'Not just a financially disadvantaged girl from a middle class family' - scholarship

The word limit for the essay is 250 words.
According to the scholarship committee, getting a scholarship depends on academic merit, financial need and potential.
All types of comments (grammar, content) are welcomed obviously. This is my third draft. So i am pretty sure there is a lot to do here. Thanks in advance. :)

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Given the competition for scholarships, what qualities do I have that make me an outstanding applicant."
If you are an international applicant, please also address the development potential criteria and your intentions upon returning to your home country.

I am not just a financially disadvantaged girl from a middle class family, bearing an emotional story, eagerly aspiring to study abroad; I am strongly able. I am more prepared for my course of study, English Language and Linguistics, than many other students might possibly be regarding theirs. I might have been out of touch with school but I have continuously educated myself through online lectures and books. I have also been working hard as an English Language Instructor for almost two years. I am perfectly aware of my strengths as a teacher as well as my weaknesses. My ability to speak Nepali, Hindi, Gurung and English also makes me a worthy candidate to pursue Linguistics. I have been blessed enough to be familiar with Sanskrit and I regard myself amazingly lucky to be introduced to Basic Latin. All in all, I have the extra strength to thrive as a student. I know what lies ahead of me and I am capable to tackle it.

For a country succumbed to the perpetual political turmoil, not having linguistics as an area of study is of the least priority for Nepal. Therefore, I want to establish a multicultural language school where students from various rural areas will not only have the opportunity to learn English but also play a vital role through an inter-exchange language program. Nepal is culturally rich with mysterious tongues flowing through the hills and the valleys. I dream of giving it the continuity it needs and deserves.

wow 4 languages? amazing, i can barely speak one! ha

i have one thought, and I'm not sure how valid it is, but i have always been told to not focus on my negatives "i might have been out of touch with school" i would re word that to inform or make a statement in regards to being out of school. but to be out of touch i would let the scholarship committee determine that. i agree however with the idea of recognizing your weaknesses, but i would try and re word this so it doesn't sound as a negative reflection on you.

just some food for thought and i hope this helps

I really like your conclusion

and ps thanks for the help on mine, and for the kind words about my experience!

hi, some suggestions :

"..eagerly aspired to study abroad...."

"I am strongly able to ???? " ---> able to what ??

"..I am much prepared for ..."

for "regarding theirs" i am thinking to remove it, but I am not sure about it

good luck

wow,your english is so amazing.

how I wish I can write good essays like you :)

anyway,the second essay is stronger than the first one, because i think the first one is mainly focus on your capabilty compared to the second essay in which you include your father's condition.

Good Luck --> for both your scholarship and your dream to open up a multicultural language school :D

Aww, thank you. I do need to improve my writing as well. I wrote the second one because i wasn't aware of the word limit.

Good luck with yours too! :)

Personally, I think your most enchanting point is your amzing language abilities. Perhaps it is better for you to focus more on it using a specific example, which can help illustrate why you are aspired to languages , why you have excel at them,and how do you use such amazing capability in your life.

I also propose that you can make a slight change in the narration about your experience with your father. You can add some of your feeling toward your father. You apply to the university, not your father.

My last suggestion is that rather than giving multiple points, you should probably focus on your most enchanting feature. Try to make the feature strong enough to impress anyone.

Good luck for your application.

i suggest you make some elimination in the part describing your financial situation.One or two short sentence will be ok if you want to indicate yor problem.

Thus, you can add some details about your ESL experience, as it is really a commendable experience.
Good luck. You are excellent.

The beginning just needs a little touch such as disregarding the negatives and try to word it in a way of how it helped you learn a lesson or such. Otherwise I really like how you introduced your knowledge to four different languages (DOUBLE WOW) and how you concluded your essay. Nicely done ! And good luck !