Personal Statement for GKS-G 2021
Hello, please give critics and suggestion on my Personal Statement to apply GKS-G 2021. I'm apologize if theres any grammatically error.
Growing up as a child from a teacher made me realize that being the one is my passion. Inspired by my mother and my sister my dream goals is to be a lecturer, to be someone that can help the others can go through the problem because the feeling when see person can smile and can solve their problem with our help is the happy feeling that I can't describe into word. Since young I already teach the kids around my neighborhood and family for free. In my 18's when reality came in to my life I choose to take bachelor in the most desire major on my campus, Management in Faculty of Economics in Yogyakarta State University.
I manage to maintain my GPA above 3.00 out of 4.00 when I active in some student activities such as be announcer in radio campus, staff of department of Technology in student board executives on my campus. I also active in various event team, be the team of new student orientation with around 6000 atendees, and be the team leader of writing workshop. I graduate at 2016 with my undergraduate thesis title "............", my thesis has been presented to national conference in Yogyakarta.
After I graduate, I work in ............... for 2 years as Property Admin Staff . My eagerness to learn and try new methods saw me quickly progress through the company. In 2018, I moved to ......... is the oil company in Indonesia as Admin ICT and in 2020 I got promotion to be secretary of Finance Director and Administration. Although I'm work for a company, in the end of 2017, I decided to founding my own korean store name "..........." that sell and distribute K-pop Album, K-Pop Merchandise from South Korea and my own design T-Shirt, the store is online store base and now have more than 30K followers in Instagram, twitter and another marketplace. Eventhough "......." not big store but still growing for time to time.
Now I'm ready to take new step to pursue my dream as a lecturer, my experience both theoritical and practical made me decide to take master in Management Information System in Hanyang University. We've been knew that South Korea is known about the growth of business from automotive, IT service and Entertainment.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15384 Aside from using a horrible online translator that mangled the English language, the actual information in this essay does not meet the GKS-G requirements as specified in their application form. Based on the content of this essay, it is clear to me that you have no idea what the GKS-G personal statement is all about. Not a single piece of information you provided reflects the immediate requirements of the GKS-G Personal statement. You lack a proper motivation, a clear educational background in relation to your chosen masters course, there is no connection between your academic interests and Korea, there is no explanation that would justify why you would be a good candidate for this scholarship, there is just nothing in this essay that would qualify you past the screening round.
Do yourself a favor, download the actual application packet for the GKS-G program and read through the requirements. You have plenty of time to prepare your application essays. However, you need to prepare these according to the correct requirements of the scholarship, otherwise, your application will fail to qualify. This personal statement that you wrote is a clear example of an unqualified GKS-G personal statement.
Dear Tanilia,
Firstly, in my opinion, you have to focus on the grammar consistency to show your ability to write in English since you want to study and obtain scholarship abroad. It also shows how bad you want this scholarship.
Secondly, your experience in building your own korean online shop, is unnecessary unless you can explain properly about the connection with why you are applying for this scholarship, because you said you want to be a lecture, but this experience does not correlate your dream.
The " my thesis has been presented to national conference in Yogyakarta." part, maybe you can explain why your thesis was presented in a national conference and why was it so special? Maybe, you can use this as a plus point to show why you deserve this scholarship.
Lastly, i think, you need to do more research on this scholarship and know its character, so you know more about the strategy and the message you can use in writing the letter.
Goodluck!
Hello Tania,
1. I would suggest you focus more on your grammar and structure of your writing. I couldn't follow what you were trying to say.
2. You need to provide the relation between your previous works and your future projects and explain why it should be in Korea.
I suggest you start again and do better research.
Good luck!
Hello!
*First of all, from your essay it is almost impossible to understand which major you want to apply. It looks you have told your experiences and passed, you haven't explained well what did you learn from the experiences and didn't make a connection with your goal.
*There is no reason stated why you want to study in Korea. Make a connection with studying Korea, your desired major and your experiences. Extend and explain more
Good luck!