This is the start of my essay, I am not sure how to finish it so can you guys point out corrections and help me finish the essay! :)
Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factor do you sttribute your success?
Growing in school, I have noticed my favorite subjects are English and History. These subjects inspire me to create a deeper understanding and a love for the history that newer generations have no interest in. I find myself captivated with these subjects, specifically, its incessant advancement. How great intellectual minds used literature, art, and music to challenge racism and stereotypes to promote progressive or socialist politics with the Harlem Renaissance or how William Shakespeare's plays make fundamental statements about the human condition which are still parallel to way we live in society now.The histories I learn in both subjects illustrate the paths of evolution in which man has taken. In understanding each subject I realized that they tell the way for the past, present, and future. But the interest in these subjects hasn't always grasped my attention. In grade school we were always taught the basics of what the book implied, but as I grew older entering middle school and the teachers taught with more passion and insight, the fascination for English and History grew far more. With the support and understanding from my teachers, their drive to make both subjects more than just text from a book gave way for me to excel intellectually in English and History.
I think this is a good start. But you should add more detail about how your love of english and history grow from being taught by your teachers and not just from mere text book readings. Great job though! Would you mind reading my colorado college essay? :)
I think the first sentence can definitely be improved. "Growing in school" sounds a little awkward to start an essay, and the sentence itself doesn't really grab the reader's attention. As for completing the essay, I agree that you it would be nice for you to expand on the learning process, perhaps pick one specific experience in the classroom to illustrate the active learning process, and link that to your burgeoning interests in english and history. Preferably a really exciting classroom experience that has the potential to really engage the reader!
Overall, it's a good start! Thanks for commenting on my essay btw... u made a good point :)
The hardest part is for me to make an opening sentence starter, this is what i have come up with.
Everyone has their favorite subject in which they excel in and I have come to noticed my favorite subjects being English and History are very exciting. These subjects inspire me to ...
... these subjects hasn't always grasped my attention. In grade school we were always taught the basics ...
...to excel intellectually in English and History.
The writings of Zora Neale Hurston show skepticism toward traditional religion and affinity for feminist individualism. Fighting for the elimination of gender privileges and having a say on the laws that hinder women's rights, encouraged me to take full responsibility of my life. In knowing the wrongs that a society can place on one because of their gender or race it has led me to fight the injustices for me and those who will come after me. Without the knowledge that I have gained through History and English I wouldn't be able to take on life challenges today.
I agree with huang13 the ffirst sentence seems awkward but the message of the entire paragraph is strong
I changed the essay last night but i havent posted it yet but i took note and the beginning was very awkward!
