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Summary of proposed leadership activity - Endeavour Leadership Program

dinidininta 4 / 7 3  
Nov 8, 2018   #1

2 years full-time program in Australia

Hello, this essay is 1/5 assessment criterion for Endeavour Leadership Program Australia. I would be very glad if anyone can give me some feedback or corrections. Thank you very much in advance.


Please summarise, in words that can be understood by a person outside your field, details of your proposed leadership activity, why you chose your proposed host organisation and what your proposed leadership activity is intended to achieve. Also provide details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships. (300 words)

The Master of Information Technology offered by University of Technology Sydney is a 2 years full-time program that offers a wide range of specializations, from Business Information Systems to Data Analytics to Software Development. I will specialize in Software Development which aims to develop a thorough understanding of the advanced concepts of software development in a commercial and industrial environment.

As a Bachelor of Computer, I am aware that every company demands a software developer who is highly skilled, not only in theories, but also in practices. Therefore, it is important to obtain the qualifications in an institution whose goal is corresponding to the need of the companies.

University of Technology Sydney has an excellent reputation with its practice-oriented courses geared towards preparing graduates for careers in industry field. Furthermore, the university's deep connection with companies from a huge range of sectors allows various industry practitioners to share their extensive knowledge and expertise with students. Gaining further education from University of Technology Sydney will help me in building my career as a lead software developer in an IT company, as nowadays there is a growing number of companies and startups in my home country. Plus, it will also provide me with an insight into how the industries work and what value they are looking in graduates.

This program comprises of seven core subjects, six specialization subjects and three subjects combined from elective choice block and an IT project. One of the option for the IT project is Industry Project, in which students are required to undertake research on an industry based problem or scenario and develop an appropriate systems solution. Based on my commencement session, this project will start in March in the second year, and the related industry or project will be arranged concurrently.

Holt - / 7,609 2001  
Nov 9, 2018   #2
Dininta, the content of the first and third paragraph should be revised and merge to explain the reasons why you chose the University of Technology Sydney. Those two paragraphs should be intertwined in the presentation because the university choice and course choice are connected when you consider your academic and professional goals. The second paragraph is unimportant and can be skipped in the presentation. By the way you are not a Bachelor of Computer, you are a Bachelor of Computer graduate. There is a difference between two. The former is the name of the course you enrolled in at college and the latter is your title after having completed the course requirements for graduation.

You need to present a clearer idea as to the research you will be performing. The program needs to have you mention at least your proposed activity, even if the dates and locations will not be immediately known. The specificity of that information will prove that you are serious about completing this course. As of now, this part of your essay is unclear to the reviewer.
OP dinidininta 4 / 7 3  
Nov 9, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your feedback. I'll revise my essay.

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