The elections of Key Club Statistical Secretary - Questbridge 200 Word Essay

Prompt: Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

Secretary elections

I'll never forget that sound of applause filling the room when they announced my name as the winner for the elections of Key Club Statistical Secretary. That was my second year running for a board position after I ran for treasurer my freshman year and lost to an incumbent, but I tried again because I was so passionate about the club. I'm so glad that I tried again because it took a lot of courage from me since I was extremely shy and quiet at the beginning of high school and had been trying to become more confident in myself and become a better leader because of Key Club. Thankfully, I was elected after my second try and it was very instrumental to building my character and finding my leadership skills, and I think it shows that I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone for something I am passionate about. I always strive to try my best when it comes to something I am determined to accomplish.

I feel like this is so boring and one-dimensional. How can I improve it/make it more interesting? I'm open to any feedback or criticism.

I think you can improve by showing your growth, instead of telling. I would try to make it a bit more personal to you to help the reviewer get to know who you are as a student and person. Good luck, I'm applying too!!

I am not sure why you would be so proud of your accomplishment. There is no clarity as to why this secretarial position is something to brag about. It is after all, to the unfamiliar reader, just a secretary position. A secretary is seen only as a glorified note taker, not really important in any club or organization. What exactly does this position say about you? How did becoming a secretary give you a personal and intellectual development avenue?

Yes, your essay is definitely one dimensional because you failed to connect your development or skills training to the position you are proud of. Personally, I would not use this elected position for this essay. Perhaps you have a more personalized moment that would clearly show a moment of "adult" development in your life? Something that shows how you went from irresponsible to responsible, and an explanation of why you are proud of that accomplishment would work best.

@Holt
I see. Thanks for the feedback, I'll definitely reflect on that!