English teacher and determination -PTDF UK scholarship: scholarship with this statement of purpose.

Where determination predominates, failure cannot dismantle the flag of success

My English teacher would always say "Where determination predominates, failure cannot dismantle the flag of success", when he gives us a motivation talk. And from a young age, I took those words seriously. I'm the first son of a family of eleven, and my father, a tailor, struggles to cater for even the most basic of our needs. I remember going to school with torn uniform, trekking about 8 kilometers to and from the school, and barely finding food to eat on a regular basis. Those difficulties, however, has not hampered my determination to be successful and becoming a beacon of hope not only to my family but to the society at large.

In the final year of my secondary school days, I came across some text/materials on computers, networking and programming, and I became fascinated by the applications of the same in solving myriad of problems. I took interest in programming and that led to my choice of BSc computer science in my undergraduate studies.

After my secondary school, I got admission into Bayero university to study computer science. And, to fund my studies, I worked as a teacher in a private primary school which allowed me to save for my first-year tuition. I managed to secure an NNPC/Chevron joint venture scholarship in my second year to fund the rest of my undergraduate studies.

The program I took in the university has provided me with knowledge of different algorithmic functions, systems analysis and design, computational analysis, database systems, software engineering, information systems, networks etc. I was particularly good at programming modules such as; Java workshop, Python, C++ workshop etc. I garnered adequate understanding of computer and IT systems, as I spearhead a couple of projects during the study, which provide me with the necessary background to thrive in the field of computer science.

We are the largest oil producer in Africa and the 6th largest producer of oil in the world at the time of writing, and significant percentage of our GDP depends on its production and exportation. And the role of ICT in its exploration, production, transportation, refining and marketing cannot be overemphasized. State-of-the art ICT technologies are widely used in the industrialized economies, and we need to keep up with technological development in order to be able to derive maximum benefit from our oil reserves and also to adapt the human skills to carry out the same.

Therefore, I believe that this scholarship presents a rare opportunity for me to get the quality education, training and expertise necessary to help seek innovative, ingenious and creative ways to maximize benefit from our oil reserves as well as exploring more ICT-enabled business processes efficiencies.

I chose University of Manchester, Birmingham and Glasgow because I was impressed by the modules in their computer science MSc, which perfectly aligns with and improve on the modules I learnt in my undergraduate studies. And I believe I can demonstrate the commitment, drive and expertise to succeed in the course.

Thank you

You took so long to get to the point and when you finally got to the point, it was an empty purpose. There is no clear indication in this essay about what you would like to accomplish in the ICT field and why you are of the impression that your previous undergraduate training and familiarity with computer languages has prepared you to succeed as a masters student in this course. The reviewer will not care about the first 3 paragraphs in this essay. The opening paragraph must come from a professional context. What is the professional purpose for your interest in this course? I can sense that it is somewhere in the later part of the essay. It just isn't clear enough. Try to revise the essay to show the following content, in this order:

Par. 1 - Give a background of your current work experience. End with an introduction to the purpose of your studies.
Par. 2 - Develop a deeper discussion regarding the relevance of the purpose, the course, and the future needs of your country in the oil and gas field.

Par. 3 - Give a summary overview of your undergraduate course, thesis (as it relates to your continuing education / graduate studies), academic accomplishments (in relation to the chosen masters course), and an important reference to why you were chosen to be a Chevron scholar.

Par. 4 - How the choice of university addresses your professional needs and will prepare you to better address a specific problem in your line of work.

Par. 5 - Why you believe that all these collective information has made you the perfect candidate for this scholarship. Think of what you have to offer the scholarship that other applicants may not be able to provide. Then highlight that as the reason why you are the best choice for the committee to make. Close the essay after that point is made.

Use the guidelines above to provide a more direct and informative essay. Make sure that your essay will not be over 500 words so that the reviewer will have a better chance of actually reading your application considerations. Don't waste space with reminiscing your past education experiences and influences. Those don't matter to the reviewer. What does matter is your current career path and where you plan to take it in the future with the help of the scholarship.

@Holt
Thank you very much sir. Will redraft the essay, per your suggestions, and post again.