Hello, i'm entering for UWC Schoolarship and have 2 essays to finish. i have already done my first essay and i'm writing my second essay. I'm not very well about English grammar so please take a look at my essay and help me t fix it. Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. The subject is:
" Write a statement explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the college, and what you would hope to gain from the experience"
When i was young, i always had a desire to explore the world but i do not have enough financial to have journeys to other countries. And from that, my curiosity about distant lands is larger through every years since i just came to Cambodia, which is very close to my country-Vietnam, and other provinces such as Nha Trang, Da Nang, Sai Gon, Hai Phong in my country. In a country as small as mine, it does not take too long to reach the limit of things you can do and see. I only have a chance to read and see other places through books and television channel such as Discovery but even i know all about other countries it still could not make me satisfied by real experiences. I really want to experience new cultures and obtain more knowledge, which is the reason why i start to examine UWC's schoolarship.
A few months ago, I have already done some researches about my destination is Singapore such as people, their lifestyles, traditional food and festivals and i am sure i will explore more in the months i have left. However, the major reason of attending at UWC is i want to show the beautiful of my country's cultures that other countries do not have and i also want to join exchanges between my countries and their countries. Furthermore, it would be interesting to have an opportunity to be acquainted with many friends from difference nations but it also because the singularity of a place where so many viewpoints gather which attracts me.
In conclusion, UWC's values impressed me once i heard and read about them, i was persuade to apply because they resemble what kind of person i want to be and bring the opportunity of experiencing the world to me.
Phuong, you totally missed the mark on this essay. I do not see any direct reference to the UWC missions or values in your statement. In fact, your statement comes across as self - serving and selfish. Which is definitely not aligned with the mission and objective of UWC. They actually have 9 values backing up their mission that you can easily search for online. None of those 9 values are represented in your essay. What I can glean or understand from your current statement is that you want to be able to travel and obtain more information about other cultures. Then what? How does that align with the UWC mission and objectives?
Funny how you would do research on the country where you wish to study, but you did not even bother to learn more about the scholarship that you hope will sponsor your education there. That should have been the first thing that you researched. Then you would have had an idea as to how to align your interests and values with their own. For your reference, just type UWC mission and objective into Google and you will be led directly to that page on their website.
That said, this essay is weak and will not garner any interest from the reviewer. You already said that you heard about UWC's values and were impressed by the list. Why not revise the essay to talk about that instead? Present the values that impressed you and then explain how certain activities or beliefs of yours strongly support the UWC ways. Accomplishing that will allow you to better respond to the prompt and allow you the opportunity to present your possible contribution to the college. Don't forget to highlight what you hope to gain from this experience as well. When you discuss what you hope to gain, please do not say you will be able to travel to Singapore and enjoy their rich cultural heritage as you learn about their traditions and society. That will be a very shallow answer. You need something more impressive than that to impress the reviewer. Try to be selfless and caring about the plight of others in Singapore and explain how you hope to use the UWC values to help improve their situation.
Thank you very much for your advises. I am not very good at writing nor creativity neither and this is my first time I entered a schoolarship. Can you help me outline the essay, please? I do not have a guider so this is very hard to me. And again, thank you so much
First of all, you will need to research the UWC mission and values. Then do a self examination and soul searching. Which of those qualities do you embody and how do you embody them? List those traits down and write down the reasons for the similarity. There are 9 core values. Try to find at least 4 values to discuss and interpret in your essay. Make sure that you have some personal experience to connect it with or that you truly believe in those shared values otherwise you will have a hard time writing the paper.
If you want to discuss Singapore, then do so in the context of the core values. Research the cultural, social, environmental challenges they face (for example) then explain how you would help to ease the problem using the UWC core values. Remember to integrate examples into this discussion in order to illustrate your meaning. Try to be serious. Your current discussion about Singapore is not really good. Specially since it has no connection at all to the UWC mission. Personally, I would rather you do not discuss Singapore. I don't think you have enough of a valid reason to make it a notable part of your essay.
Finally, talk about why you are interested in enrolling at UWC. Don't give a shallow discussion about how you want to travel and only see the world on TV. Base the response upon the mission objectives of UWC once again. Only this time, expand the discussion to include your plans for your socially conscious activities at the university.
Those are the points that will comprise your draft essay. Once you accomplish that, you can look into revising it with our help. Remember, you have to write this paper yourself. You already have the outline, that should be enough to guide you for now. It is a start. Good luck!
Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate for your help. When my essay accomplished, i will post it to ask for your assistance if that is okay. Once again, i very grateful and thank you very much.
hello, after reading your passage i do not find your interest on your focus on. you just tell about the journey.
for example for this statement.
When i was young, i always had a desire to explore the world but i do not have enough financial to have journeys to other countries
btw for using "I" as the subject you should use capital word. o ya from that, reader just knows, you just sharing to the reader what you feel. For academic writing, please do not use the feeling or your own experience. let's try to use global statement or fact or scientific fact. With that your writing will improve automatically.
