Essay 1: Biographical Essay (800 word limit)
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?
I hardly remember life before my parents' separation when I was eight years old or the memories of the happy family I always see in the family photographs. At the time, I was too young to understand why my parents no longer wanted to be together because I had rarely seen them fight. As I got older, I realized that my father had a gambling problem and it resulted in my family losing a large amount of our family's income. We lived minutes from the local casino and my father spent every night there blowing our money away on some flashing lights and false "ka-ching" noises. Eventually, my mother couldn't handle his late nights at the casino and my father moved out and into a motel. My previously stay-at-home mom had to find a job so we could try to afford being on our own, but it was difficult and the mortgage was too high to pay. My mother, my two brothers, and I moved to a small home in a different town at the beginning of fifth grade. I can remember feeling so angry towards my parents for making me leave Vernon behind and move to Sherrill, where I knew I wouldn't fit in. I didn't realize the real circumstances behind the move because I wasn't old enough. After a while, I managed to make a few good friends and start to adjust to my new life, but nothing was the same. I saw my dad on Wednesday's and the weekend but he ended up getting a promotion that resulted in him being gone every other week, yet he still gambled. My oldest brother started to go off the deep end, and little by little he managed to get himself into trouble. It started off small by hanging out with the wrong crowd, and then he started to drink and do drugs because he wanted to fit in and feel better about himself and his circumstances. I can remember being young and confused and I would hear my brother yell at my mother and call her names that no mother should be called, or I would see him and my other brother get into a physical confrontation. I would always scream at them to stop because I hated the fighting and I cared so much about all of them. I didn't want to see anyone get hurt. Everything always escalated further than it needed to go and the police or child services would be called. I remember walking into school one day and being called down to the social worker's office and seeing a strange man there, who was from Child Protective Services, and he was asking me all of these questions about my family. I was so worried that something bad was going to happen and despite everything I went through with my family, that's the last thing I ever would have wanted. Luckily, nothing happened with Child Protective Services. Still, my brother continued to make bad decisions all regarding his alcoholism and it landed him on probation, then house arrest, and eventually in jail during his senior year of high school. Once my brother had gotten out of jail and graduated high school, he still continued to drink and was constantly in and out of rehab. His addiction had consumed his life and made it difficult to ever hold a job or be a functioning adult. I don't resent my dad or my brother because of the addictions they both still have. In fact, I have learned a multitude of lessons from their experiences and in a way; they have both taught me to be a better person. I care immensely about the two of them, but there's no way I would want to follow in their footsteps because I want to be in control of my life. Their addictions don't make them horrible people, and they're actually two of the most genuinely good people I know. Watching them has given me the motivation to do something with my life, maybe do something that's going to help other people that have gone through similar experiences. I've learned addictions are diseases that can destroy families or cause a kid to grow up too fast. I've grown into an independent woman who can take care of herself because I had to. I didn't, and still don't, want to be a burden to my parents. As I was growing up, I realized they had a lot to handle dealing with my brother. I've grown to realize that my circumstances are a blessing in disguise because it's taught me how I should live my life. I don't want to let something like alcohol or a casino run my life, I want to run my life and do something great with it.
You really have a story to tell but I would love to see you expand more about how these factors cause you to grow. As you tell your story I know that you have gone through a lot of hardships but how do they shape your aspiration? You mentioned that you didn't want to end up like your father and brother, but in what way? You can still expand more on that and condense some of your anecdotes.
Another thing is you shouldn't use the abbreviation too often since it's writing.
I've = I have
I didn't = I did
and all that.
Hope I helped and good luck to both of us!!!
Ah I knew it would be about the factors that made me grow.. I thought that too but I didn't know how else to say anything. I'll have to look into how to change it cause that was 800 words exactly haha! Thank you so much though, I will definitely look into all of that :)
At first, when I started my essay, 800 words seemed like so much. But when I started writing, it somehow wasnt enough!! You need to maybe mention a bit more about how your brother acted as a negative role model for you, and maybe some principles you possess now as a result. Try and make some grammatical changes to use less words so you can manage to add that all in. you story is so inspiring and you've been through so much, good luck!
As I got older, I realized that my father had a gambling problem and it resulted in my family losing a large amount of our family's income.
As I grew older, I understood that my father's gambling activities were the reason that resulted in losing a large amount of our family income.We lived minutes from the local casino and my father spent every night there blowing our money away on some flashing lights and false "ka-ching" noises.
At the local casino, just a few meters away from home, my father had spent every night blowing our money away.... I feel you don't have to be too descriptive here.
Eventually, my mother couldn't handle his late nightsat the casino and my father moved out and into a motel.
... .... there's a little bit of repetition;
Eventually, without being able bear his behavior anymore, my mother decided to separate from him.