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Describe your education & career goals & explain what or who has inspired or helped shape these goal


Jcamp9827 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2015   #1
I need help revising this essay and improving it.
Essay:

Since the first time I enter a classroom, I knew I had to do the best academically. I wanted to make my family proud and being the oldest from my siblings I want it to be a great role model to them. With this mindset, over the past years I had challenge myself in taking the toughest courses the school offered. For example, Pre-Calculus Duel Enrollment, Calculus AP, and much more. I Dedicated so much time and effort to get A's in most of my classes, bringing my G.P.A to a 3.7 and having a rank eighteen out of four hundred and fifty-nine students. I had also gotten the opportunity to be involved in different clubs at school having an awesome experience with my friends and at the same times helping the community. All of this factor help me shape or led to a career goal I want to pursue, which is civil engineering. As longest I could remember math was one of my favorite subjects and it was truly a passion for me. From solving a mathematical question to learning how to apply it in real life it really astonish me. Even though civil engineering wasn't even in my mind till my junior year when I got the opportunity to be part of a program called RGV Mentor. With this, I got a mentor that help me choose a career goal I wanted to pursue. The mentor I got is Mr. Villarial, he majored in business but had a minor in civil engineering. During the meeting I had with him, he told me all about civil engineering and also introduced me to some colleague that had major in civil engineering. They told me what and how they did their job and how much they love it. This was how I was truly inspired to this career goal.

Also is currently 308 words and I need to minimize it to 250 words.
fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Nov 11, 2015   #2
Hi Javier,
I attempt to give you some suggestions. There are some grammatical error that you have done.
About an idea, Is it application for registering a university? I don't know exactly what the question that offer to you, I just imagine that it is about your motivation, isn't it? So, your reasons to chose that major or school are lack of strong power. Ensure that you have a clear goal (mention it) then what does the university improve you? make it clear and to do point!

Good luck then.


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