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(family love, Lord, determination) - Why should I be given a scholarship?



quila 1 / 2  
May 3, 2012   #1
hi. I would like to ask some advice. This is my own essay on "Why should you be given a Scholarship?" I am anxious about it cause I have to email this as soon as possible. I need someone who can give me advises... I think I have a problem with the parallelism of my paragraph. I would be happy to know your opinions. This would mean so much to me :) thank you. So here it is:

"Do what you love, and love what you do"- I have not truly understood this till I heard these words from someone very influential. These past months, I have been on the right time at the right place meeting successful people with their success stories and gaining knowledge not of new methods and ideas but of better understanding on how to actualize these things along with learning to keep a positive outlook whether from good or bad circumstances. Never in my thinking have I realized that simply being happy and staying happy in whatever you decided to do is actually what success people are effortlessly doing that set them to victory. And from that day forward, I decided to do the same.

As a grade school pupil, I aim for an A in all my subjects studying diligently to make it to the top. And with the help from my Mom and Grandma as my tutors, indeed I achieved it receiving excellences and awards. In high school I tried different extra-curricular activities. Some of them was joining Cheering dance squad and signing in to the Volleyball team of my school after that. I joined a Christian movement and had been a part of the gatherings and spiritual camps. Just to have something to do when I am not that busy, I would sell some stuff at school to my friends because my aunt makes polvoron and chocolate candies that time. I even tried on direct-selling. My classmates especially my girl friends got hooked on the cosmetics and apparels that I sell and so I had lots of orders. I earned money that I was able to buy myself stuffs and save a part of it.

In high school, I experienced both fun and learning like I never had before and will never have again in the future. In this phase I was able to try on something new, something I have not yet tried on and I got to socialize with my fellows who have the same interest I have. I got to meet new friends and learn to handle different kinds of people. I have not just had experiences but it also strengthened my faith and spiritual relationship with my Creator. In high school I also realized my enthusiasm in everything that leads into selling and making money from it. In no time, I was known by my friends in that character and I feel glad about it. I am happy doing it. Since then, I discovered that I yearn for a living that is related in selling in the future. Moreover, that is being an entrepreneur.

In my last year of high school, I started researching for colleges to go to and searching for the course I am going to take. I was influenced by my aunt who is now venturing into their own business. As I hear from people telling their success stories while doing what they love, and loving what they do, I became more aware of what I really wanted in life. "Life isn't about finding you, it is about creating youself"- I have the ability to choose, in fact we all have that and it is in our hands how to make it, how to create our own selves. I have confidence that ESA will create a skillful and competitive entrepreneur through me. This institution will help me achieve my dreams and will later on define my career.

Happiness would undervalue what I feel as I was accepted in Entrepreneurs school of Asia. I would rather say this acceptance is a fulfillment to me. Much more would it be if I was being offered to a scholarship by an institution that is pioneer in business-entrepreneurship education. Scholarship is exactly what I needed and desired for to continue my learning without having to worry too much with my college expenses. Being given the chance to apply for the Bayani Scholarship have me pushing my aptitude to its fullest for this institution has believed in me that I can be worthy of a scholarship. I can create and build my own business and provide jobs as well as more-developed products later on. To be a Bayani scholar has given me opportunities such as extending help to my fellow Filipinos that are unemployed or underemployed, and could make a difference to the world someday.

Certainly it will be a long way to make my goal a reality but with the unconditional love of my family and guidance of our Lord, sooner or later it will come on my horizon. Adopting what success people are doing which is to have a positive outlook in life and by believing in what I am capable of, I know I am on the right track. The scholarship is an opportunity for me to do what I really love but also a chance to have a step closer to success.

Beralau - / 2  
May 3, 2012   #2
wow, you really have an colorful experiences in your life and also a very ambitious determination about your future!
I would have some suggestions on your writing.
First of all, I think you should separate into three parts on your different stages of your education background and life experiences, your religion and your perspective.

In order to let the reader reads the most important part that he/she wants to read.
second, you should tell your personalities, habits, and experiences of cooperation work through your activities.
Lastly, you should show your strong eagerness to the reader so that he can know how and why you should be given that scholarship.
OP quila 1 / 2  
May 3, 2012   #3
wow thank you, I'm glad you appreciated it . That helps, ill consider that :) But if u please can specify what I can actually edit or remove from my original piece. thank you very much :) And how can I deliver it in a way that the reader would want me to grant my scholarship?


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