I suggest you to take course about writing ; you can know what the mistakes on your passage more detail.
thanks, hope it can helps.
Thank you for your advises.This help me a lot to improve my writing skill. I'm rewriting the essay so when I accomplished, I will post it here to ask for your help if that is alright. Thank you again.
I also have another essay and the subject is: " Describe how your day goes on April 29, 2025"
I want to become a flight attendance so does it appropriate to the essay?
That seems to be quite a popular topic for an essay at UWC this semester :-) In reference to your question, yes, being a flight attendant can very well answer that question. The only question is, what story can you come up with to depict that day? There have been 2 other people here at the forum before you who needed help with their essay. I suggest you look at how they approached the topic so that you can have a sample of what you can do with your essay.
Remember, since you want to be a flight attendant, you just have to make sure that you will be doing something remarkable or memorable that day. For example, as a flight attendant, you helped revive a patient who had a heart attack on the plane. Or you served the Duke of Cambridge in first class and learned something about humility from him. Or maybe, it was just an ordinary day that ended in a special way.
There are many approaches to the essay coming from a flight attendant point of view. It would be best if you developed some sort of story draft and then you can post it here for our suggestions and comments. There is only one thing that you have to remember when writing this story, It has to serve a purpose.
The reason it has to serve a purpose is because the story you tell will give the reviewer an idea of what your plans for the next 10 years are and who or what you hope to become by then. It isn't easy to develop that kind of story line but it can be done. From the looks of it, you already have the story idea, just develop it :-) Good luck.
Thank you so much. I very appreciate. And I already accomplished my first essay so I will post it here to ask for your help.
I am a 16 years old girl and I am studying grade 11 at a public school in Ha Noi, Vietnam. Before this time, I have never thought that I will study English in order to take the IELTS Test or research scholarships to study abroad. I simpley learn English as an international language and love it as Russian, which is the language I am studying with a passion. However, I coincidentally knew about UWC as a fate so I researched more about them such as scholarship, students have been sent to UWC colleges. And then, I immediately attracted of UWC's education. There are 9 values but 4 of those 9 values that impressed me are international and intercutural understanding, personnal chanllenges, compassion and service and a sense of idealism. It shows that they not only educate student about basic knowledge but the aim is extend education to foster student become more complete in every way. The major thing is UWC is difference from other colleges since it has humanity in the education system, which is not any programme can contribute as UWC. I am very excited from what I read and I hope UWC can support me achieve my desire is join UWC with a thrill pervasive emotion. In VietNam, studying at school especially public schools is very difficult for student since it is not allowed us have time to break after a long day or participate in a social community to contribute the society. When I knew about the education of UWC, I wanted to turn those unrealistic and boring dreams into reality. I desire fly higher to be studied and experienced reality with a dream can bring happiness and my contribution for the community. Maybe my English and my skills is not good enough but I have a desire, a heart with full of enthusiasm and a passionate soul for learning. I wish for participating UWC to obtain more knowledge, enhance specialized skills and it also will improve my ability to adapt with environmental and people from difference countries. If I have a chance to join UWC, I will endeavour study and dedicate to the society since UWC values educate and contribute a steady knowledge for a student and they also resemble what kind of person I want to be, which is contribute the society better. I love those values of cuturals as well as people and I love UWC!
Phong, writing this essay is not all about merely copying what I told you and restating it. When you mentioned 4 of the 9 core core values, you should not have merely listed them down and then moved on to other topics for discussion. Rather, you should have entered into a more detailed explanation as to how you embody those 4 core values in your life.
The prompt wants you to relate how well you understand those core values and can manage to transfer theory into action as a student at UWC. For every core value, explain how you can help the UWC community become even better at implementing their theoretical belief. Being an international scholarship, they need students who are willing to promote their cause for the betterment of the world. That is not very clear in your essay. It is almost as if you only read the 9 core values and then randomly chose 4. If you cannot display a real passion for each value, then you have a very shallow understanding of the scholarship and may not have a very good chance at winning one.
Your essay is still to self centered which makes it difficult to believe that you have actually given any thought as to how the core values affect your life as a UWC student. You need to reassess your reasons for wishing to study there. As a UWC student, you need to be mindful of the needs of others and know how exactly you wish to contribute to their betterment. Once you can understand and explain that, then you will be able to say that you have a solid plan as how to contribute to the UWC community.
Try to research any outreach programs that the UWC sponsors. Find out if there are any organizations within the university that you are interested in joining. Explain how your current interests and community service relate to those activities you are interested in joining. Studying at UWC is not all about the scholarship. It is about becoming a more caring and well rounded person upon graduation. Try to see if you can develop and essay that reflects these pointers I have just given you.
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