Essay to enroll in the global studies program

Hi. I am applying for a master's degree scholarship in the global studies program. I really appreciate any feedback from you.

In what way have your past academic and non-academic experiences shaped your interest in and prepared you for this program?

How do you think this program can help you develop towards your professional goals and aspirations? (1000 characters, including blank space)

When I went to China for a double degree program, I found out that women in China have a special spot in society. They have the right to express themselves without worrying about any kind of sexual harassment. Even on International Women Day, most shops and restaurants will give their women customer gifts to show their respect. There is a big difference when I compare it to how women in Indonesia are treated. Indonesian women are often forced to live within stereotypes. Even worse, women in Indonesia are always haunted by injustice and violence. This is where I realize that I want to learn more about why this situation and any similar situation happen. I find the Master's program in Global Studies as the perfect place for me. Since my previous study was also about diversity, I learned a lot about the insight of diversity in this globalized world. I can use this little experience to enroll in this program.

I have seen so many individuals being marginalized and discriminated, and the fact that I could not do anything broke my heart into pieces. I believe that everyone's voice matters, regardless of their gender, religion, and race. In the next few years, I want to work in a humanitarian organization. To reach my goal, I need to learn about what is happening in the world and why it is happening in the first place. This program helps me to understand about global engagement. The program presents cultural, political, social, and economic perspectives that will enrich my understanding of how globalization is connected to social change. Moreover, unlike other programs elsewhere, this program puts Human Ecology as one of its core programs that provides me knowledge of the interdependence between people and nature which, due to the climate change, is crucial.

The first half of your response is more appropriate for a Gender Studies masters course as opposed to Global Studies masters course. The experience that you have is gender specific to women, which does not necessarily require a Global masters course to accomplish. In the last part of your essay, you respond by discussing diversity. This disconnects from your experience and desire to help women as indicated in the first part of the statement. You have a disconnected point of view presented in this essay that does not reconcile your interests in women's rights, as implied by your desire to learn about why gender discrimination against women happens on a global scale, with your desire to highlight diversity and the global rights of people in general. You will have to pick one of the two to focus on in this essay. Since you are focusing on Global Studies, drop the focus on women and gender rights in the first part. Instead, speak of diversity and diversity discrimination as it applies to Indonesia, which you hope to solve through your Global Studies course.

There is a lack of reference to your actual academic experience and how it applies to your interest in Global Studies. I am guessing your undergraduate course does not apply right? In which case, you still have to discuss it in a manner that shows some sort of applicability to your chosen course. Otherwise, your response to the prompt is incomplete, which will make you disqualified from further consideration as a student candidate.

Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate that!