My family's sacrifice have established today's me - planning to apply for scholarship

My course of life, my view of life, study background, my hopes and wishes, your education and work experience, my motivations for applying for this program.

my serious intentions

Need Suggestions and modification to make it short.....

My name is XYZ. I was born into a middle class family where we live in a small city called AVA, district of Bangladesh. l spent my school, college and University life in Sylhet city. From the early age of my life, I saw my mother as a manager and my father as a fund raiser and accountant of our family. They worked hard just to make their child good and honest. I believe their sacrifice have established today's me. From my parents, I have learned how to work to achieve goal. And also I acquired basic knowledge on management, accounting and finance and wished to one day become a finance manager.

I took a step to achieve my dream having graduated in 2014, with a Bachelor degree in Business Administration, major in finance and banking. This great achievement has given me a clearer view of my skills, thoughts and makes me able to think that life is a combination of happiness and sorrows. But I believe anyone can reduce some of those sorrows by working hard and working according to a well prepared plan. That is why I prepared a plan for my higher education. I loves to do things according to my plan, Sometimes it worked and some the time I failed. But every time I have got some new experiences. It helps me as because we know failure is the pillar of success. I tried to take my failure as an experience and I try to work hard to achieve my goal, I believe someday I will reach my destination. This is because my parents always encourage me to be more passionate. Though they are not so much educated, but they are my best teachers, conductor of my life.

From such passions, I had a great interest and keen to do something for the future by which I will be appraised. In my study life, I tried to understand around and solve the problems we faced. From that sense, I made an online platform where students will be benefited by sharing their books worldwide. In addition, I am also a partner of online Bangla University and trying to establish it where students can develop their knowledge and skills in our mother language, Bangla. I want to find an effective and innovative way to teach through my Bangla University's online lectures. Moreover, I involved myself with various social activities such as blood donation program, drawing competition, helping poor in winter season etc. This voluntary work had beneficiary effects for connecting with more people and established my morality. After graduation, when I search for a job in my country, I have found accounting rather than finance as a popular subject for career not only in my country but also abroad. I think Accounting is a fundamental part of our way of life. Where there is business, there is accounting. You can't have one without the other and I believe that every person in the world uses the principle of Accounting at least once in their lives. As accounting has become a rapidly growing career field, I have decided that I will study in the field of Accounting and hope to be Professional Auditor in future.

I think my application for Korean Government Scholarship Program is to support not only my study but also my dream. To build up my career in Accounting motivated me to apply for this program. As the importance of Accountancy bodies is inevitable in the creation of good quality financial infrastructure for the economic development of Bangladesh, I think I can contribute through my knowledge and experiences what will I gain as an KGSP awardee. This motivation also help me to apply for this program. Moreover, as an Asian tiger and the center of Asian business, South Korea has extensive range of lessons and faculty which will teach me not only about Global and booming Asian business but also to understand about non-profit organization that how they operate. I hope I will be able to implement my knowledge what I will learn through this Scholarship program to develop my dream and the country's economy.

Studying in Korea will broaden my international outlook. I am more likely to study in order to get more precious and sophisticated education. It is true that in Korea, education quality is much better than our country. I am also excited that I will get an opportunity to learn Korean language, Because language is the key to understand the Korean people, Korean culture and their business activities from where I will able to gain real experiences. I saw a movie named "Train to Busan" which also encourages me to learn Korean language. In addition, through this scholarship program, I will be able to help my new Korean friends in sharing their knowledge by my website. I will be grateful if my project comes in their help.

Everybody should have a commitment to make this world a better place to live, and I feel I have a responsibility as well. During my contemporary course Business Studies, i taught and realized that to lead the next era and the knowledge I need to combine my knowledge academic background and international experience that I have gained during my course, which would eventually benefit the people of this world and hopefully will make this world a better place to live. My exceptional understanding of the fundamentals of business and finance will aid me in my higher studies, my excellent team working, organizational and communication skills will reinforce it and I am confident my hard determination to achieve positive results will push my higher study towards success.

Summarizing all written above, I believe that my serious intention for study, my certifications and academic background will be beneficial for my higher studies. The KGSP scholarship will give me more opportunity for my career. Attending your prestigious scholarship would give me an opportunity to receive high-level education under the guidance of prominent professors and excellent teachers. I am willing to travel around, as I enjoy exploring and learning new cultures. I would regard my admission into Korean university not only as a great honour, expand my potential in the future and as a great responsibility and challenge to prove myself.

Ali, the essay is over extended in an unimportant manner. You have established your background, your point of view about life in relation to your hopes, dreams, ambitions, and goals, in relation to your future goals. The problem though, is that you seem to be throwing a veil over your professional career. You graduated in 2014 right? What did you do after graduating to find professional employment? Be it within finance or accounting, were you not able to practice any sort of formal work that could add up to work experience? Were you never part of a company or corporation where you were able to practice your college major?

The reference to you discovering that thing about accounting is just a word filler that does not help your essay to create a solid foundation for your application. What is the problem with your professional side? While the civic activities are notable, these are not what is required of you in the essay. Without the professional consideration coming from you, this letter of introduction is nothing but a useless personal statement that does not amount to anything in terms of supporting your application.

Adding to that the fact that there is no solid reference for your motivation to apply to higher studies nor a convincing reason for your application to study in Korea, then the whole essay becomes entirely weak and unusable. The "Train to Busan" reference has no academic relevance and therefore, does nothing to impress the reviewer. Why don't you instead, try to explain how studying in Korea will help you to fulfill your future ambitions and goals for your career?

It's funny, I still see the very same errors that I advised you to fix at least twice already for the same essay. Yet you keep on coming back with almost the same essay every time, with the same errors and no significant changes that would make your essay worth submitting to the KGSP committee for consideration. The way the essay is written now, without the proper motivation, reasons to study in Korea, and lack of professional experience, tells me that this will not make it past the first round of considerations.

@Holt

I have no professional work experience related to my subject finance. I didn't do anything after graduation. I just completed MBA. And now trying to apply for masters in accounting to be professional auditor. I will also study ACCA to follow my dream what I write in SOP.

May be I am not qualified. But really I don't know what will be other reason and motivation to study in Korea. I already told everything...

Sometimes, it is best to take a step back and analyze your credentials in terms of its worthiness of the scholarship requirements. There are actually 3 essays that you need to submit for this application. The self introduction, the study goal, and the post study plan essays all rely on the fact that you have some professional background to speak of because the KGSP program is one that is part of a continuing professional education. It requires actual work experience because the program requires you to live in Korea for a number of years after graduation. If you do not have any work experience to speak of, then you are not qualified for the program in the best manner possible. Without the work experience, you will have a difficult time creating a study plan (masters thesis proposal), plus your post study plan (employment opportunity possibilities). Right now, your essay lacks proper professional focus and forward thinking possibilities for career growth and personal improvement.

The best thing that you can do at this moment is to try and gain some work experience in the relevant field and then try to apply to the scholarship during the next round of applications. Strengthen your credentials first, make sure you qualify on all counts, then seriously apply during that round of applications. Don't force it at the moment if you cannot provide everything that will make you qualified for the scholarship. You need to be able to complete, through your credentials and experience, with those who have far more credentials and experience than you do.

The KGSP program only accepts the best and the brightest in the world. It is one of the most difficult international scholarships to qualify for. Don't think of it as an ordinary scholarship because it isn't. That is why there are many rounds of consideration and screening for each applicant who wants to join the program. They really vet the applicants for worthiness in a very intricate manner.