Essay Prompt: This is a 400-word statement in response to a question.
This is an opportunity to outline your extracurricular activities and leadership experience and how they have prepared you to be an active contributor to, and engaged participant in, the Rotman Commerce community. You will also be evaluated on your communication skills.
What extracurricular skills and experience will you bring to Rotman Commerce?
Please critique my writing and do advise where I am going wrong. Do comment on my grammar, punctuation, content, sentence structure, word selection, use of my word limit and any aspects if possible.
It's sorta urgent 'cause the deadline date is just two days from today.
Thank you! =) Any help is highly appreciated.
The exquisite, placidly structured musical notes artistically danced across the grinning sky and embraced the serene beauty of the season- I envisioned while occasionally creating music for a song on my harmonium. Music is something that runs down my veins whenever I have to express my inner thoughts and feelings, but Tagore music specifically was the first, in fact, to build and connect the bridge to this musical world when I got admitted to ****. The long way that I walked in life with the smooth flow of Tagore music has offered me this opportunity to discover and witness the various, distinct ways of life, the many worldly issues and how the complex human mind works in particular.
The applause by the huge crowd after the completion of stage shows whether at or outside our school premises in every event in the Bengali calendar had always acted as a great inspiration for me to shine in this field and also, as an encouragement to continue learning music in order to become an active part of Bengali culture and community. Our aim while dedicating long hours behind practices was not only to simply perform at stage to display our passion for music and demonstrate our musical skills but also to convey our understanding, emotions and knowledge that we bore about our culture, country and language. This was exactly the point where we had to face the challenge and we worked as a team to improve ourselves even in difficult circumstances.
As one of the senior students, organizing many sections of the events, for instance arranging the materials required and planning for the decoration of the event, grouping students, etc, were often a vital portion of our responsibilities in ****. Meanwhile, I was also able to use my sewing skills to give an air of individuality, creativity and our tradition in the embellishment of the many events.
Tagore music had given me a new birth to a new dimension which defined me music uniquely and changed my perception of seeing everything. My introduction to some outstanding people including my teachers, peers and celebrities/artists, and the skills that I learnt will undoubtedly be a great support while sailing my ship to achieve my goal.
Rotman Commerce definitely brings a scope for learning more, and to shower what I had learnt and to bring about more enthusiasm and diversity to its community.
(Exactly 400 words)
This is an opportunity to outline your extracurricular activities and leadership experience and how they have prepared you to be an active contributor to, and engaged participant in, the Rotman Commerce community. You will also be evaluated on your communication skills.
What extracurricular skills and experience will you bring to Rotman Commerce?
Please critique my writing and do advise where I am going wrong. Do comment on my grammar, punctuation, content, sentence structure, word selection, use of my word limit and any aspects if possible.
It's sorta urgent 'cause the deadline date is just two days from today.
Thank you! =) Any help is highly appreciated.
The exquisite, placidly structured musical notes artistically danced across the grinning sky and embraced the serene beauty of the season- I envisioned while occasionally creating music for a song on my harmonium. Music is something that runs down my veins whenever I have to express my inner thoughts and feelings, but Tagore music specifically was the first, in fact, to build and connect the bridge to this musical world when I got admitted to ****. The long way that I walked in life with the smooth flow of Tagore music has offered me this opportunity to discover and witness the various, distinct ways of life, the many worldly issues and how the complex human mind works in particular.
The applause by the huge crowd after the completion of stage shows whether at or outside our school premises in every event in the Bengali calendar had always acted as a great inspiration for me to shine in this field and also, as an encouragement to continue learning music in order to become an active part of Bengali culture and community. Our aim while dedicating long hours behind practices was not only to simply perform at stage to display our passion for music and demonstrate our musical skills but also to convey our understanding, emotions and knowledge that we bore about our culture, country and language. This was exactly the point where we had to face the challenge and we worked as a team to improve ourselves even in difficult circumstances.
As one of the senior students, organizing many sections of the events, for instance arranging the materials required and planning for the decoration of the event, grouping students, etc, were often a vital portion of our responsibilities in ****. Meanwhile, I was also able to use my sewing skills to give an air of individuality, creativity and our tradition in the embellishment of the many events.
Tagore music had given me a new birth to a new dimension which defined me music uniquely and changed my perception of seeing everything. My introduction to some outstanding people including my teachers, peers and celebrities/artists, and the skills that I learnt will undoubtedly be a great support while sailing my ship to achieve my goal.
Rotman Commerce definitely brings a scope for learning more, and to shower what I had learnt and to bring about more enthusiasm and diversity to its community.
(Exactly 400 words)