP

Hello there! Please help me with my motivation letter. I would appreciate your correction and feedbacks, every comment will be important for me

With this letter I am expressing my interest in Master's Programs on Communications Engineering in Germany starting in October 2018 and my need of scholarship on this purpose.

I don't know how to prove my desire to study in Germany. I have been dreaming of pursuing my education in Germany since my sophomore year at university. Already four years passed after that time during which I owned number of successes and failures. Time is passing and my dream is getting far and far away from me eliminating my hope.

About my few personal successes: In 2012, I secured governmental grant for Bachelor program on Radio engineering, Electronics and Telecommunications at al-Farabi Kazakh National University. Eight semesters of study there have given me solid theoretical background in this field. I took very basic courses like Physics, Math, Informatics as well as subjects directly associated with Telecommunications Engineering, namely, Measuring Techniques, Electric Circuits. I had gained computing and programming skills with help of programming-based lessons such as Simulation of Telecommunications Systems in MatLab and LabVIEW, and Programming the FPGA using Verilog HDL language. And Global Communications Systems module gave me opportunity to study basics of Telecommunications Transmission Technologies, GPS navigation system and Internet Technologies. I also attended number of humanitarian and language courses during my undergraduate years, which helped me to improve my communication skills, and to change my attitude towards environment and society. I excelled all of my courses with 3.85 GPA overall from 4.00. In 2016 I successfully graduated, obtaining Bachelor degree on Techniques and Technologies.

Besides my lessons within university, I took part in some extracurricular activities, like university conferences in Electronics and Telecommunications, sophomore's Electronics Club, and volunteering job in student organisation "Ko'mek". As a volunteer, I helped children in orphanage with their studies. And I confess the fact that despite of being little children, they really taught me how to care about people, to be patient, thankful and to enjoy the life no matter what.

By the end of my third year I won DESY Summer Student Programme 2015 scholarship, which opened me brand new aspects of electronics, gave me real experience in electronics and computer simulation at DESY the large research centre in Hamburg. I had an honour to be part of the CFEL group led by Professor Dr Heinz Graafsma, who is well-known scientist among the particle physicists, and worked under supervision of Drs Milija Sarajlic and David Pennicard. There I experienced being in international, multicultural environment, and I really enjoyed it.

And speaking about my failures, in my senior year I couldn't apply for German universities because of the lack of my English language skills. After graduation I took my time to improve my English. Next year I received a rejection letter for my application. In addition I tried several work places, but did not find them suitable and left. Day after day I was thinking that I was useless person in this life. Even though, I was not giving up easily.

Now finally I am working at a small Telecommunications company as a specialist of monitoring system. And here I am facing lots of real problems of Communications System such as network hacking, overloaded channels, unstable network, etc. To be able to fix drawbacks of network like these I need more knowledge, more experience, and more professionalism. These challenges are raising a new motive in me to extend my knowledge, it is more professional than a childish dream that I had several years ago. Thus I am applying for scholarship again.

I studied less or more about universities in my homeland that have Master's programs on Telecommunications but couldn't find better offer than German universities do. Besides, as far as I explored about Germany, it is well positioned as an academic hub and its research field has an international focus, and open to academics from abroad. Most of universities have advanced laboratory facilities and research institutes, where there are loads of chances for students to join to research projects. I am targeting several universities, where I would have golden opportunity to strengthen my theoretical background and to do investigations in network problems.

My first and most desirable choice is Master of Science in Communications Engineering (MSCE) at TU Munich. It offers exactly what I need. Core modules and electives of Communication Systems, which include Channel Coding, Security in Communications and Storage, Communication Network Reliability, and accompanying laboratory classes, would complement my knowledge in Communication Networks and give more narrow specialization in this field. And research internship during the semester break would be crucial for my further researches on Master's Thesis project.

My next two alternative choices are Master of Engineering in Information Technology (IT) at Frankfurt University of Applied Sciences, and Master of Science in Advanced Signal processing and Communications Engineering (ASC) at FAU Erlangen-Nurnberg. These programs have similar curriculum as MSCE.

Apart from their main courses, these universities offer German language courses which I would take advantage of it in social life and exploring the land itself during my studies.

In one hand, I am quite certain that this program helps me not only to gain the solid technical knowledge, but also to develop intercultural skills in me to start a successful career in the high-tech engineering industry. But in the other hand, to become a qualified specialist for being capable of starting a successful career needs hard work and much effort. So, in order to achieve my ambition, I need a financial support to let myself dive into my studies without any money troubles. I know it through my two-month-long life experience in Hamburg that living in Germany costs fortune for young graduate from Kazakhstan like me. That is why I am applying for DAAD scholarship. I wholeheartedly hope me to be one of more than one hundred thousand lucky students who become a scholarship holder every year. The honour of being DAAD scholarship holder is going to be the wind beneath my wings firstly for my studies, secondly for my future prospects in Communications Engineering.

Truly relying on DAAD's support centred policy I would like to ask you to consider my application. And I look forward for your positive answer.

@kkalkntar
thank you for taking your time, I took your advice and revised it and did a new thread) MERGED

hey mara, let me give you a feedback.

first, the seventh paragraph you are explaining about your current job, you should more detail.
you mention all the problem, it will work better if you mention your solution that you had to apply to that problem. if you do that, the committee also can see your leadership skills to solve the problem.

it means that you have enough capability but you want to learn more and improve your skill.

for your guideline, you can give your example of your previous problem at work and the method that you apply to handle that problem.

second, I think you should construct this paragraph ''Apart from their main courses, these ...''. It is a little bit unclear statement for me. It is too general.

overall, I hope the feedback will improve your essay. Check mine if you have a time, I feel so grateful taking your feedback and good luck.

@feby
it is kind of you giving opinion, i consider it really valuable. thank you))) i'll revise it