With a degree in Mass Communication, I will be fit to return to my motherland, Africa. My ulterior motive for returning will be to create a literate and modern Africa.
Being a developing continent, Africa faces a lot of challenges and set backs. The major challenge faced by Africa is illiteracy, illiteracy can be conquered through education. I will create an online education system that will enable the inhabitants of Africa to learn oral and written skills. This way illiteracy will be conquered.
Working with the United Unions and World Health Organisation to provide and delivery better and quality health services to Africa is one of the agendas I have for my motherland. Training and educating more doctors, nurses, and health personals will help lessen the high rates of HIV/AIDS, Malaria, Measles, Tuberculosis, Diarrhoead and Pneumoniae which the continent has recorded over the recent years.
My other plan to put a stop to corruption. Corruption largely contributes to the Africa's underdevelopment and high rate of unemployment. I intend to tackle this issues by raising public awareness through the media.
Hi Dennis,
Apart from technical corrections, I would like to focus on seeing your content further. I hope you can follow through.
First, is this essay has words limit? If not, I guess it is better for you to elaborate this statement "I will create an online education system that will enable the inhabitants of Africa to learn oral and written skills." I can see you have a bright vision here but you need to remember that "change is not as easy as a flip of a switch". Besides, your target is AFRICA, a continent that has 1.111 billion inhabitants (2013).
This is the facts that I've got from africanlibraryproject.org/our-african-libraries/africa-facts
In Sub-Saharan Africa
More than 1 in 3 adults cannot read. [1]
182 million adults are unable to read and write. [2]
48 million youths (ages 15-24) are illiterate. [2]
22% of primary aged children are not in school. [3]
That makes 30 million primary aged children who are not in school. [4]
You need to describe or tell the reader that this is a LONG-TERM goal. What will you do to maintain your commitment? Of course you will also need to describe your SHORT-TERM goal. With all due respect, for me, your essay seems like a "daydreaming". First, you want to eradicate illiteracy problem with no clear mechanism on how to do that. Second, you want to lessen high rates of many serious diseases. Third, you want to stop corruption and reducing the high rate of unemployment.
A plan is a plan is a plan. You need to outline it first briefly and clearly before coming up with an essay and discussing many things at once. There is always steps or stages that you should go through. Make it as logic as possible. I hope this outline would help you compose a better essay.
1st paragraph:
- Describe your motivation and commitment to return to Africa after graduation in BRIEF. Short, but meaningful. 3 sentences would be alright. This paragraph should consist a short-term goal, middle-term goal (if any), and long-term goal. You just need to write the keywords for that. No need to give a detail explanation. At least, the reader would know that you have an overall-progression in your essay.
2nd paragraph:
- explain your short term goal
3rd paragraph:
- explain your middle-term goal (if any)
4th paragraph:
- explain your long-term goal
5th paragraph:
- if possible, conclude all of those in a single concluding paragraph.
There you have it Dennis, I do really hope that this would be helpful. Good luck :)
PS: please be careful in commenting or giving feedback to others. A single sentence would NOT be enough. You will get suspended if you keep doing that.
Hi Dennis,
- ... for returning will be to create a literate ...
- ... faced by Africa is illiteracy, illiteracyand it can be conquered through education.
- ... inhabitants of Africa to learn oralorally and to increase writingwritten skills. By this way, illiteracy ...
- Working with the United UnionsNations
- My other planS to put a stop to corruption
Hopefully it helps.
