I am an immigration and I have been in america for 3 years. I am taking the high school program in college and almost complete.I also taking a college math and need to pay by myself because I can not apply the financial aid without a high school diploma.This is one of the reasons why I want to apply scholarship, I also have some financial problems.My situation is I have been married and my husband is a marine.But I do not have a job cause I don't have a high school diploma or a GED certificate.It is so difficult for me to find a job, so I decide to go to school. All the living expenses depends on my husband' s income. He has a loan and need to pay $1,900 a month. My parents living in a small town in China, both of them do not have a high school education, they worked in a small factory and earn the hardest and worst paid. Unfortunately, they lost their job one year ago because they were too old.Right now they get a temporary part-time job to support my sister to go to college in china. Sometimes I need to send some money to support my parents. In these three years,I kept going to school to earn the high school credit and I did the part-time job at the some time. I got my first job in Chinatown. I worked in a bakery as a waiter and the boss just paid me 5 dollars per hour. My second job is to be a cooker and worked in a Japanese restaurant, this job required me to work very fast, it is too toilsome for me. I tried to keep my part-time job, but it is to difficult for me to be a full-time student and do the part-time job at the same time.Even though my family is undergoing this adverse situation, I still want to continue to pursue and further my education, regardless of financial hardships.School is expensive, I don't know if I'll be able to continue if I don't get a scholarship. I reply need this money to go to school and stay in school. College is really important and I know that with this scholarship I will figure out what I want to do in life and how to succeed.
My financial situation. Sometimes I need to send some money to support my parents.
Wenwen, constantly complaining about your financial woes in your scholarship essay is not the way to win a scholarship. You say nothing in your scholarship about your academic achievements (if any) or any future plans for your self improvement. Rather, you spend the whole essay bemoaning your financial situation. You are married to a marine who is in debt. You sometimes send money to support your parents in China, guess what, those are not valid reasons to win a scholarship. You work for minimum wage or less than minimum wage and get treated badly. You mention that your job as a cook is too toilsome. You complain too much in your essay and never say anything about your work ethic. You want to win a scholarship? Prove that you are a hard worker who will stop at nothing to gain a college degree. The scholarship members do not care about your work experience and how much you get paid or how you are treated. They do not care if you find the work hard to do. . What matters to them is if you meet the qualifications they have set up for a scholar under their foundation. You need to present academic and socio-civic accomplishments that will make them think that you are a bright person with a potential for a good future who just needs a break academically. Remember, you are competing against other potential scholars with a thousand times more credentials than you. This is a useless scholarship essay. It does nothing to help your case. You should rethink the content of the essay and write a new one that is more aligned with the scholarship requirements. You definitely cannot and should not use your current essay. It does nothing to help your case.
Thank you for your reply and your advise,I know my writing skill is not good, but I am not going to give up, I will rewrite it again, your reply and advise is very important for me, I am looking forward to your next comment! Thank you so much!