I would really appreciate if you can provide some suggestion and comment for my essay :)
CAREER in governance and policy making in public sector
I choose courses in the UK based on my undergraduate education background and my current job. These options will help me to develop my career as an internal auditor of the Indonesian government in assisting and overseeing public governance, especially public policy in economic sector.
First is Economic Development and Policy Analysis at Notthingham University. The reason I choose this course because it is very relevant to my previous education and my current work experience. My undergraduate education background is a development economics. And my current job is an internal auditor of the Indonesian government which requires me to provide consultation and guidance to the government in determining and influencing government policy for public services. This course offers a great combination for my career in the future. Experts in preparing government public policies, especially in economics and development with a very good education background will make me as a person who is needed by the government of Indonesia. For example, as an auditor I will provide suggestions and recommendations on tax and levy management policies. This is what makes me able to influence public policy in Indonesia both local and national governments.
Secondly, I chose the Public Economics at Durham university. The reason I chose this course because it is more specific and in-depth in public sector economic studies, where in other universities the public economics is just a module. Background in economics and my current job as a civil servant relating to guidance on public service governance makes this course very important for my future career. The knowledge i get from this course will be used to help the government in planning, budgeting, administration and reporting so that opinion on government financial reports can increase from disclaimer and qualified to unqualified opinion. In addition, I can also provide advice and recommendations in building public policy formulation for a reliable internal control system.
Lastly I chose Development Economics at Birmingham University. I chose this course to improve my ability in theory and the application of economic policy. My advantage is that I already have an economic education background that I have gained in undergraduate and this will allow me to complete my course. Development Economics is very important for developing countries and emerging markets such as Indonesia because it requires good analytical and technical skills in solving economic development issues. The skills of this course will help me to advance my career in the public sector in the future to provide recommendations on government public policies in the economic sector.
These courses will accelerate my future career advancement in governance and policy making in public sector as I will play a role in helping to formulate the framework of public policies, especially in economic and development, as well as overseeing the implementation in Indonesia in accordance with the duties and function of an internal auditor.
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Periko, consider writing a full stand alone paragraph regarding your academic history as an Economics student. Talk about your achievements in this course and how your career has motivated you to take your academic learning a step further before you start discussing your university choices. The weakness of your essay is in the lack of a clear motivating factor that relates to your academic background. You claim to have a background in Economics and you often repeat that throughout the essay but you do not fully explain your academic accomplishment in that field in relation to your chosen courses.
For every course choice where you mention your Economics background, you need to be specific about what class or training you gained during your undergraduate studies in relation to the course. That way, you can better explain how your "academic background" directly relates to your chosen course aside from referencing it as a career advancement opportunity.
You will need to make the corrections above to your essay before you can edit the grammatical errors in your presentation. A good word processing program such as Word 10 can help you do that. Also, you cannot start a new sentence with a connecting word such as "And". You need to revise that sentence to remove the connecting word or remove the period and use the term in lower case to connect the first and second information presentations.
Well, your essay is ok and focused just avoid repetition such as ''I choose this course'' in all paragraphs, i think u already mentioned in your first para, the following paras just mention course,university and what does it offer........ as you proceed.