Endeavour Scholarship / Proposed Program: Sustainable Design

Please summarise, in words that can be understood by a person outside your field, details of your proposed program, why you chose your proposed host organisation and what your proposed program is intended to achieve. Also provide details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships. (300 words)

application for master programme in Sydney University

The Master of Architectural Science (Sustainable Design) in Sydney University enables you to develop efficient and environmentally responsive buildings and to retrofit existing buildings to meet today's environmental demands.

The key elements of sustainability in building design are site optimisation, minimal waste, reduced energy and water consumption, a holistic and integrated approach, and enhanced indoor environmental experiences.

The rapid development of urbanisation places a huge strain on nowadays architects to build not only confortable and solid but also environmental and human friendly spaces. It is extremely important to be aware of the changes we can make by creating energy efficiency designs, even though if it is with small changes it will be an improvement to our environment

Sustainability is an essential part of the built environment, but I believe that its ultimate goals and outcomes should address both the impact on bottom-line and the people who live and work in those spaces.

With this purpose, I was excited to learn about the master programme in Sydney University because the course integrates units from diverse architectural, design and environmental areas, and it also approaches the learning method in a very practical way by mixing students from other coursework to help develop better ideas and solutions. It provides you the opportunity to do an internship to experience aspects of practice, interactions with businesses consultancies and collaborators and regular site visits.

This course aims to develop the skills, knowledge and professional acumen needed for sustainable design within international and Australian developments.
Furthermore, this program brings together high-achieving students and critical thinkers that will lead future changes in our built environment.

Carolina, you are supposed to write an essay that is understandable to a person who does not have a background in architecture. However, the while essay that you wrote uses so much technical jargon related to architecture and environmental architecture that a simple person who does not understand these areas of building will not easily be able to understand what you are trying to explain. Use simple terms. How would you explain this to your friend who has a different college major? How can you explain what this course is all about without the use of technical words? That is how the essay should be revised.

Additionally, you failed to provide the following information in your essay:
1. What your proposed program is intended to achieve
2. Details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships.

You need to provide no more than 50-75 words per prompt response as there are 4 sets of information that you need to provide. So the shorter, more relevant, and more concise your explanation for each requirement, the better chances you have of meeting the word requirement of the essay in a relevant manner.

@Holt
Thank you for your help! I will try to explain the subject in a simpler way.

About the information you are telling me is not provided, I believe that it is described in the last paragraph of the essay, is it not enough?

Once again, thank you for your help!

The admin has decided that your question warrants a response. So here is my detailed explanation regarding the reasons why your last paragraph is not enough for a response to the questions provided.

1. What your proposed program is intended to achieve - This is not about the objective of the class(es) you will be taking. This is about how you plan to apply the lessons you will be learning and skills you will be developing during the course of your study in your actual job. How do you plan to apply these information to your own architectural designs or client requested concepts? That is what this program proposes to achieve based on professional / career objectives you have set out for yourself. The reviewer could care less about what the course proposes to teach the students. It is how the students use what they learn that is important.

2. Details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships.
- You do not indicate any study plans for your course that includes the required internship dates, company where you will be completing your internship, and the duration of this practical exposure in the field of architecture. A sample response would be:

Towards the end of my classes, the course will allow me to have a 4 week internship at the XFY & Partners architectural firm. The architectural firm is known for is sustainable designs in relation to... which is one of the sustainable goals I hope to attain in my own designs for... My internship shall begin on November 1, 2018 and end on December 1, 208. I will most likely be assigned to the Grafting Golf Course project of the company located in Alvam Bay, Practical City. Here I plan to develop my skills in the area of ... in relation to my future plans as a ...

I hope that my expanded explanation can help you better revise your essay. Good luck with your application.