4. Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities?
Growing up in an economy that constantly fluctuating its balance of progress and downturns, I have always aspired to be in the corporate world. Relieving my skills of development, success and stability, I plan to become a business executive one day afar. Spending countless hours in an office to ensure the success of my company, I intend to expand a product corporation that will go beyond the leverage of accomplishment.
Currently, my short term goals are to take flight as a Finance Major student at Brandeis University. I was awarded a great opportunity with the Posse Foundation of Atlanta to receive a full tuition scholarship to Brandeis University. There, I know I can receive quality skills in Business, as I make boundless efforts to become a Corporate Financer. I also want to take the opportunity to join their graduate program and get my Master degree of Business and Administration. Since this is a demanding yet satisfying field, I can provide the natural born skills of numbers that I have always had within me.
Around the time I was in 3rd grade when I was surpassing with my math classes, I realize that I had a passion for numbers and working in groups. So I figured what other job field can I develop my new found skills? Business! The exciting field of equations and logic has excited me since the time I conquered fractions. I am certain Business will be my greatest escape into world that will be so enticing for me.
Needless to say, while in college, I understand there will be a lot of distractions, many of which will happen suddenly and carelessly. Thus I have decided that my first priorities will be to achieving my goals and making sure I will stay on track to achieving them. So if that mean missing a couple of parties for study time, tutorials or even rest to conserve energy for work, I will make that sacrifice. I plan to be all I can be and none the less.
After completing college in both undergraduate and graduate programs at Brandeis, I plan to get my certification as a Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA).With completing multiple internships in college, I hope to have a quality resume and pursue my destined career as a Corporate Financer.
Hi Jemesh,
A question:
-Is the Gates program a scholarship? If so, will they be confused if you state that you already have a full scholarship?
My feedback:
1. I think that the connection that you make between finance and math seems a little weak. You may want to try to discuss your passion for finance instead of stating that you love math and therefore want to go into finance. What is it about finance that interests you? Is it the analytical approach to solving business problems? Is it b/c you have a natural talent for numbers that you think can help [insert something]?
2. Your first paragraph needs to be re-worked completely. It just feels like you are trying to create a lofty opening paragraph. I think that you should be more straightforward here.
Good luck!
So everyone pretty much hit on my points to mention.
Just remember...there's over thousands of students applying. When you read this, does this really make you say wow! this guy has some serious interest or knows what he's talking about. Try to add some emotion,compassion, story, something that just gives it that "it" factor.
